AIBU to think they were rude about my social faux pas?

[3loves]

We - MIL, FIL, DP, two DDs and me - went to a restaurant for lunch where they serve veggies for a starter as part of a set meal for kids. My girls don't eat them, so normally my DP and I do. On this particular day, I was heavily pregnant, very tired and very hungry. When the kids' starters were served (us grown ups hadn't ordered starters), I took the veggies off my younger daughter's plate and tucked in without thought. I was feeling weak, but trying to hide it, so nothing was on my mind except for feeding myself in that initial second. My MIL was sitting across from me while my DP and FIL were on the other end of the table opposite each other. My DP looks at me and nearly shouts at me 'Are you going to eat that' or something similar. And my FIL looks at me with these dagger eyes like I had knocked someone over to shove food in my mouth. I couldn't bear to look at my MIL, but no doubt she had the same look. I just froze. I don't think I even responded. I had clearly committed a fatal error of not sharing with my MIL, while DP and FIL shared my elder daughter's portion of veggies. FIL made a big deal of giving their bit to MIL. I felt mortified. They made me feel so embarrassed. There were additional looks and sarcastic comments during the meal as well. Now, AIBU at thinking this is ridiculous? I was a heavily pregnant, hungry woman who acted out of habit (when ILs are not there). If given a chance, I would have noticed two seconds into eating that I hadn't shared, laughed at my faux pas and apologised. And I think any other person (please do let me know your brutally honest MN thoughts on this too) would have laughed back - thought nothing of it - and turned down any offer, given I was a hungry pregnant woman taking food off my own daughter's plate in a meal we were paying for. Now I am breastfeeding, I am expecting the situation to arise again (or rather hear some reference to the previous occasion). What do I do then?

I dunno. Pouncing on the vegetables might make them seem more desirable?

The faux pas was not offering to share the vegetables with MIL before tucking in. If you are going there again it is simple, when the vegetables arrive offer them to the person you are supposed to share with before you start eating them. If anyone makes a comment referencing the previous incident just smile sweetly and say something along the lines of "Don't worry I won't make that mistake again, I learnt my lesson well and truly with the way you all went on and on about it."

Perhaps having something beforehand so you are not totally ravenous when you arrive might help too.

Should've had a family food fight

That would make veg far more fun.

Surely if you're all so hungry you need to fight over no doubt tiny portions of veg you just order your own?

Not getting the pregnancy/ breastfeeding angle either. Unless you are seriously unhealthy the majority of women can meet their babies nutritional needs without becoming so ravenous they forget basic table manners. Unless you have a craving for veg, in which case you'd have told the ils and ordered your own grown up portion.

Bloody hell just order some garlic bread or something next time, what a thing to be getting het up over.
And it’s Vegetables!

I thought you were going to say something crazy like you started eating off MILs plate going by their reactions!!!

Are they fucking 5?! You weren't being rude and have nothing to be sorry over. Christ I'd make more of an effort to shock them next time if they're that highly strung.

Enjoy your starter

Such drama over a dry bit of carrot

YANBU

Things like this tend to get brought up again. I'm still hormonal and always sensitive to ILs criticisms, so it occurred to me recently to ask mn. The starter was a couple of tomatoes, a couple slices of cucumbers, maybe a slice of carrot. Pathetically small - appropriate for a child. I didn't say anything to apologise or laugh as i was so shocked at their serious response at something so ridiculously small. Yes, lots of history, obv. Just thought I'd ask you all. 😊

It's understandable for you Op, but your dp and in laws came across as greedy and rude. Crikey are they always so greedy round food.

Your partner sounds like an absolute prick for raising his voice to you over it op. Is he always like that?

I agree with everyone else that I can’t see why you didn’t order a starter yourself if you were so ravenous.

And also bizarre that this is still an issue.

If you were weak with hunger, why not order a starter yourself?

It all sounds bonkers and you come across as petulant and greedy .... which I am sure you are not really

When I was pregnant and out on a walk with MIL and DH, we stopped at a pub for a drink and I ordered and ate all of...a massive chocolate cake. I didn't share as at that point, if I didn't get the sugar I craved, I might have eaten both MIL and DH.

Things like this tend to get brought up again.

Give them a Paddington Hard Stare and day you’ll make sure to order more next time.

You know it’s trivial so treat it trivially, with lighthearted humour.

Did it not come up whilst you were talking about what to order?

"We'll be eating the girls starters, so if you want one, order your own?

How could you not notice that your husband & FIL were sharing?

Idk, seems a fuss about nothing, but I just get an image of you head down, stuffing food in

If you were that hungry, why didn’t you just order a starter...

One of the weirdest posts I’ve ever seen lol

I don't think you were rude?! I know how it feels to be pregnant and feel weak.

You have dibs on the food being the parent and pregnant. Why are they shaming a pregnant woman who needs to eat

Find a bag add 1 sweet, an expensive one and them offer all of them the last one, if one takes it roll your eyes and tut,, tut at them and tell your DH he has no manners...
Mysteriously remember you have a 2nd bag and share them, this way who ever took it can be spoken of as greedy.

If no one else takes it say, oh well shame to waste .
The eat the blooming thing in front of them..
Make sure you say how nice it was....

Much ado about nothing.

If I was your ILs, I wouldn't have expected you to share those veg with me

Their reaction was completely bizarre. It's not like you all ordered a shared starter, and then hogged it all, is it? It was left veg from your dc's plate.

They're weird, you're fine.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Let me guess. Inlaws were paying, and you weren't allowed to order a starter comfortably. And yet eating food that would have otherwise would have been binned wasn't allowed either unless you offered it up to your inlaws?

Your DP is an arse for starting the problem at the table, which he did by shouting at you. You were heavily pregnant and hungry FFS. And the veggies were part of your child's meal and you know she wasn't going to eat it. He did, too. BUt he still chose to embarrass you in front of his parents for some reason. Arse.

Next time, order food and don't feel bad about it. But I wouldn't give this a second thought ... and if they do say something, tell them you're now BFing and are hungry. Surely they don't want their grandchild to suffer.

It's a bigger faux pas to point out another's faux pas, imho. Unless you were eating off their plates, then they should have quietly ignored you and looked at each other behind your back with one delicately raised eyebrow and pursed lips, as most of us would have done.

That last was sarcastic btw. What you did wouldn't even have been on my radar as 'rude'.

If they say anything again, tell them you were about to faint and needed the food and that you are so upset that they are still making digs at you, that it's not nice behaviour and rather petty.
Make them feel bad for their behaviour.