AIBU to think they were rude about my social faux pas?

[3loves]

We - MIL, FIL, DP, two DDs and me - went to a restaurant for lunch where they serve veggies for a starter as part of a set meal for kids. My girls don't eat them, so normally my DP and I do. On this particular day, I was heavily pregnant, very tired and very hungry. When the kids' starters were served (us grown ups hadn't ordered starters), I took the veggies off my younger daughter's plate and tucked in without thought. I was feeling weak, but trying to hide it, so nothing was on my mind except for feeding myself in that initial second. My MIL was sitting across from me while my DP and FIL were on the other end of the table opposite each other. My DP looks at me and nearly shouts at me 'Are you going to eat that' or something similar. And my FIL looks at me with these dagger eyes like I had knocked someone over to shove food in my mouth. I couldn't bear to look at my MIL, but no doubt she had the same look. I just froze. I don't think I even responded. I had clearly committed a fatal error of not sharing with my MIL, while DP and FIL shared my elder daughter's portion of veggies. FIL made a big deal of giving their bit to MIL. I felt mortified. They made me feel so embarrassed. There were additional looks and sarcastic comments during the meal as well. Now, AIBU at thinking this is ridiculous? I was a heavily pregnant, hungry woman who acted out of habit (when ILs are not there). If given a chance, I would have noticed two seconds into eating that I hadn't shared, laughed at my faux pas and apologised. And I think any other person (please do let me know your brutally honest MN thoughts on this too) would have laughed back - thought nothing of it - and turned down any offer, given I was a hungry pregnant woman taking food off my own daughter's plate in a meal we were paying for. Now I am breastfeeding, I am expecting the situation to arise again (or rather hear some reference to the previous occasion). What do I do then?

It's a bigger faux pas to point out another's faux pas, imho.

Exactly. Call them out on it every single time.

Order mountains of vegetables next time. Seriously - ten plates of vegetables and present them with a flourish to the ILs. Then say it's one for every time they have commented and you hope that makes you all equal now
That should put an end to it.

To solve this problem, order your own starter next time.
This ^
Were your in-laws treating you to the meal? Maybe they felt the food was theirs to offer ...

Thank you all! Appreciate your comments. Just in response... my daughters do eat loads of vegetables, just not raw ones. We usually encourage them, but obviously don't force it or make it an issue. We eat them and enjoy them. I wasn't 'weak with hunger' as some have misinterpreted. I was weak from lack of sleep and a long walk that morning (along with pregnancy complications). Yeah, I was hungry - not desperately so and I knew I wouldn't eat much given my small stomach. I just acted out of habit - without thinking. No, I did not 'bang on' about being pregnant in my OP... I mentioned it in context of the sentences as it seemed relevant to me. I would never argue with a hungry pregnant or breastfeeding woman wanting to eat or drink, or sit. etc. In any case - thank you, again. I may be sensitive to ILs comments, but I do appreciate hearing other people's views and perspectives.

I'd give the kids the opportunity to eat their own food before immediately taking it off their plate, pregnant or not, whether they normally eat that sort of thing or not (maybe they've never been quick enough to try it) and I wouldn't expect other adults to instantly start picking at childrens side orders either, at least not until kids had had enough.

Just order starters next time, and give the poor kids a chance to eat their own food.

Bonkers. None of you come out of this covered in hummus- glory.

Why didn't you just order some starters bit the adults to share?

• for the adults to share

I wasn't 'weak with hunger' as some have misinterpreted.

You don't have to be weak with hunger to tell them you were.

If you were so hungry why didn't you order a starter? In fact why didn't you all order one?

Weird.

I also wondered if everyone was so ravenous they got really tense over a few vegetables, why you didn't all order starters to have something to nibble on before the main course came?

it is a bigger faux pas to point out another's faux pas

absolutely, the classy thing to do is to ignore a faux pas. Your in laws have no class!

Not that I even think this was a faux pas, just a hungry mum eating a carrot stick!

The starter was a couple of tomatoes, a couple slices of cucumbers, maybe a slice of carrot.

This barely sounds worth eating, let alone worth sharing.

I don't see that you made a faux pas at all. It's perfectly normal for parents to graze on parts of a child's meal that they know they don't want. I've never seen or heard of it being standard for an expectation that they share. In fact I'd think someone a little eccentric if they did offer, personally, though in a sweet way and not at all offensive.

I have small kids and have eaten out with plenty of other parents, and we don't ever offer. Our own meals, absolutely, but the kiddie ones? Um, no. They're hardly gourmet delights. Just some chopped carrots and cucumber, kept in water till served.

And making someone feel uncomfortable over table manners is the absolute height of bad manners, I was taught as a kid. I was told that if someone ever drank from the finger bowl, you joined them, rather than make them feel awkward. Same with cutlery.

Manners are supposed to be about social graces. The way they're used to exclude and test is snobbery, not courtesy.

You should have just shrugged at them and said, through a mouthful of veg, "You snooze, you lose."

Actually, I'd have hurled the plate at them. Once it was empty.

It's not "veggies": it was a salad if it was raw cucumber and tomatoes and lettuce. You're all weird.

I'd have just laughed & said 'sorry didn't realise you'd want any'
Having said that though if I was that hungry I'd have ordered a starter. That was clearly the case for all four adults on this occasion so you should have all ordered starters

Two small tomatos, two slices of cucumber and a carrot slice a salad don't make.

I'm imagining those tiny egg cup sized "salads" they give with the kids starters at pizza express now...

I'd go with "you snooze you lose too"

Here in Portugal we never have this issue. Most restaurants have or put bread on the table with some olives, butter, spread, and sometimes cheese.
Nobody needs to share a few miserable vegetable slices.

Garnish?

In response to all the posters asking "why didn't you all just order starters", "if dh ate all of a shared platter I would just laugh and order another one" etc...not everyone can afford that. Some people go out to eat as a rare treat and know they can only afford mains, or one starter between two, or no alcohol etc. Just a thought.

Isn't garnish supposed to come with the main food?

They all sound like dicks, inc your husband.

Did you give him a bollocking?