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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/12/2017 11:10

Post something like you're really sorry but couldn't get the insurance needed as your horse can be temperamental at times.

Why? I certainly wouldn't pussy-foot around someone who said the OP is 'too up herself' and who nagged her DD in the street, after the OP had already said no.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/12/2017 11:11

Facebook Reply: I told you no at the very start. A pony is not a toy and I don't run a petting zoo. You want a Unicorn Party hire a fucking unicorn!

I guarantee that almost every single person who read those posts will agree with you!

NotAgainYoda · 30/12/2017 11:11

Well clearly she's in the wrong. I wouldn't waste my time even thinking otherwise or engaging further

AnotherWorry · 30/12/2017 11:11

She'd already invited people before asking you?!

She's a cheeky cow.

And what sort of person puts unicorn horns on a horse?!!

Qvar · 30/12/2017 11:12

I absolutely would publicly call her out

“As I have already explained to you, dd’s horse is not a tame petting pony. It will not tolerate a party environment and could easily kill a child if put in a situation it can’t cope with. I don’t understand why you organised a party around a horse you have already been told you may not use. “

LaurieMarlow · 30/12/2017 11:12

Jesus Christ she sounds unhinged. I'd normally say ignore the tantrum, but in this case I'd come on very heavy about putting children's (and animals) safety first, quashing all debate.

You absolutely know you've done the right thing.

Itsallfuckery · 30/12/2017 11:12

What a twat! Aside from the fact that it sounds like a horrendous experience for the poor horse, you have said no for safety reasons.

Fb can be the root of all evil with regards to passive aggressive comments and people getting silent messages across, it happens with mums from our school. It’s all “Ooh look at the party we had that you weren’t invited to” or “I’m pissed off with you, but I won’t tell you to your face so I will just be all cryptic on fb...” sounds like this person is one of these. I’d love to say be the bigger person and ignore it, but I just couldn’t, I’d have to post a comment to her. Probably not the most mature advice, but how dare she go publicly saying what she likes and expect you to be all polite and not retaliate? YANBU, she’s a dick

Gingersstuff · 30/12/2017 11:12

What Chienrouge said. Your reasons for not doing this are eminently sensible and she'd be the first person to kick off if one of her DDs or their friends was nipped or kicked by your stressed pony. Does she actually realise that a pony is a living, breathing and often unpredictable animal? Probably not. You're quite right to stick to your guns.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 30/12/2017 11:13

Or actually @qvar’s response is good too! Then block her.

witchofzog · 30/12/2017 11:13

She is an entitled twat op. What have the replies been to her post?

NotAgainYoda · 30/12/2017 11:13

And if you think she's a MNetter and on here a lot you don't have to do anything. This is what I think you'd call a unique scenario. She'll recognise herself

Original poster
HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:14

Thanks all!

The riding school down the road does exactly what she wants but they charge about £200 - because they use their horses, have 1 to 1 adult supervision and insurance. She obviously thought I'd lend her DD's horse so she could do it for free.

She seems to think I was going to change my mind and has now realised I'm not going to.

I don't want to get involved in a row on Facebook so I'm trying to take the high road

It's not safe, plus DD doesn't want her horse dressed up and glittery and our yard just isn't that kind of yard. It's fab, everyone is friendly and it's exactly what we want but I can't imagine 6 overexcited little girls brandishing glitter is going to go down well.

OP posts:
Idontevencareanymore · 30/12/2017 11:15

Oh I'd have to comment. She's a bit of a twat really and I'm so over people like that.

twiney · 30/12/2017 11:16

Just comment with a link to this thread!

Hi unicorn twat mum!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 30/12/2017 11:17

Just when you think you have read it all on mumsnet along comes a glittery pony with unicorn horn to prove you wrong 😂

Pengggwn · 30/12/2017 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaurieMarlow · 30/12/2017 11:18

You're good to take the moral high ground better than me Grin

Honestly though, has she two brain cells to rub together? What if someone got injured? Who tries to put people in that position?

AlpacaPicnic · 30/12/2017 11:19

I'd be sitting on my hands in order not to reply...

But the devil on my shoulder would be itching to 'like' her post. No comment, no reply, no war of words. Just one little sarcastic thumbs up :)

WatchingFromTheWings · 30/12/2017 11:20

YADNBU. Your friend is a twat.

Hortonlovesahoo · 30/12/2017 11:20

I’d have to use @qvar ‘s response. Cheeky madam!

Sludgecolours · 30/12/2017 11:20

Bloody hell! How cheeky and very ignorant of her!

I'd reply (if I had the balls)

"If I am the "friend" who has apparently "let you down" then as I already explained my dd's horse doesn't have the right temperament to be dressed up as a unicorn and fussed by lots of DC. It would be putting the children at risk. And I am not sure about the ethics of doing this to an animal anyway."

Tbh, the worst thing is that she had the temerity to lecture your child about kindness and sharing when not in your presence!!

Original poster
HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:21

Sorry, crossed loads of posts.

I'm not 100% she's on here but she's mentioned things I've seen on here so I'm assuming.

I don't care if she reads this, I just didn't want it linked to any other stuff I've posted.

OP posts:
ProseccoPoppy · 30/12/2017 11:21

Shock of course you couldn’t agree to that - ffs. What was she thinking? Bet she’d have been the type to threaten to sue if your horse got (understandably) spooked and injured a small child. You even found her a workable alternative. If she really wants to do if that badly she’ll need to pay the riding school, obviously.

CocaColaTruck · 30/12/2017 11:21

I would end the friendship. Tell her she's a lying cow and unfriend her.

Tiredmum100 · 30/12/2017 11:22

Yanbu. I don't like these type of parties. These are living and breathing animals and need to be treated as such. Not as toys. Imagine if there was an accident and the horse got overwhelmed with all the fussing. You did the right thing as a sensible horse owner. What was she thinking? "Oh, my friends got a horse, that'll do". No thought as to the personality of the horse, temperament or what the horse is use to.