to think I'm not the bad guy here

[HorseCFery]

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

We're currently debating whether to go tonight. It's pissing down and blowing a hooley.

I've spent the afternoon at the yard with DD, got soaking wet, extremely muddy and I'm knackered.

I CBA!

I don't actually think she thought through any of the logistics of it - hats, they do lessons so they have hats, but was she just assuming it would be OK to borrow them? Where is she expecting to do it? The indoor school is used for lessons and other horse owners at the weekend. Was I supposed to sort all this shit out?

I was going to have to make a grubby horse presentable enough for a party, then clean all the crap off her. Horse would have to stay in all day instead of being up the field with her buddies. DD is off school all next week and is hacking out with her friends several days - she'll be filthy!

My kids are 16 and 14, I'm done with birthday parties like this, I don't want to supervise this shit.

Anyway, off to stare into my wardrobe and see if there's anything I can wear tonight

Having a group of kids,who do not know how to behave around horses, "play" with it (and put glitter/horn/nailvarnish whatever on it) sounds like a most idiotic idea.

Only people who have no clue about horses would think this a good idea.

A stupid entitled mum and ditto silly daughter and this set up would almost guarantee an injury, horse would stand on girls feet, or kick or bite, or if they all start squealing or something stupid it would get spooked

Beyond idiotic!

Aww Horse how selfish if you to not want to do all that and provide hats for everyonevand for your dd not to want to hack out on a glittery horse.
Cant believe how selfish some people are won't you pleeze think of the kidz hun?

Bugger that for a bunch of bananas.

Stay in and get pissed watching the hootenanny.

That way you'll only have to worry about getting up for a refill instead of dealing with the unicorn numpty tonight.

You are completely in the right, op. Your so called friend obviously hasn’t got the first clue about horses and it’s very stupid of her to plan her daughter’s birthday party around YOUR horse. Liability insurance aside, he/she is your horse, not a toy for children to dress up.

Sadly I don’t think this will be the last time it will happen. 🙁

Was I supposed to sort all this shit out?

Of course. Didn't you realise?

Anyway, off to stare into my wardrobe and see if there's anything I can wear tonight

Do you have a unicorn onsie?

I've seen all the unicorn glitter tat and hate it. Your friend is a fool

I agree that the woman is nuts if she thinks she can have a unicorn party with a horse of unknown temperament, without public liability insurance or supervision by qualified professionals. But I find it more nuts that she seems to have this expectation of "sharing" someone else's property. That's not how the adult world works! Would she also expect you to "share" your car and other valuable items?

Green

Maybe something like this for OP and DH?

I would choose the arse end so I wouldn't have to talk to numpty woman.

You simply must accessorize with a unicorn horn hairband. :)

Why is it people think it's ok to share a horse.

Nobody ever asks to share my dog or cat.

My dog is really placid but when Dear Neices come round he hides.

I have the best t-shirt you could have borrowed for tonight... it's got a picture of a unicorn and in slightly sparkly writing the words 'I'm silently judging you'

If only we'd known!

.

Bit late to the party but yanbu. Glad you replied to her post. Cheeky fucker

As an aside I love the sound of your horse. I think I've found a kindred spirit for my toddler.

Have an awesome evening

Having been hauled around by my very sweet looking but very opinionated pony today, the thought of an inexperienced person anywhere near fills me with dread. The big one was okay, but don't think she would've liked his 16.3 bulk wading in with or without sparkles...

@HorseCFery I just love the fact that your "friend" wanted to try and unicornfy a pony whose greatest desire is rolling in the muddiest puddle ever

I don't think I would be able to not post on her comments on facebook id comment and explain the situation, then unfriend the idiot and id never speak to her again. She is no friend.
It's a ridiculous idea what she suggested to do. Goodness knows what she would be like if you had said yes and something was to happen.
It's not worth the hassle.
New Year you don't need people like that in your life.

Go with what Tinselistacky posted. Also add to the post that you werentvaware a party had been organised before finding a suitable Unicorn!

YANBU. Has she not heard of the concept of animal welfare, ie animals exist for themselves and not as some form of entertainment value for this woman‘s brats and her social circle?? Call her out for accosting your child - in public to boot - another vulnerable being who she knows won‘t be able to stand up to her! What a disgusting person, trying to exploit an animal, shaming your child and potentially putting other children in danger.

She’s being an absolute twat! YANBU at all. As a rider for many, many years I certainly wouldn’t let children who have never ridden be near a horse. Especially just to pretty it up as a unicorn! (WTF!). She’d soon fkin complain if you’d have said yes, and the horse went on to injure one of the kids.

Plain rude of her to accost your DD and moan about sharing.

Call her out on Facebook! She’s being a bitch

She doesn't sound like a friend tbh. The grabby bitch should have paid for a party with the stables that you recommend.

I would be tempted to point out to her that you never agreed to let her use your horse.

This would be bloody cheeky if she'd asked to use your garden for a party because you had a hot tub/trampoline/monkey gym or something, if you said no. That would have to be an end to it. But to ask about a horse? And when told no, not safe, horse wouldn't go along with it, she has the nerve to have a hissy and harangue your child?

Does she not know how dangerous riding is, potentially? This is a 15h horse with a bit of a stubborn streak, and she wanted it to be used like a beach donkey, giving rides to small kids? Is she insane, or just hard of thinking? I wouldn't want my small kids attending a party like that - as you say, riding schools have all sorts of risk assessments, and are deemed safe enough to get insurance. How the hell could you do a proper risk assessment, even if you wanted to donate hours of your own time to working on her child's party, for free?

Some people don't seem to understand that animals are sentient. A horse is not a My Little Pony that moves. If the horse doesn't like this sort of stuff, that needs to be respected. As does its preferences around lots of screaming small kids being in its personal space.

This is a CF. If she's on MN and reading this, shame on you, because you aren't fair on the horse, on OP's child, on OP... or on all the kids you'd hoped to ask, because you would put them at risk of injury if OP were more easily manipulated. Serious injury. I know someone whose back was broken by a fall from a horse. Care to explain that to a parent, and why you hadn't paid for a safe party, or just done one that you could, in fact, afford? OP has done you a favour and saved you from yourself, frankly.

Love how OP is sneered at for being posh and selfish for having a horse, by people who think she should pay for their own kids to ride. Not selfish for them to want her to subsidise their kids; selfish for her to look after the welfare of an animal, and small children. Okay then!

Tell her that the insurance doesn't cover another children only u DD, if she wants she will have to pay £200 for the insurance other wise u will be in trouble. Get away from friends like this is also a good idea. I was so glad when I got rid of some freeloading friends.