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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 30/12/2017 11:42

Unicorn Twat Mum 😃😃😃😃

Seriously, I'd reply because I'm a gobshite with "Sorry UTM, I'm not prepared to put several children at risk just for the sake of a bit of glitter. In fact, it was quite irresponsible to ask!"

Make HER look like the twat!

pictish · 30/12/2017 11:43

Yanbu and I would absolutely reply to the fb post because I would be furious she publically implicated me as the source of her dd's disappointment and as a general let down. I wouldn't let her away with it.

"As I explained to you, our pony is wholly unsuitable for playing 'dress up horsey' with young children. Again, she is quite temperamental and may kick or bite a little one. It is not a risk I am prepared to take and certainly not one you should be comfortable with either.
I resent the implication that I have let you down. If you had asked about our pony's suitability in the first place, before issuing invitations for a pony party I had not agreed to, you would not be in the position of having to cancel it."

Fuck her.

Willow2017 · 30/12/2017 11:44

Glad i am not on fb because i would have to call her out on this. Its basically telling lies about you and slandering you as everyone will know who she is talking about.

I would say "organising a 'party' to abuse someine else's horse without first asking them is a fucking stupid thing to do in the first place. Accosting a child in the street to try to bully them into letting thier horse be pawed at and glittered by a bunch of kids is taking it to another level. Horses are not toys. Our horse is nervous around strangers if it bit or kicked one of the kids i am sure you would be the first to complain. Do not bother contacting me again over this or anything else. A friend doesn't slander people in public when they were in the wrong in the first place. You want a stupid 'pony party' then pay someone with the ponies with the right temperament and all the required supervision and proper legal insurance you cheapskate.

Fucking cfery is strong in this one 😉

HollyJollyDillydolly · 30/12/2017 11:44

Wow Shock
She is a c.f. indeed! I don't understand how people can be so entitled now, what's wrong with these people?!

RidingWindhorses · 30/12/2017 11:45

She's clearly seriously unintelligent to not understand the safety issues with young kindsand horses. Is she actually intelligent enough to be worth being friends with?

troodiedoo · 30/12/2017 11:46

Reply with a link for unicorn tail butt plug and suggest she does the job herself. Maximum CF-ery!

Namechangetempissue · 30/12/2017 11:46

She sounds like an utter idiot.
I get that not everyone will understand how a horse can behave and that not all have a temperament suitable for hoards of kids smacking glitter and unicorn horns on it, but no is no, you have explained why and that should be it.
My ex boss asked if her little grandson (3) could come and have a sit and walk around the arena on our show stallion -NOT a childs pony. Exceptionally well behaved for a stallion, but a stallion none the less, and in peak physical show condition. She understood perfectly when I said sorry, no and pointed her in the direction of our local riding school. It's fine to ask, just as long as you are not a dick when you get a refusal!
Plus our yard is not a place for excitable kids and glitter -it has other owners, loose dogs, big horses going in and out. Really not the perfect environment for a party.
I wouldn't say anything to her PA post. She is a dick. Just cut off contact with her.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/12/2017 11:47

So she presumably wants to use your yard ( that'll go down well with all the glitter and chalk blowing around) , the indoor school perhaps (you'd need to reserve it , possibly pay) or did she want you to take the pony to her garden (to churn it up)
The ponies that do these parties tend to be the tiny pretty greys or piebalds, happy to be brushed and fussed (and yes there are ponies out there like this) but they are picked for their temper and supervised that it doesn't get too much.
Probably not ridden by a load of shrieking kicking children either.

If it was anything else - you have a lovely garden , you could put a marquee here and I could use your pool
or you make brilliant cakes , can you make me one for free, oh and deliver it
or , I love your car , I really need a big white BMW to take my DC to prom, you're not doing anything that night?

You'd be GTTFSOFATFOSM......... the fact its a living sentient animal is 100x worse Shock

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 30/12/2017 11:47

troodie 😃😃😅

A horse's ass for a horse's ass!

Pengggwn · 30/12/2017 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mia184 · 30/12/2017 11:49

They offer unicorns on a website called Yorkshire Wonders:

to think I'm not the bad guy here
HunterHearstHelmsley · 30/12/2017 11:50

You're not a bad guy at all in this scenario! What kind of fucking idiot arranges the party without sorting any of the logistics?!

She has let her daughters down. You're protecting your pony and rightfully so.

Rainbowmother · 30/12/2017 11:50

How stupid is she? If your horse booted one of the friends, she would soon be blaming you.

She invited people and made arrangements when you had only said no.

She accosted your dd and insinuated she was selfish.

I couldn't take the high road Grin I'd have to point out she was lying to her fb friends

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 30/12/2017 11:51

She’s certainly no friend!

I bet if you took private liability insurance for a party of young girls to play with your horse it would cost more than booking with the riding school anyway.

Dump her sorry arse, if she ever asks why you’ve unfriended her and ignore her just quote that you’re too up yourself!

She is a CF

Weedsnseeds1 · 30/12/2017 11:52

You know it's not a bomb proof riding school pony, so you would have been irresponsible to say yes.
Tell her your friend's Caucasian Shepherd dog, that's the size of a pony, would be happy to be mauled around by small children. And that as long as they keep it muzzled and have some Lumos of raw meat to distract it if it gets over excited, it should be perfectly safe!

dancinfeet · 30/12/2017 11:52

I know nothing about horses, have only ridden one once. But I am gobsmacked at her cheek!! It's a horse, not a toy! Rude and entitled springs to mind

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 30/12/2017 11:52

Are the other parents (of the invited / or not invited as the case may be children) Not a bit "Eh?" if they look at the logistics?

ItsNachoCheese · 30/12/2017 11:52

You have done the right thing here. Imagine you had said yes and god forbid your horse hurt someone she would be the first to kick up hell

kaytee87 · 30/12/2017 11:53

*I absolutely would publicly call her out

“As I have already explained to you, dd’s horse is not a tame petting pony. It will not tolerate a party environment and could easily kill a child if put in a situation it can’t cope with. I don’t understand why you organised a party around a horse you have already been told you may not use. “*

^ this. Bugger taking the high road, that just means CF like her can continue being CF!!

Original poster
HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:53

Thanks all!

I've cracked. I was selfish and horrible to disappoint young children so I've posted on it. Just reiterating that I said no right back when she first asked me and stating that DD's horse is just not safe enough for that sort of party. That I'd hate for someone to get seriously hurt and that our yard just isn't suitable for birthday parties.

I've got 2 likes on my comment so far.

Someone asked about insurance, we have liability insurance but I'm not sure whether it would cover this sort of thing.

I went down the safety aspect with her as I thought that would make the most impact. There are many other reasons - the suitability of the yard, that DD doesn't want her horse treated as a toy, horse is a prolific roller and I just don't have the time or inclination to clean her up for the party and then get glitter off her - you can get safe glitter and dye for horses but DD just wants to ride, not fanny about with shite like that

OP posts:
MrsNacho · 30/12/2017 11:54

Wow she has a brass neck. Agree with others saying she would sue if it went wrong.

I would have to reply to that comment though. Any of the above replies are great.

kaytee87 · 30/12/2017 11:55

Good for you op!!

TrickyKid · 30/12/2017 11:55

She sounds like a nutter. I assume she's not even considered insurance or any safety issues. You absolutely did the right thing saying no. I would comment on the fb post saying you are not a children's party organiser, not insured to do it etc.

Namechangetempissue · 30/12/2017 11:56

Even the sweetest horse/pony can step on your toe (and it bloody hurts, even with teeny, non shod hooves), accidentally nip little fingers while feeding treats, knock kids over while fidgeting or moving over, flick you in the eye with a tail (my mare is particularly good at that one).

Maelstrop · 30/12/2017 11:56

YANBU, my yard offers this with riding school plod tolerant ponies. Individual private ponies probably won’t. Mine swings his bum at you if he’s bored of being groomed or thinks I might have a sweet handy. He’s lovely, but a big lad. Your ‘friend’ is stupid.

Rather than respond to her ridiculous post, put up a picture of your dd riding in a proper outfit and say something about how proud you are of her for being so grown up and handling her pony as it should be handled. #notatoy

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