Give presents back or not?

[Jibberoo]

Hi all I have a major dilemma that I need some advice on. I'm just going to give all details so please stick with it. Before Xmas we saw our inlaws for Xmas lunch and to exchange gifts. They drove down to us as they were staying with friends near by for a few days. Anyway they haven't seen DS for ages (1 day all year I think) and haven't spoken to him either. Over dinner at restaurant ds makes a joke at MI expense - it was rude but he had heard his dad and uncle calling her this name in jest and he thought it would be funny too (he's 8). I pulled him up on it and told him off, dinner continued. We all get home for coffee etc and PI state that they are leaving as MI feels insulted by DS (calling her rude name in jest and not hugging her when they came 1st). I tell ds to go apologise to MI, he goes up says sorry and tries to give her a hug to say sorry. She pushes him away and FI and MI state that they don't forgive ds as are leaving. I remind them that the reason he didn't run to them and hug them when he saw them was that they haven't really seen or spoken to him all year. Ds very upset as he honestly thought he was making a joke like other adults were and he didn't want to hurt MI.
Anyway they leave and leave the presents they brought for ds dh and me. I inform ds that he can't open any presents from them as they it's not appropriate.
Ds cries himself to sleep because he thinks he's been so bad that now gps don't love him.
I'm angry at him for being rude but then more for not accepting apology that was really meant. Come Xmas day no text or phone call to ds from gps and he's upset all over again.
Fast forward to today (we were away after that), I don't know what to do with presents left behind. Mine I'm definitely sending back. But do I stick to guns and send ds presents back to gps? More than anything I think that presents that aren't given with love mean nothing and shouldn't be opened. Ds isn't missing out on presents trust me so it's more of a principle. Thing is I don't want to punish ds but I don't want him thinking that it's ok to not speak to family as long as you give presents (ie gps don't speak to him but leave expensive presents).
So AIBU to send gps presents back with note to say that since they can't forgive ds then presents aren't necessary?

Advice much needed

In regards to the hugging thing I'm not a hugging person. My cousin however is and hugs and kisses my Grandpa on the cheek each time she sees him. I never have.
Doesn't mean I don't love him it's just I'm not a physical touchy feely person.

I would send the presents back. All of them. Your ds was in the wrong but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have accepted the apology of an 8 year old, tell him they don't forgive him and storm off. That's way worse than calling someone stinky!

They have not made an effort to see or speak to their grandson in a year.

Well that works two ways doesn't it? why haven't your been to visit them?

stitchglitched I hope your FFS wasn't aimed at me because I was addressing the 'issue' of nasty Nick names. I've already given the OP my thoughts on the wider picture.

I have a just 9 year old, she sometimes says things that she shouldn't its not meant maliciously but comes from her immaturity.

Your ds apologised and meant it, as an adult your mil should have understood your ds is a child and accepted the apology, instead she was incredibly spiteful to your child, someone like that would not be anywhere near my children

Please don't let them contact your DS directly. Yes, the chances are that they won't. But if they do they could well put poison in his ear and him not tell you to avoid upset. Far better that any contact (and in my opinion there should be none) goes through you so you can monitor it.

I really feel for your DH - I wouldn't be surprised if he grew up with irrational mardies like this and has blanked them out.

Hi all

Thanks for advice like I mentioned earlier. For anyone interested I decided to let ds open presents (which made him very happy). DH decided to open his too which was really sad as all they left him was a tiny tree present (ie no real present for him). He opened my present to see what they got me and was further disappointed that they actually got me a present but not him. So one happy ds and one sad dh. (Will be donating mine to charity). As for contact ds will send a thank you card to them and we'll leave it there. It will be up to them to get in contact if they want to see ds

Thanks again and happy new year everyone

Screw the Thank You card mum x

Stunky old petulant nana. (I was thinking he'd called her 'beloved aunt' for goodness sake!).

If that's the worst she's heard out of the mouth of a child then she's had a sheltered life indeed.

Actually I think you have done the right thing . A thank you card from Ds also is .