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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 30/12/2017 11:58

Good for you OP I was lucky enough to have grown up with horses and got my first when I was 4... it never failed to amaze me how even in the countryside people's parents would ask if their complete beginner child could "just have a sit" on the wired 148 JA showjumper or the 16.3hh ex racehorse... clueless.

RitaMills · 30/12/2017 12:02

Why would anyone want to cover a horse in glitter? Seriously is that a thing in horse community? I can’t imaging covering my cat in glitter Confused

Go with qvar or pictish response, both straight to the point and require no further response so no getting into any Facebook fights. I couldn’t not respond to that.

usualGubbins · 30/12/2017 12:02

Why do some idiots think that horses and ponies are like big dogs - they are a whole different kettle of fish! OP you absolutely did the right thing. We had ponies when my kids were growing up. One was an absolute sweetheart with my daughter, but for anyone else would show her teeth, ears back! I wouldn't let anyone else ride her, purely down to the potential for them to be hurt. She never did anything wrong, but we minimised the risk the whole time we had her.

What is it with these idiots!!

mirren3 · 30/12/2017 12:03

Well done OP, you took longer to crack than most of us on here. I'm betting the post will be removed as soon as you have the majority of people supporting you on FB.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 30/12/2017 12:03

THE HORSE IS NOT A TOY!!!!!!!!!

Samcru said it first, but these were the EXACT WoRDS I was going to post.

Riding schools have particularly gentle/ old/ patient horses that are comfortable with being faffed about by loads of kids.

They also have insurance policies to cover the unlikely but possible event of someone getting bitten/kicked/ trodden on, or the horse being fed ribbons and glitter and landing them with a big vet's bill.

You are quite right. You told her "no" and why when she first approached you - if she went ahead and issued invitations, then the cancellation is on your head - not hers.

Namechangetempissue · 30/12/2017 12:03

Money on her deleting the post...

pictish · 30/12/2017 12:03

Yes good for you. I'm all for maintaining the high ground in squabbles and would normally refuse to engage in a public exchange of views...but this one is an exception to the rule. She is out of order to post what she did and you are absolutely justified in responding. You have been assertive and dignified and given her what she deserves.

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 30/12/2017 12:04

comment on the post exactly what you have said in the op, YANBU at all and i bet the other parents wont want their kids on a horse the owner is saying is not a plodder/suitable.

What a martyr, does she not want to pay for the other horse/unicorn who does exactly that.

pictish · 30/12/2017 12:04

Namechange - my last tenner. Wink

Confusedbeetle · 30/12/2017 12:04

Does she know how dangerous horses are? Riding school ponies and horses are usually selected for there ability to cope with beginners. She would sue you if there was a n accident

Sludgecolours · 30/12/2017 12:04

I'm all for sitting on hands when it comes to Facebook, but in this particular instance, I think you were totally justified in commenting op.

She will probably deny that she was referring to you now of course!

FrivolouslyFancifulFannie · 30/12/2017 12:05

oops didnt see 5 pages

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/12/2017 12:06

It's the brass neck of her whinging about having to cancel, like you'd already given the OK and were now changing your mind !

She planned a party without having the Mane Event Grin that wasn't promised , not even a provisional promise but an outright "No" from the start.......... and she's hard done by Shock

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 30/12/2017 12:06

Fair enough op! I see why you responded and I bet you get a lot of likes, (unless she deletes it).

mirren3 · 30/12/2017 12:06

Namechange good cross post, think we could retire with our winnings 😉

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/12/2017 12:07

I think you did the right thing commenting. She clearly knows nothing about horses to have thought this was a potential party solution. I’m sure your dd makes her pony look like a doddle to ride so to someone, who knows nothing about them, it would be assumed it’s safe for little kids. Not so.

Candlelight234 · 30/12/2017 12:08

Not the point but I find it quite disrespectful to want to cover a horse in glitter.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/12/2017 12:08

Good for you OP.

I can't get over that you can buy unicorn horns and glitter for horses...erm what?

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 30/12/2017 12:09

Do we maybe need a picture of the tiny horse, just so we know who we're all defending? 😃

Consideringbeingamom · 30/12/2017 12:10

This is just the sort of thing that delays my choice to have children-dealing with potentially annoying entitled parents of other "precious" kids. Confused She doesn't sound like a good friend at all, totally selfish and probably a bit of a show-off! Glad you stood your ground, animals aren't toys. I must sound pretty blunt but your friend sounds immature and foolish.

SingingBabooshkaBadly · 30/12/2017 12:10

Good grief! Imagine if you'd agreed and one of the children got hurt? At least the riding school that offers this would be insured to the hilt. YADNBU OP.

LaurieMarlow · 30/12/2017 12:12

Well done OP, hopefully that'll shut the idiot up. I'd cut all contact for good measure.

Also a completely unanimous YANBU. That's rare round here. Grin

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 30/12/2017 12:12

As much as I hate to side with the horsey people (Grin) you could not be more in the right.

I can’t imagine how terrified a pony would be by a gaggle of small people screaming and throwing glitter at it. She really has no clue about animals at all.

MynewnameisKy · 30/12/2017 12:14

YANBU

but even more than that you have really dodged a bullet here. There's no way that any insurance would have been arranged or that party mummy would take any responsibility for anything going wrong. It would all be blamed on you and your poor horse. And to top it all off I am pretty sure the livery yard would be majorly pissed off and would give you notice.

All in all I think a passive, aggressive Facebook post is small fry. Block, go no contact and thank your lucky stars you were smart enough to say No!

SoupDragon · 30/12/2017 12:14

I can’t imaging covering my cat in glitter

I can. It does not end well.

DD has had a pony party which involved grooming the ponies but they were specific “bomb proof”riding school ponies and there was no glitter involved. The unicorn woman is bonkers!

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