To ask what you learned from experiencing poverty?

[tucsontutu]

I am regular poster but nc for this. Reading several threads on mn, I realize how shockingly common it is to experience financial hardships at some point in life. That got me thinking, as I was lucky enough (so far) to never have experienced that. I am not and never was a millionaire, but I definitely never had to worry about essentials like food or heating. I realize how fortunate that is. I wonder if I would be different if I had experienced poverty/ financial hardship at some point in life.

So I am wondering what stays with people after they went through poverty. If you went through financial hardship and then recovered, do you think you would be different if you never experienced that time of difficulty?

Do you find that the people you know that have always been financially comfortable think differently from those who had to fight for their material comfort? Do they have a different approach to money?

Thank you for your comments!

What happened to Sunday....who did you vote for in the last election?

This thread has really made me think. I grew up poor with amazing parents who didn’t get the opportunities in life that they should have done. They have driven all of us through education and, as a result, all three of their children are well off and successful.

But I definitely have behaviours that show my roots. I keep my savings where I can get to them quickly in case I lose my job overnight (in reality I am on six months notice and when I left a job without one it took me 6 weeks to find a better one), I always have too much tinned/frozen food in the house in case I can’t afford to go to the supermarket (in reality I stop at M&S at the station if we haven’t got something in the fridge), I check my bank statements religiously and maintain an overdraft limit just in case (which I have never used). I know exactly how much we need to run the household and what I would need to earn to maintain that should the shit ever hit the fan. I have insurance for everything. Basically I work on th basis that my good fortune (as a result of hard work) could be taken from me at any moment. I don’t think people who have never known hardship feel that way.

And like many other posters, I have never and will never vote Tory.

Everything is so expensive when you're poor. You don't have a car or you can't afford petrol to go to the supermarket so you spend a lot buying from convenience stores; you don't have a decent kitchen so you can't prepare good meals; you can only spend a little at a time so can't "stock up" when items are on special; you never qualify for discounted bills because you can't make early bird payments; you have to borrow to buy a car or any expensive item so inevitably pay put lots in interest and/or finance fees; you can't go out because it costs (transport, entry fees etc) so you can't make plans = limited social life and feelings of powerlessness,

On top of this you are subjected to judgement by the privileged and clueless who use denial to shield themselves from the possibility that they too could experience poverty; you are expected to be grateful for scraps; people think you should exist on past and tinned tomatoes although they would never do so themselves; you realise how much crap is considered to be "necessary", how wasteful so many people are, and you also discover how beautiful others are.

Rip away the shield of money and you see the real person.

I should also say that my DBs and I are all post graduate educated through the state system. Comprehensive schools, grant funded degrees, solid career advice at uni, etc. Now we are all high rate tax payers and significant contributors to the national economy, ie a good return in investment.

I don’t want to derail the thread, but I am willing to bet that many of the intergenerational changes people are talking about above have been education led. It’s a different rant, but that opportunity is being taken away so will this thread be on Mumsnet 2050?

Do we truly have poverty in the UK? After my outgoings are paid, I have £48 left each week. My outgoings are everything I spend on home/food/bills/car - the essentials I need to be able to undertake my daily living.

Not only is that not abject poverty, it is NOT POVERTY.

Poverty is being on the contraceptive jab when you don't need contraception but you can't afford san pro.

Going to bed at 6pm because it's the only way to be warm.

Fresh fruit/veg is a treat, you normally have tinned because a) it doesn't go off and b) it can be eaten cold.

Doing your washing in the bath because you can't afford the launderette.

I have never been poor. The closest was when my dad was threatened with redundancies at his firm, and my mum talked to us about the ways we could save money.

I have lived alone on a pretty low wage though (just over minimum) and what stuck with me is just how little it is possible to live on. It's something that makes me feel a little sick to be honest when I hear people describe household incomes in the 100k region as 'not that much' - usually because they've factored in the obvious necessities of two cars, private healthcare, naice ham etc.

It just makes me want to shake the people who say it. It's ridiculously ignorant to the level where it's offensive.

Growing up, until the age of 3, I had to wear coats to bed as there was frost on the inside of the windows. The council rehomed us to a new build house (in the early 90's) and we didn't have 'proper" carpets for a few years. Just donated rugs and those sticky office carpet tiles that my Dad's mate got for us (probably off the back of a lorry).
My Grandad on my mother's side would turn up to our house with bags of food shopping saying he bought too much and would never be able to eat it all. It was all stuff we ate.
Gas and electric prepay constantly in the "emergency". Council Tax baliff a few times. TV licence people knocking.

Then in the late 90's my great Aunt passed away and left my parents a few grand. My Dad got an electrician qualification and after that we never struggled (that I noticed) again while me and my sister's lived there.
Now is a different issue with my Dad's total lack of money management and the fact he blew all of the profit from selling their right to buy home and are now in a tiny HA flat with my brother and neither my brother nor my Dad work. Just my Mum....

DP's background very similar. He even remembers his dad going out in the early hours to take the milk from people's doorsteps before they woke.

As a result me and DP know exactly how much money we have at all times (although it's not much) and budget accordingly and label bills in order of importance e.g 1-rent, 2-CT etc. I also keep the larder cupboard stocked with tins and dried goods.

We have around £400 disposable every month and are very careful where we spend it.

its interesting what people consider poor.

Having been destitute, I guess I learnt that if you have a roof over your head you are not poor. If you are cold and hungry sometimes you are not poor.If you sleep in a coat, you are not poor, if that coat is in a bed! If you have to hand wash in bath, you are not poor, because you have clothes, and a bath! In fact, I think I prefer being cold and hungry sometimes to having excesses.

I have learnt that people need somewhere to live, and that somewhere has to be safe and dry, and above freezing. Other than that, we are all kings!

Greenshoots - I understand what you mean. I have a friend from Africa and she says that we do not have real poverty in this country.

I have been poor, and get very anxious about money. Sadly I sometimes complain about a lack of money when I am not poor, but it is because I get so anxious about it.

does anyone realise how quickly things can change for the better though? I just found the "i started" feature on here, 11 months ago I was worrying about debts that i had no flipping idea how i would pay. i was on the brink of losing my car.... wow. things have changed so much

I’m fortunate enough to have never been poor. Skint student, yes. Rubbish paying jobs and cringing at having to ask my mum for £20 to see me through to next payday, yes. But I always had that safety net of knowing I had a home at my parents.

Re the charity shop subject brought up earlier. I know that by shopping there I am helping others. But I cannot bring myself to do it because I can afford to buy new. And if I buy from a charity shop, I’m taking those things away from someone who cannot afford to buy new and needs those things. It does my head in when DHs family pass comment on how I won’t make use of charity shops, as if I think I’m above using them or something. It’s not that at all. I’d hate to think I was buying something I could afford to buy new that someone else might really need.

Sorry, I’ll shut up now!

I do buy from charity shops sometimes and in all honesty some are not cheap now but I also donate everything to charity. We gave about 200 books to charity one time, all DS baby stuff, you get the picture. Even if stuff is falling to bits it's washed and put in a rag bag that is clearly marked as that.

Never been well off but my mum and dad grew up in poverty and it’s made them really good parents. We never went hungry had clothes. There was always food in the house. Poverty made them able to budget and find deals. However now they are getting older they have turned into hoarders as they are worried about not having enough money at some point in the future or not being able to get out. Poverty does teach people lessons but it does leave its mark on suffers

At 21 I was a single parent with no money. I can remember some miserable times. Being hungry, cold. Having only an open toed pair of shoes to wear in the snow. Pinching milk from people's doorsteps. I'm not proud of that.
Now I'm married and go without nothing but it's affected me in the way that I must stock up the cupboards and the freezer... I wear clothes until they are falling apart, the same with shoes. And I love and adore luxury cleansers and face cream but get into a hot sweat and have palpitations when I buy any.. It makes me feel guilty