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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I'm not the bad guy here

445 replies

HorseCFery · 30/12/2017 11:00

I've name changed for this. I think the friend in question is a MNetter and I don't want it linked to other stuff I've posted

Just as a bit of background, DD2 has been horse riding for several years and earlier this year we were really lucky to be able to find her her first horse.

Anyway, friend has 2 daughters, quite a bit younger than mine. Both are mad about unicorns and horses - neither have ever had any riding lessons or anything like that.

Friend's daughters have birthdays next weekend, and friend asked me if they could have a unicorn/pony party using DD's horse - apparently you can buy unicorn horns and glittery shit for horses, invite a few friends and spend a couple of hours grooming horse, putting flowers, glitter and ribbons on her, and have pony rides on her.

I've said no. Mainly for safety reasons. Horse is amazing but she's not what I would consider a plodder/riding school safe. She's not overly patient with grooming and not suitable for young children who have never ridden before. She is as good as gold with DD, but I'm not happy with letting young, complete beginners on her, even with adult supervision.

There is another riding school down the road who do exactly what she wants, so I gave her all the details.

Friend had been a total pain in the arse about it. Even accosted DD in the street and gave her a lecture about being kind and sharing.

I spoke to friend the other day, made it clear I was pissed off, that I wasn't going to change my mind and to give it a rest. She apologised and I thought that was the end of it.

I'm just having a quiet mooch on Facebook and see a post from her - apologising that she has to cancel next weekend's party, how gutted she is, that someone she thought was a friend has let her down, that she had an amazing party planned but someone is 'too up themselves' to help her make her daughters happy on their birthdays

I'm itching to reply to the post, but I'm moaning on here instead.

I'm not going to change my mind, I've said no for, IMO, very good reasons. She can still have the amazing party, she'll just have to pay for it

OP posts:
OldGuard · 31/12/2017 20:41

I’m pretty sure I’d post the link to the place that does it on Facebook for all to see and say something like “as we spoke of before here’s a link to where you can have a great party along the lines of what you want - I am just so sorry that it’s not safe for your children to ride [xxxxx]”

Gemini69 · 31/12/2017 20:45

Good for you OP... Flowers

GreyMorning · 31/12/2017 20:51

You are 100% right, you aren't insured, horses are not toys and if she wants a pony party she should go to a professional.

I'm a horse owner and over the years I've got very good at saying no, just because my horses looks well behaved in photos doesn't mean she's suitable for children nor do I want to give up my free time to lead your little darlings around because you're too tight to pay for riding lessons.

Maybe comment on her post with a link to a riding school and say that you wish your daughters horse was safe enough for 'pampering' or you'd have OFFERED but as she's likely to kick 😉 the riding school would be a better bet.

GreyMorning · 31/12/2017 20:56

And I can't imagine any horse standing happily while 6 excited little girls treat it like My Little Pony.

I had a horse like this. He'd stand for ages to be brushed, you could walk underneath him whilst you'd did it, he'd have loved it.

[he was though also a total liability to ride and I was banned from riding on the roads for safety seasons and I spent a lot of time being unable to stop 😂]

Original poster
HorseCFery · 31/12/2017 20:58

Thanks all!

I've made it to the party - she's not here

Off to guzzle vodka

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!

OP posts:
Loreleigh · 31/12/2017 20:59

Crap thing to do to a horse anyway - they are not toys waiting to be decorated! Stick to your guns and if she continues with the diatribe just tell her to fuck off as you don't need friends like that. Children need to be taught to show respect towards other animals and these 'unicorn parties' are a dumb idea. This person also needs to learn not to bully other children - and maybe kept away from any animals before they end up as sparkling ornaments. Simple answer to your question is no, you are not the bad guy here. Hope your daughter and her horse continue to have a beautiful relationship based on trust and respect :)

keffie12 · 31/12/2017 21:28

I have now read the whole thread. I don't usually when there are alot of pages! I just had too. Just when I think people can't get any stupider I read this! WTF is the woman on?

I am glad you replied. You have been alot more polite than i would have been. There really are some stupid people in this world.

I would be giving her a wide berth from now on. She is no friend. An acquaintance at best with few brain cells and thinks she has the right to other people's belonging. Even if it was safe and you were covered she has no damn right to expect you to provide anything

Willow2017 · 31/12/2017 21:31

horse have a great time.
Happy new year.

Jux · 31/12/2017 21:32

Do what OldGuard suggests but lose the bit after the dash. This is not being pa, but helpful.

toomuchofacoincidence · 31/12/2017 21:34

What a cheeky fuck!

Queenofthedrivensnow · 31/12/2017 21:42

Omg yanbu in any way. I had 3 horses between 13 and 18. Horses 1 and 3 would have had a complete shit fit and probably kicked a child if they had the unicorn party forced upon them. The Irish pony I had would have barely noticed but anyway yanbu. As a young teen I was pretty safe with my horses but I had years of experience and was quite trustworthy much like your dd sounds.

Your 'friend' is a muppet

DartmoorDoughnut · 31/12/2017 21:53

Enjoy the vodka!

GreenTulips · 31/12/2017 21:53

Do what OldGuard suggests

Can I suggest you catch up?

Thanks

Chickoletta · 31/12/2017 22:11

CF doesn't begin to describe it! We've got 3 ponied and there is no way I would even consider doing this for anyone. Can you imagine the fallout if something went wrong?

This woman is not your friend. I would definitely call her out publicly on it but that's probably not great advice so feel free to ignore.

Engorged · 31/12/2017 22:16

Good luck tonight OP, glad she isn't there. Hope some parents whose kids were to be at the party, who she would happily have put in danger to suit herself, handed her arse to her. I wouldn't be impressed if I saw her post and yours, I'd be telling her she was a cheeky fucker to you and a selfish arsehole with other peoples kids.

Jux · 31/12/2017 22:17

Thanks, OldGuard, I had caught up. Just thought that op could post that on fb anyway.

Jux · 31/12/2017 22:18

Sorry, thanks GreenTulips, of course.

danceswith · 31/12/2017 22:18

Even though I've got a pony that would rather be a field ornament, than move, I wouldn't risk a pony party with her. YANBU, it's a risky hobby, so ignore

Goodgirl7 · 31/12/2017 22:20

Haha might as well left your name unchanged because if she reads this she will know!
YANBU, she definitely is. Excuse you for not wanting to risk children getting kicked in the head. The horse is a powerful animal to be treated with care as you are doing. Anyone would think you’ve refused to lend her your karcher window washer!

ChristmasAtSquiffanys · 31/12/2017 22:47

Judging by the fact that your dd's horse likes rolling in the mud, it clearly doesn't want to be a unicorn, it wants to be a labrador

cherish123 · 31/12/2017 23:01

She sounds horrific. It sounds a bit cruel allowing kids to effectively play with horses like they are toys. YANBU

SchadenfreudePersonified · 31/12/2017 23:03

I think a lot of people watch sentimental films with animals in made by money-grubbing companies (I'm looking at you, Disney) and think that dogs, cats, lions etc are just amiable, fun-loving, caring people in fur coats.

That is why they think you can unicornify any horse whatsoever, run up to a strange dog and throw your arms around it, or frolic with a large predator at the zoo - because these creatures will just laugh forgivingly and join in the fun - they won't kick or tear you face off at all. Or if they do, it's because they are psycho and shouldn't be allowed to live.

mrscupcake · 31/12/2017 23:11

I think the point here is that she clearly knows nothing about horses/ponies and probably would be the first to complain/sue if something went wrong. You have absolutely done the right thing op x

pollymere · 01/01/2018 01:15

My dd has been to an event where a horse was dressed as a unicorn. This children were allowed near it,but nothing else. Even then they were seriously accosted. This was a specially trained event horse. You have done the right thing. I think the most important thing right now is your dd. Make her realize she hasn't done anything wrong. Also, don't retaliate, then you can innocently say oh, did you mean me? How did I let you down?

squeekums · 01/01/2018 01:39

She is a moron, what does she want a kid kicked in the face?
You said no for valid reasons op, made the responsible choice
Id honestly tell her to not contact me again if she wants to be like that, having her little passive agressive tanty on fb