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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 30/12/2017 12:14

Fucking hell

Tell her she can borrow my cat and turn it into Uni-Kitty. He’s a vicious ginger bastard who will shred the lot of them in seconds.

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 30/12/2017 12:17

Well done. Hopefully she will just delete the status instead of getting cross.

TheStoic · 30/12/2017 12:19

This reminds me of the poster whose friend gave away a haircut from her salon without asking first.

So many CF around these days.

KatharinaRosalie · 30/12/2017 12:19

So she planned the party assuming she can use something belonging to someone else, and didn't change the plans when she was told no?

Hey Unicorn Twat, I have decided to hold my next party at your house. It's important to share! Invites have gone out.

BewareOfDragons · 30/12/2017 12:20

She will probably delete it.

She will still blame you, though, even though she should be falling all over herself apologizing asap.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 30/12/2017 12:21

I'm glad you responded. There id no such thing as the moral high ground ehen it comes to things like this - saying nothing just means that people like her get away with appalling behaviour!

I would have absolutely done my nut if someone had a go at my child in the street over something like this.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 30/12/2017 12:21

A special prize for the first poster to post a picture of their cat covered with glitter and wearing a unicorn horn in the correct position on their head. Cat must be conscious and undrugged and poster must be alive to receive prize.

Allthewaves · 30/12/2017 12:21

Horses are aniamals who can cause serious harm - is she for fucking real

OuaisMaisBon · 30/12/2017 12:21

TheStoic - I guess CFs think that if they present someone with a fait accompli, they will be too embarrassed/surprised/shocked to knock them back?

Solly76 · 30/12/2017 12:21

You are definitely not unreasonable. Far from it. She is totally unreasonable. You said no because you considered the safety of the children and also the needs of the horse as being paramount. She needs to understand that. I know little about horses, but to me using an animal as entertainment to dress up and be climbed over at a children's party is a no no. That's my personal view anyway. Horses are large animals and can be dangerous if they get stressed or scared. Why should the poor horse be clambered over and be subjected to excited squealing kids and have glitter and stuff stuck on it. You know your horse and it's temperament and what it will tolerate. CF needs to respect your decision.
As for her lecturing your DD, how bloody dare she. Saying she needs to share, like a horse is a toy rather than a sentient being!

Sounds like she went off making promises and showing off to her DDs friends and their mums and now she can't deliver. So she's being passive aggressive on FB. Think she needs to be shown up for how stupid and cheeky she is.
Some previous posters had some good wording. Certainly do not apologise. There is nothing for you to apologise for.

Coloursthatweremyjoy · 30/12/2017 12:21

I came home once to find that DH had attempted to turn the dog into a skeleton for Halloween. I think it was chalk...Dog did not look impressed. He looked up how to do it...Apparently you need emulsion!

No way!

I'm tempted by the spider costumes for dogs mind...anyone else seen that video of the one they put in a subway? Brilliant. I suspect Dog would not play ball though.

Bambamber · 30/12/2017 12:22

Would she rather her child gets a hoof to the face?

Munchyseeds · 30/12/2017 12:22

You are not "the bad guy "here
The pony is not a toy
Ask your friend what happens if pony decided she has had enough and someone gets kicked in the face?
Insurance??
Not worth thinking about

MynewnameisKy · 30/12/2017 12:23

Hey Unicorn Twat, I have decided to hold my next party at your house. It's important to share! Invites have gone out.

Xmas GrinXmas GrinXmas GrinXmas Grin

OP please post this!

pictish · 30/12/2017 12:23

TheStoic - I remember that one. Did it stand as being genuine? I have a vague recollection of it turning out to be a load of BS but I could easily be getting mixed up with another thread....there is so much BS on here I lose track.

Allthewaves · 30/12/2017 12:24

ooow post the details of the stable that does the party stuff she wants and phrase it as a helpful suggestion Grin

TheStoic · 30/12/2017 12:26

Actually pictish, I can’t remember if it was legit! As you say, it’s getting hard to keep track. :-/

KERALA1 · 30/12/2017 12:26

The reason the providers rightly charge is that they need insurance because you are liable if your horse kicks little Ava in the head and she is brain damaged as a result. They would sue you you can be sure of that.

There was an upsetting case where a family sued another family who owned the trampoline on which their child sustained life changing injuries.

No bloody way op!

Sludgecolours · 30/12/2017 12:26

Candlelight Your point is very pertinent! Smile

DC's old riding school used to allow regular pupils who knew the individual (placid) horses well, to spend 30 mins at the end of a week long camp, to groom the ponies in teams, plait ribbons in their names and tails, and paint on a foot oil that contained horse-safe glitter. These ponies were used to being around lots of DC, but the DC were also well trained in how to behave around horses. The dc would then dress up themselves and have a 5 minutes parade. Then everyone was told to put the horses back to how they were and they were let out to graze and chill.

Even in these controlled and well supervised circumstances, one of the horses would usually protest a bit (for exampke, one of the horses shied slightly at a pointy witches hat one of the DC was wearing).

I'd hate to think what would happen in less controlled circs. I think the riding school activity was just about ok because both the ponies and the DC learnt from it (grooming, plaiting, handling and standing skills) it was short and sweet and not too overwhelming.

Dressing a pony up to look like a unicorn and being swarmed over by excited kids who haven't been around ponies before, is another thing entirely!

lastqueenofscotland · 30/12/2017 12:26

There is something stable about people treating other people's horses as communal property... I recently spent a fortune having to have a fence put up inside a fence as despite covering my field with "don't feed the horses they are vile" signs people continued to do so and my horse who was incredibly territorial about food would bite people or beat up his fieldmate if he saw him getting fed. I had someone knock on the door if the yard to say that the horse had bitten them Hmm
People don't do this with dogs/cats/cars/houses...

Sweetiedarlingletmein · 30/12/2017 12:28

You are 100% not the bad guy here. I think these kind of parties are unnecessary and quite cruel!

Ohyesiam · 30/12/2017 12:28

She clearly hasn't heard a word you've said.

I'm not into conflict or drama, and like to
" keep my side of the street clean " in ethical terms. But I'm not convinced about the wisdom of not responding to her fb post.
She needs to hear about your safety concerns, she seems to think the horse is a commodity to share out, where as you were thinking of the welfare of the horse andher kids.

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 30/12/2017 12:30

YANBU, a horse is not a toy, it's an animal. There is no obligation to share and there is the safety aspect as you have mentioned.

Twoo · 30/12/2017 12:31

Only thing to do in this vcf situation. Unfriend on fb and distance yourself in rl. Good riddance.

Ohyesiam · 30/12/2017 12:31

Ooh, just seen your update. Well done

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