To ask what you learned from experiencing poverty?

[tucsontutu]

I am regular poster but nc for this. Reading several threads on mn, I realize how shockingly common it is to experience financial hardships at some point in life. That got me thinking, as I was lucky enough (so far) to never have experienced that. I am not and never was a millionaire, but I definitely never had to worry about essentials like food or heating. I realize how fortunate that is. I wonder if I would be different if I had experienced poverty/ financial hardship at some point in life.

So I am wondering what stays with people after they went through poverty. If you went through financial hardship and then recovered, do you think you would be different if you never experienced that time of difficulty?

Do you find that the people you know that have always been financially comfortable think differently from those who had to fight for their material comfort? Do they have a different approach to money?

Thank you for your comments!

DH & I on a walk before lunch stopped for coffee in a pub. We both acknowledged the extravagance of that.

He is now a higher rate tax payer travelling the world and I work short, lucrative contracts.

We did n't buy a piece of cake even though it looked lovely!

I know exactly what comes in and out each month and minimise what we pay for monthly - if we can pay up front we do. Renegotiate bills as regularly as possible. Can feed 4 on very little. Sometimes get the fear and spend nothing at all. Don’t buy “stuff”.

Workaholic here too. I learnt to rely on no one and that hard work made for a much better life

I'm determined to ensure our children have the best upbringing possible and ensured we were stable and in as good as place as possible before we planned them.

We have no debt bar the mortgage and save for any big purchases or holidays and don't use credit.

My childhood could have been so much better but adult choices put paid to that. My children are at the heart of all decisions, I've ensured that.

What placebobebo said.

I'm lucky enough not to have experianced poverty as an adult but I did grow up quite poor. I learnt:

Not to expect too much or to ask for anything.

Not to expect protection:
I well remember the police visiting our house and explaining to my Mum (who had just been attacked in the street) that yes they could go and arrest her attackers but they would probably make a counter allegation and then he would have to return to arrest her as well. Did she want to spend the night in the cells? No? Well looks like we're all done here.
I don't know how the police would deal with a middle class victim in the same situation. I suspect not like that.

I suppose you could say that having spent a lot of my life without a lot of things I appreciate the things I have, don't miss 'stuff' and ignore anyone who wants to think I have been lucky. I have worked hard, not wasted much and am now happily living with the rewards of my hard work and somewhat parsimonious lifestyle

Having had a similar experience to you I completely disagree and actually am unhappy when people praise me for my hard work, I am always quick to remind them I was also lucky.

Hard work is not enough. Yes I worked hard but I was lucky as well.

There is no way out of poverty without luck.

Experienced poverty in a third world country as a child. It’s sheer despair! Can’t compare it to anything else, just no hope, no light.
I learnt what it meant to be truly oppressed and how far kindness can go. There were a number of notable people, strangers who were kind to me during that time. I’m no longer in touch with them sadly but I’ll never forget their kindness. Some of the things they did included:

Invitivitations along on family trips.
Giving me lunch after school.
The teacher that used to pay my lunch money so I had a break time along with everyone else.
The lovely nurse nearby that used to treat me for free along with medication. (asthma).

Being poor is hard work.
I had a metre forced on me and it needed topping up with a key.
They were new and lots of shops offered the service.
They got fed up with it and the shops got fewer and further away.
I lived in central London but still had to walk over a mile to get my electric.
That doesn't seem a lot but when you have two babies and no transport and its raining, its horrible.
You have little choice. You see quite a lot of sneering on MN about the stuff 'chavs' buy for their homes. People are limited to buying what they can carry or what has cheap delivery.
I used to get furniture from the pavement and people's front gardens.

Being poor doesn't make you noble and strong. It saps you. Its not romantic. Its bloody horrible and scary.

Being skint as a student is not anything like being a parent on a low income.

I experienced a period of time in my teens when i had no money, the lowest point was having no food and scratting round at the end of a market and finding a cabbage, that i lived on for a few days. Now, i have cupboards always fully stocked with dried/tinned food, never waste food, have a secret stash of cash, (and jewellery i could sell if necessary), and budget to the nearest penny and know exactly how much is in my account. Rarely spend on what i consider luxuries, that other people seem to consider essentials, e.g. my PAYG (not smart) phone cost £6 and i generally only receive incoming calls , no subscription tv, few takeaways etc. I am quite judgy when other people complain of having no money when they (in my opinion) waste it on non essentials. I am thankful i didn't have children back then. My dh has never been poor and has no idea that people really can be hungry/cold through circumstances beyond their control. He thinks there's always a way to manage, (the old 50p down the back of the sofa mindset).

That your position in life is NOT down to the choices you make. Working harder will not often make a difference and 99% of where you are in life is luck pure and simple.

I think the person who said ‘money won’t buy happiness’ had never experienced poverty.

Very strange, not much interaction from the Open her own thread.

Ah now doctor something my Mother drummed into me.

It's better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable but much better to be rich and miserable than poor and miserable.

Fortunately I ended up rich and happy though.

Yeah there's a study that says happiness doesn't come from money above a certain level

That level was £150,000

I think we can all agree that sort of money would alleviate a lot of the distress described on this board. Even with chronic or terminal illness money buys extra treatment, better food, and the ability to not worry about paying for car parking at the hospital.

Money fixes most things. Whenever I hear someone talk about how they work for love and aren't money driven I think 'yeah, but you only are above a certain level. If you were hungry and cold you'd soon find you were money driven'

I grew up poor and spent a lot of my adult life unable to make ends meet. Now we are comfortable and I still won’t spend on a debit card - it takes a few days for money to be taken from the account and I can’t see how much we have. I budget to the penny and won’t entertain debts. We have what we need and nothing more.

This year I bought DD two Christmas jumpers because she likes them both. She was delighted. I have passed on the joy in the little things.

Now it is hard to see who is in poverty because debt and credit enables people to live an outward lifestyle far beyond their means.

Persian I have been reading every single post, it is just that I don't have much to contribute as I don't have any experience of real poverty. I feel really humbled by some of the comments I read on this thread today.

"Now it is hard to see who is in poverty because debt and credit enables people to live an outward lifestyle far beyond their means."

Yes I agree on that, I know quite a few people who seem to live very comfortable lifestyles thanks to credit cards and debt. I'd find it hard to sleep at night if I was in that situation.

I have never had a credit card of any kind. I can’t bear to have things before I have paid for them. I would rather save up for something I want. It can be quite difficult sometimes, but I do have a debit card, which does most things.

I grew up in poverty but because my stepfather was an alcoholic.

Always fret about food levels, the fear of being hungry is terrible. All the sisters have disordered eating patterns.

I worked from age 13 bought my own clothes and extra food, I remember my school friend stealing me a pair of shoes as a child I'm so ashamed now but they did it so I could have some that weren't falling apart.

It made me driven as a child I educated my way out if it. I'm the only child of six to go to University.

I'm very comfortably off now. One other sister lives an almost ok life financially all the rest still live in poverty, I help when I can. They all work/worked but in nmw jobs and worked as hard as me. What bought me my luck was that I'm academic and have the gift of the gab.

I have no tolerance when people say they are hard up when they are not but have chosen to dispose of income on non essentials.

The fear never leaves you though.

I had a relatively comfortable upbringing until my parents divorced when I was in my teens and even then we weren't living in real poverty. As an adult I experienced real poverty (bailiffs at the door, no money for food, one pair of shoes which had holes in). I learnt that it costs a lot more to be poor, you can't afford to buy in bulk to get the best deals, buy cheaper things which break and need replacing, prepayment meters which are a lot more expensive. I have credit cards now but I have become obsessed with my credit rating, I think it's because I need to know that if we hit bad times again I could get a loan to tide us over. I've also become a complete workaholic and will never turn down overtime even though we earn a decent amount between us and don't really need the extra. I have cupboards overflowing with tins and non perishables too and have learnt some great recipes for them.

I grew up poor, fifth child of two disabled parents. We were always fed and clothed, but I know my parents went without. We had incapacity benefit and income support and that was it. My mum was always terrified about what Thatcher would do next.

I went to university, I was pleased to be the first year with student loans as it meant I could afford to go, the grant wouldn't have been enough. I worked 30 hours alongside uni to make it possible.

I'm a teacher now, a HOD, and make decent money for my area. I spend nothing, I have thousands saved but I'm constantly terrified of being poor again. I won't have a credit card, or credit agreements. My tiny mortgage makes me cringe. I still live in a tiny terrace that I've outgrown because I don't want a bigger mortgage.

The only thing I do spend on is stuff for the kids I teach. I keep cereal bars, pasta pots, sanitary towels and stationary in my cupboard and I've even been known to spend lunchtime sewing uniform. This government is even worse than Thatcher and if they don't care, someone has to.

I think a lot of it depends on your understanding. Being poor is not the same as living in poverty. Being poor is not always having enough for the basics. Loving in poverty is never having enough for the basics.

There is nothing good to 'learn' from being poor, op. No noble life lessons. Maybe never to vote Tory.

I agree, Doctor. Living in poverty is more of a long term situation whereas being is usually temporary.

"Do we truly have poverty in the UK?" What an offensive ignorant comment ESPECIALLY on this thread.

" I have spent two years on a funded research project on women living in poverty" wow and yet have apparently gained no insight or real compassion. Do those funding the research know your views? Actually who is funding the research?

Homeless numbers rising sharply, cuts to organisations and charities they can't help everyone, working families NEEDING to use food banks, elderly and disabled ending up hospitalised due to malnutrition and hypothermia because they can't afford to heat OR eat, conditions like rickets resurfacing and rising due to children being malnourished not through parental neglect but poverty.

As a child we shouldn't have struggled but did due to dads alcoholism. But we did eat and were clothed but given what he and mum were earning things really shouldn't have been as they were (value range grocery, cheap and only essential clothes, rare haircuts, no school trips, no hobbies that would have cost anything, cold home, basic furniture and decor, one holiday every other year in uk very basic) dad was army so friends who's dads were on same salary had WAY more so we could see what SHOULD have been possible, our living standard was below that of lowest ranks.

After leaving home, first job was fine but made redundant (recession business went under) next job paid minimally (this was before nmw came in too) £2.10 ph I think I was on, rent (bedsit) was £40, transport to work was £15 that left just over £20 a week for anything else. I remember measuring dried pasta to make it last and eating it mostly plain.

Was better off when married but was VERY cautious with money, a major stress was ex was crap with money. He'd grown up very well off but didn't accept that (private school, parents had nice car each, owned their home, 2-3 foreign holidays a year) so he'd just spend what was in bank and if a bill wasn't paid shrug his shoulders go into overdraft and think "it'll get paid off next Month" (it didn't).

I budget and know to the penny what's in my account and what bills are due out.

Then have been struggling ever since split with ex whether I've been working or not.

Have gone without meals so dd could eat, walked 3/4 miles to uni or work if didn't have money for bus. Regularly checked sofa etc for pennies for bus fare/food.

This is first day I've had heating on this winter when dd not home - it's -4 and I was getting sore (disability) but will turn off soon.

I don't place value on "stuff", feel guilty spending money on myself, when I'm asked what I want for birthday/Xmas I genuinely haven't thought about it and don't know what to say. But I appreciate what people get me so much. Family know to get me vouchers for shops where I can't buy stuff for others especially dd so as to stop me but I tend to juggle anyway.

I cut my own hair, rarely buy clothes or personal items, and even then it's cheap stuff, and I look after what I have so it lasts, don't wear make up daily and have just a few cheap items some were gifts or perfume, basic toiletries.

I also feel guilty for not helping those worse off even though logically I know I'm not in a position to and need to take care of dd and I.

Although I knit as a hobby (needles were gifts last Xmas, wool I get oddments from £ and charity shops) so I knit scarves and blankets and donate these to homeless charities. I also do what I can in terms of signing petitions, talking to my MP and my SMP and campaigning for support for those worse off.

I'm almost 46 years old, well educated but disabled. In my life I've had 4 years where I was doing "ok".

I get upset and angry at myself that dd has also had to experience a level of poverty I NEVER wanted that for her but couldn't avoid becoming ill and also despite my best efforts ex never paid maintenance regularly/in full - he is still very well off - 4-bed detached house, he and 2nd wife both have new cars each year, 5 more kids, loads of pets, foreign holidays inc 2 weeks in Florida every year yet dd has to be grateful for every crumb from him. Breaks my heart.

I've learned

"People who haven't been there don't get it. At all." This X 1000 - even those who "research" it

"I also get irrationally angry and people bemoaning how skint they are when they are nowhere near skint." Ugh yes, I've a couple relatives will say they're "skint" when they mean they have less than £1000 in their current account.

To budget

To always have tins/dried food in, not to waste food, use up any leftovers (though I'm pretty good at judging amounts), make soups/stews with veg past its best, the difference between best before and use by and even with use by it depends on what it is and if I can get away with it.

To make things last (I can repair clothes and most other items or will at least have a go, or know things CAN be repaired - I'm shocked at people who throw a perfectly good coat out just because it needs a button sewn on or a new zip, and I mean actually bin not send to charity shop most can and will do minor repairs, or worse throw out shoes that simply need one heeled or even worse throw out something electrical thinking it's broken when it just needs new batteries or a fuse!).

To NEVER vote Tory