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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
TenancyTroublesAgain · 30/12/2017 11:24

Yanbu. She's a prick.

EmpressoftheMundane · 30/12/2017 11:25

Ghastly idea for a party. Poor horse.

You are in the right. She is in the wrong.

Takeoutyourhen · 30/12/2017 11:27

Even if you did give all the sensible reasons that you have stated here, they would go over her head by the sounds of it.

YellowFlower201 · 30/12/2017 11:27

Poor horse!! What a ridiculous idea for a party! Yanbu. You've said no and she has to accept that. She's a nut job.

GlitteryFluff · 30/12/2017 11:28

What a bellend.
You’re not in the wrong op.

AskBasil · 30/12/2017 11:28

I cannot believe grown adults are so self-indulgent that they would encourage children to expect to be able to treat animals like this.

Shocked that the riding school allows it tbh.

She's a twat.

KarmaStar · 30/12/2017 11:28

You could put on Facebook"someone I thought of as a friend wanted to allow x amount of young children to basically play with a horse despite being advised that this horse is unsettled around strangers and the likelihood of the horse kicking,biting,bucking and rearing was high.when I said no she has made life unpleasant for my daughter and i,refusing to accept my no and even challenging my daughter in public."

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 11:29

I wouldn't let it stand. @qvar's post was excellent, or just post a link to this thread.

She's a CF. Utter bitch to have planned a party, accosted your DD, and then slagged you off on FB. And she has. People will know who she is referring to. I wouldn't let it stand.

UnRavellingFast · 30/12/2017 11:29

Perhaps reply with ‘you’re not referring to this are you?’ With link to this thread. That’ll give everyone a laugh and shame the silly cow. Horses can cause damage and death when spooked. They are highly sensitive animals. They deserve respect.

rainbowstardrops · 30/12/2017 11:30

I’d have to reply but that’s what gets me into trouble!
Probably best to just cut ties with her

Billben · 30/12/2017 11:30

Your friend is a fool. Well done for sticking to your guns. As a parent, I wouldn’t particluraly be happy to take my child to a party such as this. You would be in so much trouble if something happened to any of the children.

HappyAndRelaxed · 30/12/2017 11:30

Yanbu to be peeved about the fb post but you are being just as passive aggressive posting here. Especially if you suspect your friend is on here and the details are unique enough to identify a situation to get yoir point across. TBF an argument about unicorn horses party is pretty unique I would have thought so your DF will know it's about her and her DD. It doesn't paint either of you in a good light.

ErinSophia · 30/12/2017 11:31

Reply to her post saying you were going to reconsider letting her use your horse but now that she's been a cf and bad mouthed you on social media you've changed your mind 😂 her face will be a picture lol x

ReanimatedSGB · 30/12/2017 11:31

The riding school that offers the service will have a selection of (probably older) horses that are particularly calm and good natured and therefore 'safe' for this kind of thing - but I expect even they would draw the line about letting overexcited kids who have no experience climb all over the animal and cover it with glitter. Their 'unicorn visit' probably means that they carefully dress the horse up with a plastic horn and a sparkly bridle, lead it round the party, maybe let DC take a short ride on it, and then take it home again.

meandmytinfoilhat · 30/12/2017 11:32

Reply to the post saying that the horse isn't suitable for young inexperienced riders and that's why you said no.

She sounds like a cheeky fucker!

mummmy2017 · 30/12/2017 11:32

Not worth the blow back of her anger, if you comment on Facebook she will be out for your blood...
Anyone who wants a horse at a party and has half a mind, knows you need a trained horse, not to borrow a child's pony.

mrsBeverleyGoldberg · 30/12/2017 11:33

Don't you need personal liability insurance for this kind of thing? What if your horse accidentally injured one of the guests? I think you were right to consider the temperament of your horse. Maybe that should be your reply?

Ruffian · 30/12/2017 11:36

You're completely in the right and doing very well not to get dragged into a row.

Feel sorry for those riding school horses, what a sickly idea for a party

Viviennemary · 30/12/2017 11:37

Of course you're not being U. I think it would be unthinkable to go ahead with this. For a start what would happen if one of them had an accident. Even forgetting about the idiotic idea of dressing a pony up and letting excited children ride it. It's madness. Even without the dressing up I'd still say no. And have as little to do with her in future as possible.

e1y1 · 30/12/2017 11:38

She’s a dick, if for no other reason than not understanding that horses are sentient, living breathing things and not a play thing/party accessory for her daughter.

RhiannonOHara · 30/12/2017 11:38

No, you're not the bad guy. She's a cunt and you're a responsible horse owner.

Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I would have had her guts for garters over this.

Good for you staying off FB. Are any mutual friends likely to ask you what's gone on? If so then you'd be within your rights to explain calmly and factually. It will eventually get round what a tit she has been.

Jassmells · 30/12/2017 11:38

What a cow. And she had to cancel something that was never arranged?!

ALunerExplorer · 30/12/2017 11:39

You did exactly the right thing (and good grief - accosting your daughter in the street?! What sort of a spoiled child is this friend of yours anyway?)

Good on you for standing your ground.

MissEliza · 30/12/2017 11:40

I normally believe in staying away from FB quarrels but this CF needs shamed. Apart from being unfair on the horse, you couldn't have guaranteed the safety of the dcs and would be exposing yourself massively if someone got hurt. She needs put in her place.

roomsonfire · 30/12/2017 11:41

I'd have commented... but that's just me.

I dont like snide behind back commenting on how mean people are when the reasons are good!

you're reasons are very good and you are thinking first about other peoples safety including your DD.