AIBU to refuse to use my free delivery to buy dd (17) a top that I hate?

[pauldacresmellsoffarts]

DD would pay me back, but I hate it. It's cut basically down to the navel. I'm not going to stop her buying it or wearing it, she's 17, if she wants to she can. But I have annual free delivery from the online shop she wants to order it from, and if I don't order and she wants it, she'll have to pay nearly as much as the top costs just for delivery.

So AIBU not to order it for her? I don't really want wear her going out on New Year wearing something that looks like it's a bit risque for Kim Kardashian. Sure, if she wants to wear it she can.

But I don't see why I have to faciliate it!

I think you are bu. You might not like it, but you shouldn't penalise your dd because you don't like it.

Oh go on! I bet she looks ace in it. You don’t have to approve.

I wore ‘satin’ nighties from EthelAustin when I was a teenager (so cheap!) and I’m sure my mother was appalled, but she let me get on with it.

So AIBU? Or just a reactionary old fart?

I do worry about her safety and just think the top is horrid. I wore gold micro minis and satin camisoles, but they were NICE!

Lol.

No. You don't have to do it.

But if you really, really loved her, then you would.

[not really, you don't have to do this!]

You absolutely should facilitate it, because there is nothing shameful about her body, her sexuality or her desire to express herself through clothing*. This sort of thing is a right of passage IMO and all part and parcel of finding out who you want to be in the world. We all wore a few eyebrow raisers one upon a time, right? And we're better people for it, no doubt.

*Not meaning to be preachy, but I couldn't find a more light-hearted way to put it!

Is she asking you to order it because you have one-day delivery with Amazon Prime and if you don't do it she won't get it in time?

I think it's a bit vindictive. If you're ok for her to wear it why make it more expensive for her.
I'm sure your parents hated your micro mini. Just make sure she is well contained, she can use the saving for double sided tape. And on the plus side if delivery is free and its not nice when it comes she can more easily decide to return it.

Oh gawd just let her use your delivery....... she’s going to get yet anyway!

I’d love to be a teenager again and get away with stuff like that

Bet your mum hated your gold minis and satin camis too!

Yep YABU. Seems like she's doing her job of being a teenager very well!

Of course you should do it.

(I would totally be the same as you though ...) I'm literally dreading DD getting to this age.

I know what you mean about safety (it’s your job to worry), but honestly, what would she wear that you’d feel she was safer in?

And, you might be right, it might be bloody awful top - but it’s her choice. I still think you should let her use your free postage. But feel free to tell her that you think it’s horrible

Nah order it. I'm really conservative now but at 17 I use to wear those tops with bit fabric on the front and just strings on the back - I used double sided tape to ensure no flashing

Aw every teenager dresses like a tramp compared to the generation that passes before. It’s part of growing up. Teach her to defend herself and how to deal with leches and she will walk with her head held high....and most of her body on display 😂

Allthewaves me too!

Her safety?
You're implying that women who dress a certain way put themselves in danger. Victim blaming.

If you know she's going to order it anyway and you're not going to stop her it seems like the only winner here would be the company (Asos?) who get paid twice over for deliveries to your house

trust me, gold micro mini's and satin camisoles were never nice

dont be so mean to your dd, let her be young and gorgeous, you never get 17 back again

Wolfiefan I'm not sure you understand "victim blaming"...

Can you link to the top or post pic?

Forget what the item is.

It depends on if you have plans to use your free delivery for something else this year or not. If you were planning a big delivery which would generally have a higher postage cost than what she wants to buy, then say no. If you have no plans to use the discount yourself, then let her use it.

If she’s going to get it anyway I’d just let her use your free delivery. It seems a bit petty & spiteful not too.

condepetie and Almostthere15 - my mum would absolutely have HATED my gold mini etc BUT the difference is that I wouldn't have dreamt of asking her to buy them. In fact, I'm pretty sure I sneaked out of the house wearing something entireky decent and got changed elsewhere, so she never knew!

It's not that I mind her wearing them, it's that I mind being complicit in getting her something I hate. And Wolfiefan, yes, her safety. In an ideal world she could go to a party basically undressed and no-one would bat an eyelid, but in reality, I worry, she's my baby. And no, I haven't said that to her.

So she would be hurt because she dresses a certain way. Not because of the person who's out looking for someone to hurt.
Yep. Blaming women for sexual violence. Hence victim blaming.

Hang on a minute @Wolfiefan she IS probably going to get more attention in this top than if she had a hoodie on, and probably from men. Some of it might not be very nice. Her Mum is concerned about this. No 'blame' is being apportioned.

How is that victim blaming? Isn't it just reality?