AIBU to refuse to use my free delivery to buy dd (17) a top that I hate?

[pauldacresmellsoffarts]

DD would pay me back, but I hate it. It's cut basically down to the navel. I'm not going to stop her buying it or wearing it, she's 17, if she wants to she can. But I have annual free delivery from the online shop she wants to order it from, and if I don't order and she wants it, she'll have to pay nearly as much as the top costs just for delivery.

So AIBU not to order it for her? I don't really want wear her going out on New Year wearing something that looks like it's a bit risque for Kim Kardashian. Sure, if she wants to wear it she can.

But I don't see why I have to faciliate it!

Fuck me. That's a terrible top and I'd be quaking in my boots if my 17 year old wanted to wear it (with a mini skirt and no tights??!!)

All the parents saying let her wear it, victim blaming, etc etc- really? You really think there's nothing wrong with wearing that? I have a lot to learn (my kids are still young).

My dd does make wise choices, that includes knowing she has the right to wear what she likes without fear I'll blame her for wearing revealing clothes if she's assaulted.

And the SONS being drunk doesn't excuse them if they assault either.

Your attitude is precisely WHY certain men and boys think it's acceptable to harass and assault girls and women. Educating them starts actually BEFORE consent is an issue but where respect is - you've used the word "cheap" literally attaching a value to girls/women based on what they wear, misogyny unbound.

But, HOW do you go for a wee in it!?

Almost I'm assuming like bodies in the 90's it has poppers - undoing them fine doing them back up in tiny public loo cubicles can be tricky

Fucking hell.

Revealing clothing is not a significant risk factor in cases of rape and sexual assault. It just isn’t. All this stuff about it being reality and common sense - no, actually.

I get that we've all internalised a ton of patriarchal BS about this stuff, but presumably we’re all also capable of critical thinking?

I’m off to drink some gin.

Another reformed silk camisole wearer here! Oh the static! !

No you've ordered it surely it will have your name on the parcel? And you can open it "by mistake" and add a few modesty stitches in?

My DM brought my the jumpsuit version when I was her age. I cherish those photos of me in it. As after BFing for 2 years and having massive boobs they now look like spaniel ears.

What the fuck?? So it's the responsibility of parents of daughters to ensure they're not raped??????!!!!!! Gobsmacked!

I think you'd be hard pushed to write a much more offensive post than implying if my dd is raped it'll be my fault!

Having looked at the photo, it looks deeply unflattering as even the model (who must be super hot) looks saggy in it. You could try pointing that out to her before the big night.

That's grim.

Revealing clothing does NOT increase your risk of sexual assault.
You can slut-shame all you want but it just doesn't.

I think it looks really tacky and dreadful (and at 22 am not far off your dd's age). Not saying she will get raped (I know plenty of girls who dress like that and don't) but it will give men a certain impression. Of course, those men should be able to control themselves. But the majority choose not to. It's not being sexist - it's being realist. Yes she can wear it
(I wouldn't buy it for her) but it will also make her appear older, and while I think it's OTT to say she'll be raped (can happen to anyone), she will likely deal with a few knobheads trying it on etc.
Quite apart from that it looks like the girl has just shoved a pair of bathers on. Which you can buy from Tesco for cheaper and with absolutely no postage and packing.

It says delivery is only £1 so you might as well let her use your free delivery. But remind her how uncomfortable bodies are. Fastening poppers halfway through the night was always a challenge

Also - that type of thing looks attractive to most males, where baggy jeans and a jumper might not. A rapist doesn't care - it's all about power for him. But the man who tries to kiss you/dance with you/touch your bum [envious] (not envy) will be attracted to you, and if you don't want that attention then it sucks

Aplaceat sounds like you were wearing the blooming things in the 90's too I always thought Velcro would've made more sense, trying to blindly match up poppers in teeny public loo cubicles - sober or not was a nightmare!

I hope your dd has a great night whether she wears the top or something different. I’m absolutely astounded at some of the comments on this thread. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager. What was I wearing? A pair of jeans, trainers and baggy jumper. Fuck off with your “these type of tops give men a bad impression” victim blaming bullshit.

Wow a lot of misinformed posters on here. I study criminology. It is not about how revealing clothes are. Rape is about power, they have identified 4 types of rapists: power assurance rapists who generally have insecurities about their masculinity, power assertive rapists who rape to express their power and sexuality over women, anger retaliatory rapists who have higher levels of anger toward women and the anger excitement rapist who gains pleasure and excitement from the distress of their victim. None of them are about the clothes the victim wears.

It is also widely accepted that rapists will look for victims where their clothes are easier to remove as if the clothes are harder to remove they have a higher chance of being caught.

Of course there are exceptions to these like all things but they are more likely to be someone a victim is dating or is close to.

Harry I’m interested if there are stats to support that. By that reasoning, most assaults occur on women with easily-removed clothes, most of whom were completely sober.

She’ll spend half the night picking it out her arse and the other half adjusting for boob coverage and have a thoroughly frustrating time.
Then you get a wonderful I told you so moment

@draylon I take such issue with your last post. Because the fundamental difference you've failed to see is that a woman/young woman wearing that top isn't imposing her will on anyone else. She can think whatever. As can a man/young man. But assault is when he acts on that. That's a long way from not getting it "just right". So you can say what you like but it comes across to me that you are worried that men/young men can't possibly be expected to control themselves around care skin and that is damaging to many men who can and do (every day) and to women who shouldn't have to consider whether their outfit is somehow assault inducing. Because you know what it never ever is. And so long as we continue to hold this point even in a tiny way we are excusing those who assault and rape and blaming the victims of that. That feels a bit disgusting to me. Rapists cause rape, nothing else.

I think this is such a contentious issue when it comes to slut-shaming, victim blaming etc. There doesn’t seem to ever be a middle point of agreement. I don’t think the clothes anyone wears does increase their chances of being assaulted. However i do think that some clothes do increase unwanted attention. I’m quite busty the reaction I get in t he pub to a v neck is very different to when I’m wearing a hoody.

I think we have to educate young men and women on how to read social cues. How to approach someone your interested in, how to read that they aren’t interested back, how to make it clear your not interested etc. What to do about unwanted advances. And I think that’s what the poster was getting at in her original post.

Poppers on a thong??

Tricky!

You probably have to take the whole thing off like a swimming costume.

It might not look nice-it's not flattering on the model.