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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to use my free delivery to buy dd (17) a top that I hate?

178 replies

pauldacresmellsoffarts · 29/12/2017 21:02

DD would pay me back, but I hate it. It's cut basically down to the navel. I'm not going to stop her buying it or wearing it, she's 17, if she wants to she can. But I have annual free delivery from the online shop she wants to order it from, and if I don't order and she wants it, she'll have to pay nearly as much as the top costs just for delivery.

So AIBU not to order it for her? I don't really want wear her going out on New Year wearing something that looks like it's a bit risque for Kim Kardashian. Sure, if she wants to wear it she can.

But I don't see why I have to faciliate it!

OP posts:
Original poster
pauldacresmellsoffarts · 29/12/2017 21:42

I mean I've focused on the cleavage, but she'll be wearing only a thong with this, so if she bends over...

It all makes me cringe. When did the Kardashians become role models for our young? When did it become normal to go for a night out showing boob and arse? My dd is beautiful btw, this kind of revealing stuff just seems...unnecessary.

OP posts:
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 29/12/2017 21:43

Aw OP I feel your pain.
I am also a Mum of a DD17.
Whose clothing choices make me wince occasionally things go missing in the laundry
I'm in 2 minds-I get the whole "her body her choice" but am not sure if I think you need to facilitate her choice...
I am currently walking a tightrope of support and concern regarding DD's NYE outfit Confused

Original poster
pauldacresmellsoffarts · 29/12/2017 21:44

Wolfiefan. Why would I be worried if she's looked at more?

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 29/12/2017 21:45

Isn't it a bodysuit? With that and a thong, no one will see anything much if she bends over.

It's like a swimming cozzie.

Original poster
pauldacresmellsoffarts · 29/12/2017 21:45

mumsiedarlingrevolta

Glad I am not alone!

Like the idea of items accidentally going missing in the wash...

(Actually, lots of the tinier items do already, which is one of the natural consequences of wearing tops/skirts no bigger than a sock, lol!)

OP posts:
Petalflowers · 29/12/2017 21:46

Not something I would wear, but it’s not that bad.

Original poster
pauldacresmellsoffarts · 29/12/2017 21:47

Insomnibrat, it's a thong body, look at the picture.

Not a lot covered up in that.

OP posts:
64BooLane · 29/12/2017 21:47

I agree with Wolfie, tbh. (I know it isn’t the point of your thread.) It is 100 per cent reasonable for you to worry about her safety, but YABVU to suggest even in passing that she is in more danger if she wears certain clothes.

If something did happen to a young person wearing that top, would you seriously think that a more modest choice of top could have prevented it? If so you’d be placing responsibility on the victim.

RideOn · 29/12/2017 21:47

Will she be warm enough? I’m getting so ol
I think it’s fine but even when teenage I either had all my back showing, or most of my front or a mini-skirt but not often all 3 at once. —no idea why I am telling you and she won’t be reading this!—

MammaTJ · 29/12/2017 21:47

I wore gold micro minis and satin camisoles, but they were NICE!

Um, no they weren't! They certainly don't sound nice!

I think you should let her get on with it.

I do worry about her safety and just think the top is horrid

You are worried about her safety, so do not want to help her buy a low cut top! So, you are saying women wearing revealing clothing causes them to be raped, not well, rapists? You need to be very clear on the difference between the two things. I have a friend who went out in jeans and a sweatshirt and got raped, by a rapist, not by her clothing!

Original poster
pauldacresmellsoffarts · 29/12/2017 21:48

Grin RideOn.

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 29/12/2017 21:48

Hmmm I like the thought of the stuff going missing too why didn't l think of that

RottenTomatoes959 · 29/12/2017 21:49

I actually have that bodysuit Blush but tbf I'm 23. Honestly it's really not that indecent. I would say it would look 10 times nicer with a pair of skinny jeans than with a mini skirt. Just get it for her that's not half as bad as some of the other tops I own, count yourself lucky Grin

Amanduh · 29/12/2017 21:49

You have got annual free delivery? And you will not let your own daughter use it?
Yes
Yabvvvvvu

RavingRoo · 29/12/2017 21:49

If you don’t like it then don’t buy it. If she wants it badly enough she can subscribe herself to the site and order it.

GabsAlot · 29/12/2017 21:50

its not down to the navel at all

not much worse than what we used to wear

Amanduh · 29/12/2017 21:51

Also, yabvu looking at it. It's not even that bad with something over the bottom at all!

specialsubject · 29/12/2017 21:51

Not good - pulls the models breasts into sag mode and the dental floss back is also quite rough. Not good if flashed.

But dressing like the proverbial Australian nightmare is a teenage rite of passage and doesn't affect safety.

Thehogfather · 29/12/2017 21:51

Yabu. All you are doing is making it expensive for her, which seems a bit cruel.

Insomnibrat · 29/12/2017 21:54

Sorry OP, you were right about the back I hadn't seen that.

meltingsugar · 29/12/2017 21:54

Definitely let her get it. I'd step in if it didn't suit her eg. Boobs not staying put/not flattering but if she wants to wear it and looks good in it, who cares?

NoNoCharlieRascal · 29/12/2017 21:56

It just looks uncomfortable to me. But then again I'm tall and that would just split me in half! Ouch!

Honestly op, it could be so much worse, my mother hated most of what I wore as a teen but would always find a little something of it to complement me. As I look back on photos now I love her all the more as she was never negative even if I did look ridiculous. Obviously at the time I thought I was the dogs bollocks Grin

Draylon · 29/12/2017 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lalalalyra · 29/12/2017 21:56

I think making her pay more defeats your safety point. Surely better she has the extra cash in her pocket for a taxi than paying it to the company?

Insomnibrat · 29/12/2017 21:57

I strongly believe feeling a bit protective over your (just out of school)daughter before she goes out is not, and must not be aligned with saying 'well you deserved it' if she comes home assaulted.

These two things are very separate. The OP is NOT victim blaming.