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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 31/12/2017 19:44

Y are so NBU. Tell her to google ‘girl kicked by horse’, stupid woman.

No way I would want a child of mine to attend that party.

user1495222250 · 31/12/2017 19:45

You're most definitely not the bad guy here! You've thought it through and know that it wouldn't be the right and safe thing to do. I think she's very cheeky to ask, and to expect you to allow a group of kids to be putting glitter on the horse's coat. And to take it out on your child, too. Not acceptable, at all.

Will people reading that post know she is referring to you? I'm getting fairly stroppy in my old age, so I'd be inclined to put her, and everyone, straight on Facebook. No need to be stroppy like me; you could just calmly talk about the safety issues etc and say how you'd hate to see any children injured should your daughter's horse react badly to something.

If you did want to be a bit bitchy, though, you could point out you told her about someone else offering the service, but maybe it was a bit pricy for her....?

SenoritaViva · 31/12/2017 19:45

What an entitled woman.

Never read a thread where NOONE has disagreed with th OP's actions!

AbsentmindedWoman · 31/12/2017 19:49

Shock she is beyond entitled and thoughtless! A horse is not a toy!

FaveNumberIs2 · 31/12/2017 19:49

She is not a friend. Dump her.
My best friend’s 20 year old daughter recently suffered concussion and short term memory loss from one fall as she was getting on a horse, in full protection gear. And she’s a very experienced rider. As a child, I myself was kicked in the face and still have the scar (albeit a tiny one) so you are not being unreasonable in telling her no. Horses are not animals you can ‘play’ with. They don’t sit and stay. Stick to your guns and quite frankly, dump her ungrateful ass.

I can imagine what her mnet post would be had you said yes and there’d been an incident!

Clairaloulou · 31/12/2017 19:50

I’m so glad you replied OP, but I would also have said something along the lines of “and whilst we’re talking about so-called friends, accosting my child in the street because you’re not getting your own way isn’t friendly behaviour.”

diddl · 31/12/2017 19:51

I wonder what she told parents about the party thet they thought they were sending their kids to for them to think it was OK iyswim?

"The kids will be going to some stabes where a mate has got a horse & they can groom it & apply unicorn accessories??"

Whose going to agree to that??

EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck · 31/12/2017 19:54

perfectstorm, if the CF's on MN, she probably thinks she's in the right, unfortunately.

Chocolate50 · 31/12/2017 19:56

Its your horse and you know her best. I think your friend has an element of jealousy in her actions? From what you've said, does she not have a lot of money? this isn't your problem at all, but it might be an insight to the reasons she's reacted the way she has. Her DD's don't get horse riding lessons etc, so wondering if this is because she can't afford it, same with the party?
Still though, she's been really immature in the way she's responded, the whole fb thing is really unnecessary & so you'll have to decide whether her friendship is worth talking to her about it, giving her your reasons and telling her to take the fb post down as its disrespectful and apologising to your DD. Seriously, tell your DD that this was not about her or anything she's done, (I'm sure you have already) And tell her to continue being herself. Or alternatively fuck her off, delete her & ignore her, you only know which is for you

cheval · 31/12/2017 20:02

I ride and nothing on earth would make me agree to that. Unfair on the pony and potentially dangerous to children. Horses are large flight animals, they can bite, rear, kick, barge if alarmed, which I imagine it would be with a party of excited children around it. What if a child did get hurt? Or your pony?
Your so called friend sounds horrible. I would be very angry with her, accosting your child, Facebook posts. Horrid.

Pearlsaringer · 31/12/2017 20:04

Jesus, a unicorn tribute act, now I’ve heard everything. Nope, YWNBU.

laura6032 · 31/12/2017 20:05

I'm not a horsey person (they are beautiful animals) , because I have known people who have horses and they are temperamental stubborn bastards! Friends have been kicked, trampled, bit, by their horses, horses they've had for years (no horses were sent to glue factory, as the owners love and forgave) but absolutely agree with you, horses are not for young children with no experience to be dressing up and playing with. And if your friend does not understand tell her about the government scientist who stated that taking extasy was safer than riding a horse!

Caro35 · 31/12/2017 20:08

You have done the right thing. Think of the horse. Happy new year

notapizzaeater · 31/12/2017 20:09

Good for you, she must be bloody mad. You cant just 'borrow' animals ....

Scotland32 · 31/12/2017 20:12

She obviously knows nothing about horses and is also not someone I would consider a friend judging by her FB post.
I am a horse owner and my DD also has a pony. I completely agree with you - unless pony is bombproof (even then, they are still animals and all parents would need to be made to appreciate that), I would never consider a pony party. It's not worth the risk. Show her some of the posts on here. She needs to understand that this is about the pony and not about you being a bad friend.

rcat · 31/12/2017 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

searose · 31/12/2017 20:17

My DGD had a birthday party with a pony and other stroking animals. These were advertising as available for children’s parties and pony butted cousin against a tree. You are in the right enjoy the moral high ground and ignore her FB post

AtrociousCircumstance · 31/12/2017 20:20

Fucking hell, your ex friend is a complete fool. How entitled can people get? Ugh the Facebook whining.

Well done for standing firm and it sounds like your comment in response to her was calmly expressed and rational.

You’ve made her look the idiot she is to her whole Facebook squad. Happy new year Grin

Charolais · 31/12/2017 20:21

Kids who have never been around horses can get hurt very quickly and it takes a special horse/pony to tolerate a unicorn horn, glitter and ribbons.

My son was 6 when he got his first pony which some local children thought was a toy. I came home from work to find that they had taken her out of the paddock and were playing with her. I came around the corner just in time to see one of her back hooves come flying out, just missing a child’s head.

If one of the kids had been hurt I could have been sued under the ‘Attractive nuisance’ laws we have here.

Booboo66 · 31/12/2017 20:22

There are very few ponies that would actually be ok with this and that’s why those that are are snapped up by riding schools and being used for beginners and are invaluable to these businesses. Very few privately owned ponies would be comfortable or safe being surrounded by excited inexperienced kids. The woman is batshit! My dd has full use of a pony but I paid £20 per head at a riding school for her pony party this year as none of her friends have riding/pony experience so our pony would have been totally unsuitable. She’s simply not used to it and can be w but if a madam. Plus the school was able to provide several ponies so no one pony was surrounded by a gaggle of excited girls (there was also no glitter or unicorn horns)

Phalenopsisgirl · 31/12/2017 20:26

Well done. I would worry about insurance too, you are not a riding school and neither is your yard. It is one thing having one friend to come and groom the pony but this sounds like utter madness. I can’t imagine the posibility for kids toes being trodden on and no doubt they wouldn’t be wearing safe foot wear. You are deffinately nbu

alannasmummyx · 31/12/2017 20:27

I for one, Work at a riding school that hosts pony parties... even our ponies who do it regularly get pissed off at kids who clamber up onto them or shout and scream around them! YDNBU!

jessebuni · 31/12/2017 20:28

Wow... I mean if she’d have asked if maybe her DD could have a ride on the horse for her birthday or something then I’d sort of understand that but wanting to borrow a friends horse to have a party with it dressed up? Um no. Bit of an extreme request. I wouldn’t WANT to throw a children’s pony party (unicorn or otherwise) unless it was at a proper stables with full insurance for that kind of thing and suitable horses for the situation.

As for confronting your daughter about sharing after you were the one that said no because of safety reasons not DD because she didn’t want to share. I would have been so livid. I definitely wouldn’t be worried about losing her as a friend. Best of luck with NYE!

Jux · 31/12/2017 20:32

So she won’t spend 200 quid on making her own children happy, but expects you to have your dd lose use of her horse for 3 days for them? Interesting friend you have there.

Pearlsaringer · 31/12/2017 20:39

Think you have missed a trick here, OP. You should have commented “good news! No need to cancel party, have had a word for you with X stables who have the kind of horse you need for your darling glitterfest. They can accommodate you on the date you want and are waiting to hear from you to confirm arrangements and take deposit!”

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