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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
Stolenchoccies · 01/01/2018 04:30

Happy New year

sophe · 01/01/2018 06:33

A LIVING CREATURE IS NOT A TOY. Yo should have told her so in no uncertain terms and added that your own insurance prohibits this sort of thing. Tell her that treating animals as part of a grand entertainment is a form of animal cruelty and sending ENTIRELY THE WRONG MESSAGE TO CHILDREN. Post it under your real name to everyone involved. I would.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 01/01/2018 08:32

"Judging by the fact that your dd's horse likes rolling in the mud, it clearly doesn't want to be a unicorn, it wants to be a labrador"

This made me snigger! Xmas Grin

diddl · 01/01/2018 09:34

Op shouldn't have to make up excuses about insurance-she told the woman no!

Even if her horse would have loved it she could still tell the woman no!

You don't have to lend anything to anyone.

Abbylee · 01/01/2018 10:00

I feel like I was beaten with a bag of rocks bc our newfoundland dog spooked and pulled me over; I'm an adult, he's a dog vs young shrieking girls and v.lg. horse.
If you were identified, all of the other mothers would thank you for your kindness and intelligence and strength to say NO. I grew up with horses, my dd rode for a couple years, everyone I know who rides has been hurt. Usually by a new horse or when they are new to horses. That mother is what everyone else says and more. To jeopardize children is irresponsible: broken collar bone (fall), broken finger (bitten), dead tooth (kick), knocked off and banged up (New rider/horse) just injuries in my direct family. Quote me if you wish. I'm the person whose dd has head injury from texting drivers. That woman is a stupid, narcissistic idiot. Permanent injuries are heart breaking.

MMF5623 · 01/01/2018 10:48

One might have been tempted to comment on her post, and added this link so she and all her friends could she how pathetic she is being.

Thehappygardener · 01/01/2018 12:03

Your ‘friend’ 😱 is being ludicrous - even good natured, tolerant horses are HUGE and can inadvertently do quite a lot of accidental damage to children/adults/anything.

Unfriend her before she has another bright idea for a party involving your pets/possessions/house!

😊✅

KC225 · 01/01/2018 12:17

Neigh, neigh and thrice neigh. She wasn't at the party. All that back chatting, maybe she is feeling a little horse.

Please tell us other party guests knew the story or had seen the Facebook comments.

All this could have been avoided if she had coughed up the 200 quid for the proper party. The fact you say her daughters ride and have their own helmets makes it worse as I assumed she didn't know one end of a horse from the other.

Original poster
HorseCFery · 01/01/2018 12:32

A few people at the party knew about it an also thought she was bonkers.

Mutual friend saw her on Friday and she was talking about it. Mutual friend put her straight - that there’s no way on earth I’d let her use DD’s pony. Probably why the FB status appeared

Sorry, I meant our yard do riding lessons so have spare hats. Her DDs have never had anything beyond a quick pony ride at a fete

OP posts:
Original poster
HorseCFery · 01/01/2018 12:34

Sorry, posted too soon

DD’s horse is very tolerant up to a point - she puts up with me asking why the long face every morning. She can have dizzy moments - she was mortally offended by a yellow bucket yesterday, but on the whole she’s a total Love

OP posts:
KC225 · 01/01/2018 12:36

Why the long favce, every morning. Hahahaha

Pretenditsaplan · 01/01/2018 12:46

Just be careful.she doesnt turn up at your stables and tell them "you said it was ok" i could see her trying it

Original poster
HorseCFery · 01/01/2018 13:02

I sometimes ask if she’s feeling a little hoarse. She just Hmm

I’ve mentioned it up at the yard, there’s always people about so they’d stop her. Plus she’d have to find saddle, bridle, etc which are all kept in a locked tack room. I’m not even sure she’d know which one was DD’s horse anyway.

OP posts:
Puppymouse · 01/01/2018 13:07

Jesus what an absolute belter of a twat Angry

Why on earth is it your responsibility to fulfil her children's party needs anyway even if your DD's pony was a saint? This definitely belongs in CF topic.

My DHorse is lovely but there are some adults I wouldn't want handling him just because of safety etc. Some people are unbelievable. I'd be distancing myself immediately. You did nothing wrong. Bet she would have been first to take to FB when pony nipped or trod on on of her moppets.

Willow2017 · 01/01/2018 14:19

I’m not even sure she’d know which one was DD’s horse anyway.

That says it all really. She doesnt know one horse from another. Its just 'a horse' a big soft pet that does as its told, has no feelings, no mind of its own and would love her brat and friends pawing at it. Its 'just a horse, any horse will do they are all the same'.
Bet she is the talk of your friends silly cow.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 01/01/2018 14:49

People never cease to amaze me. A horse is a living creature, not some toy you dress up or down as you wish. If yours doesn't have the sort of personality that would tolerate a load of kids mauling it and sprinkling glitter on it, then tough. Let her pay, as others have said. In fact, I don't think this should be done to any living animal.

HollyWollyDooDah · 01/01/2018 15:10

I hate it when people think they are entitled to ride your horse because you have one
I'm lucky enough to have three and used to get this a lot
They also invite themselves down to pet your pony Hmm
I would send her a message and tell her how upset and hurt you are that she has assumed she could use your horse, and to invite others that you may not know/want around your horse and after all of this assumption has posted it all over fb when there was no arrangement in the first place

You could always reply to the post and say oh I'm so sorry that the horse is lame and hope that you could get through to the riding school I gave you the details for

BrokeAndBad · 01/01/2018 15:12

It's a horse, not a toy Angry

buckeejit · 01/01/2018 15:14

She's a silly dickhead

DrRanjsRightEyebrow · 01/01/2018 15:16

facebook: "I said no from the beginning, you haven't been let down. You then accosted and harangued my daughter. I have told you it would be dangerous and I am not willing to risk the safety of small children inexperienced in horses that are easily spooked, even if you apparently are."

Mary1955 · 01/01/2018 15:23

This made me really angry. Perhaps she'd like to borrow the rest of your family to cover in glitter and use as (or worse) too? She's an idiot, stick to your guns op x

curlilox · 01/01/2018 15:24

It's a pony, not a toy for children to play with, and what your friend is suggesting would be an ordeal to the poor creature. You are absolutely right to refuse.

Mary1955 · 01/01/2018 15:24

Use as ornaments. I'm an idiot too, it would seem!

StaplesCorner · 01/01/2018 15:27

She'll want a go on your DH next.

rainbowduck · 01/01/2018 15:31

Because I am a 'delightful' character, I would send her a HNY text and say you missed seeing her at the party last night...