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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

586 replies

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:24

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

OP posts:
Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 13:49

Glittermakeseverything that is awful. What a miserable Christmas Day.

I think I need to take the advice of some posters and be specific next year and offer insist to bring the vegetarian dishes, instead of asking if I could bring anything.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/12/2017 13:50

Previous Christmas we had a veggan (eats eggs) staying. Did separate non goose fat roast pots and a special (ready made) dish for him. Someone else bought a vegan Chr. pud for him. I would have thought it very off and unwelcoming not to make an effort for an invited guest. In fact he was very easy and would apparently have been perfectly happy to make himself egg on toast.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/12/2017 13:50

I actually ask anyone who's coming for dinner "is there anything you don't like" Why would I want to serve someone food they won't enjoy

Yes me too. The whole point is you want your guests to have a good time so if you know there is something they really dislike (for any reason) why would you cook it?

Worriedrose · 29/12/2017 13:51

Put it this way. If you were a meat eater and went to a veg house and just got a Slab of overcooked meat.
No gravy. No veg. Nothing else
Would you enjoy it. I doubt it

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 13:51

GETTING

I thought “veggan” was a hoax? Please tell me you didn’t have a guest who actually calls himself that?

hesterton · 29/12/2017 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/12/2017 13:53

offer insist to bring the vegetarian dishes

You can try but you will end up taking everything but the side veg by the sound of it. If you took vegetarian main would she at least provide some veggie gravy or choose a pudding not made with beef suet?

If its PA anti vegetarianism honestly you are better not going there for food as there will be a problem created every time.

midnightmisssuki · 29/12/2017 13:54

not great on your MIL's part to not cater for you - its not hard, we have a vegetarian friend who came over for christmas and we had a 3 course meal for her.

You say you have a good relationship with MIL - so im puzzled as to why you didnt just mention it to her there (or maybe after dinner event etc) - she's now getting a battering here on AIBU which is painting her in a bad light - which i dont think is what you want (from the way you have spoken about her). Just tell her how you feel and mention that you wont be going next year if all you have to eat is roasted veg!

Middleoftheroad · 29/12/2017 13:56

Since when is providing a meal to equal to the meat eaters' offering called pandering? As others said, if a plate of veg is good enough for OP and the other veggies why not serve to all?

I've been veggie for 30 years and it's hardly an outlandish concept to warrant the insult of 'pandering'

OP yes, just take a dish in future but if it's too awkward for you, make sure your DH talks to MIL in advance as you don't want said dish - if it's smaller- divided between everybody so that you are left with nothing.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 13:56

im puzzled as to why you didnt just mention it to her there

What, when all the food was on the table and nothing could be done about the fact that the vegetarians had half a dinner? Much worse than venting on here, I would have thought.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/12/2017 13:58

"Since when is providing a meal to equal to the meat eaters' offering called pandering?"

Because the traditional Christmas dinner includes meat. As a vegetarian, I'd consider it my responsibility to make sure I had enough for Christmas dinner rather than the host's since I'm the one deviating from the norm.

PositivelyPERF · 29/12/2017 14:00

veggan ahhhhhhhhhh! THERES NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS A VEGGAN! He's just a twat that is a vegetarian, but wants to feel special. I swear the first time some wanker tells me they're a fucking VEGGAN I'll lose it!

Willow2017 · 29/12/2017 14:01

"She catered for you"
Are you freaking serious?
Here have a plate of boiled veg for your xmas dinner while we stuff our faces with all the trimmings which unfortunately all have meat in them. Suck it up and be grateful i dont believe in vegetarianism and am making sure you know it

Cant believe the attitude towatds vegetarians on here. Its not new ffs. Its not difficult to comprehend. No meat products end of. What the hell is so 'entitled' or 'complicated' about that?

notsure you sound vile i cant imagine anyone wanting to come for dinner with you at all.

dkb15164 · 29/12/2017 14:01

How awful! My mother makes dinner for 14 every year and always make something for the one vegetarian (my cousin in law) and the one picky eater (me) as long as we give her an idea in advance of what we'd like - I usually just have one of the mini steak pies you get as it's for one person and only takes a little room up in the oven and the cousin in law will sometimes even bring her own thing if mum can't find what she asked for as she knows where to get vegetarian food that just needs half an hour in the oven - we take up a shelf together no problem and then pick from the rest what we like. Stuffing is vegetarian as well. Tell your mother in law you think it might be easier to have dinner at yours next year since you can cater for vegetarians properly where as you noticed it was a struggle for her to do so this year.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 14:02

gwen

Read the OP - she offered to bring a vegetarian dish. So she did try to ensure she was catered for. The MIL told her there was no need.

midnightmisssuki · 29/12/2017 14:02

SuburbanRhonda - which is why i also said maybe mention it after the dinner event. I just assumed that since they have a good relationship OP would not have had an issue mentioning it there and then.

expatinscotland · 29/12/2017 14:07

It was rude. Next year: a) don't go b) bring your own. Don't even mention it, just show up with your own food. But if you eat meat on occasion, you're not a vegetarian.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 14:07

I still disagree, midnight.

IrianOfW · 29/12/2017 14:08

I am wondering if MIL simply forgot in the end. To turn down the offering because there was no need for it and then not provide an alternative seems a bit extreme for an otherwise OK sort of person to do.

midnightmisssuki · 29/12/2017 14:09

SuburbanRhonda we will have to agree to disagree then. I just dont think the OP would have wanted her MIL, who she says is lovely in all other ways, to be painted in such a bad light on here. I agree the MIL should have made way more effort for her though.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 14:09

Sorry, posted too soon. I think it’s pointless saying anything at the time. After the event would be fine.

RaspberryOverload · 29/12/2017 14:10

What is so hard about creating a vegetarian meal? I wouldn't be a good host if I expected the vegetarians to just eat the boiled veg and potatoes when everyone else had meat, stuffing, gravy, etc. That's just damned rude, especially as the OP had offered to bring something.

We're not vegetarian, but the DCs and I are eating far less red meat than even a year ago, and we do have vegetarian meals regularly. I could rustle up a leek and goat's cheese tart as a main very quickly and something more elaborate with a bit of advance notice.

And this person had been boasting about prepping everything from scratch well in advance, so there's no excuse for not providing any vegetarian option when you've invited 3 to your meal.

This was deliberate, PA shit, and OP, your DH should have had your back here. I can't believe he happily ate the full meal while leaving you to have a rubbish meal without saying something.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 14:10

Unless the MIL is a mumsnetter, I can’t see how the OP posting on here would have any impact on her at all.

yorkshires · 29/12/2017 14:11

She might not have realised that potatoes and gravy cooked in meat is the same as pieces of meat, my MIL doesn't get this after 10 years, she still offers me chicken soup etc

Perhaps she genuinely didn't realise you would have hardly anything to eat?

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 29/12/2017 14:12

Was it naivety? When I first went veggie, it never occurred to my MIL that stuff like gravy, stuffing, spuds in beef fat would be unsuitable: veggies don’t eat meat and they are not meat, so what’s the issue?

I’m no longer veggie but don’t eat meat. I used to take my own main but got sick of meat eaters snarfing it down as a side dish. Now we eat at home and I have everything except the turkey and the pigs in blankets.

Next year, wrap her up some Bisto and a packet of Aunt Bessie’s, and take your own Paxo.

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