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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

586 replies

Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 11:24

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

OP posts:
zzzzz · 29/12/2017 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RadioGaGoo · 29/12/2017 13:31

I think some people don't truly understand the meaning of a host or hosting.

zzzzz · 29/12/2017 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 13:34

@zzzzz

perhaps she really thought that was a nice plate of food.

So why didn’t she serve it to everyone? Why just the vegetarians?

MsHarry · 29/12/2017 13:35

If someone invites you to eat with them, knowing you can't eat something, declines your offer to bring suitable alternatives to help lessen the burden , then gives you the bare minimum while they tuck in, then they are basically extremely rude and ignorant.

TrickyD · 29/12/2017 13:35

I am a vegetarian, but along with DH I cook Christmas dinner. I am more than happy with all the veg, bread sauce, stuffing etc. I don't bother with or need nut roast and certainly don't expect it if friends or family are doing the Christmas hosting.

Good excuse for moaning about a MIL though.

MsHarry · 29/12/2017 13:36

Yes but Tricky the stuffing and gravy contained meat. Boiled veg and spuds is not very special for Christmas day. no mention of bread sauce.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 13:38

NotsurethisiswhatIwant Did a vegetarian hurt you? Why the anger towards people who do not eat meat? If a person asked for vegetarian food because of their religion would you still be angry with them?

OP posts:
Worriedrose · 29/12/2017 13:39

TrickyD

She didn't get any fucking bread sauce/stuffing/gravy

Jesus Christ

C8H10N4O2 · 29/12/2017 13:40

Priscilla

As there was three veggies, you really could have put your heads together and taken a veggie main, gravy and desert between you. But no, it’s easier to moan and blame the host for your lifestyle choice

Read the OP. She did offer to take stuff and her offer was rejected. It would have been rude to take the main meal after that even if the OP had known what a shit host she was visiting.

Hubby and I rarely eat meat, but we do occasionally and hence don’t call ourselves vegetarian, but I’d certainly not think it was for my host to pander to my requirements

As you say, you are not vegetarian so you don't have requirements in that direction.

For all those of you who consider it 'pandering' to consider what your guests can and can't eat - just don't invite people. The act of inviting should include considering what your guests would like to eat. If that is too much trouble then don't bother.

Original poster
Trueheart1 · 29/12/2017 13:40

I know people have different views on this but I was very disappointed at having no Yorkshires. Yorkshires filled with gravy are my favourite part of Christmas dinner.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 29/12/2017 13:41

they don't understand what being a guest is.
Well, I think it works both ways, don't you? The host makes an effort to make the guest feel welcome, offering them food that they hope they will like. The guest is polite and offers to help where applicable. The OP kept her side of the bargain ie she offered to bring a vegetarian option. The host clearly didn't, otherwise they would have made the effort (which is very easy nowadays) to cater for her vegetarian guests.

Ontheboardwalk · 29/12/2017 13:41

I remember cooking Christmas dinner for my very first vegetarian and standing looking baffled at the gravy granules as I couldn’t see any vegetarian ones.

After 5 mins of staring I suddenly realised most of them were suitable for vegetarians.

Bisto needs to get this message out there. Save all the vegetarians visiting PILS suffering dry vegetables at dinner time.

Aworldofmyown · 29/12/2017 13:41

There isn't really a debate tbh.

You like her and enjoyed Christmas aside from the food, if you want to go next year TELL her you are bringing some vegetarian dishes. The end.

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 29/12/2017 13:42

I’m not a vegetarian but do think this was rude.

If I had a vegetarian turn up unexpectedly I could cobble something together - given it was Christmas Day she should have made something- Brie & cranberry sauce in pastry takes 2 mins to throw together and would have gone well with the other sides. It’s not like you were expecting her to make a complicated vegetarian main.

Gileswithachainsaw · 29/12/2017 13:43

radioI feel the same but more they don’t understand what being a guest is

Why is it the guest who has to be gracious and accept a plate of veg though when the host had other options that would enable everyone to have been able to enjoy a meal.

Of someome posted a "aibu to not cater for a vegetarian they offered to bring something but I'm just going to give them dry veg and if they complain they are the ones in the wrong" they rightly have their arse handed to them on a plate.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/12/2017 13:43

For all those of you talking about "that generation" - what age group are you talking about?

My DM is in her 80s, eats meat but is entirely capable of opening a cookery book and engaging her brain.

The generation currently in their 70s/60s are the hippy generation under whom organics and vegetarianism exploded.

I'm 50s. I'm struggling to think of anyone my age who would bat an eyelid at catering for different diets beyond double checking some ingredients.

Its just sloppy ageism to assume that some non specific "older" group do this. Its manners as a host to consider your guests. There are rude sods in every age group IME.

Seniorcitizen1 · 29/12/2017 13:43

She did cater for you - she provided lots of vegetables for you and the other veggies. Don’t see your problem.

Worriedrose · 29/12/2017 13:43

I genuinely cannot believe the attitude in this day and age to vegetarians
I don't give a shit what someone does or doesn't like.
I figure they're adults and can eat what they want. And I am grown up enough to cater for it, if I find it annoying or not,

I actually ask anyone who's coming for dinner "is there anything you don't like"

Why would I want to serve someone food they won't enjoy.
There has to be about 10 million recipes out there. It can't be hard, wether it's Someone saying they don't like celery or they don't eat meat or they don't like carrots.

yorkshires · 29/12/2017 13:44

My lovely SIL brought a nut roast and chestnut tart for me, to my house! She's not veggie and I am. I cooked them all a turkey.

I am used to taking my own food to my family though. I don't mind but sometimes would feel more welcome if they got me some veggie sausages or something rather than " we're having slow roast lamb, bring something for yourself"

labazs · 29/12/2017 13:45

I get this problem all the time I have to admit that I think that people don't quite understand what we want to eat how many of us end with omelette or lasagne bleuuk

SuburbanRhonda · 29/12/2017 13:47

She did cater for you - she provided lots of vegetables for you and the other veggies. Don’t see your problem.

Are you a meat eater, @Seniorcitizen1? Would you have felt “catered for” with a plate consisting of three different boiled vegetables, potatoes and no gravy?

MikeUniformMike · 29/12/2017 13:47

This: "She put a lot of effort into Christmas but I think she views vegetarians as being ridiculous."

She might be nice but she thinks your views are ridiculous.
If you want to remain on good terms, take your own food next year.
When she comes round to yours, feed everyone vegetarian and give her just the veg.

noeffingidea · 29/12/2017 13:48

Agree about the age thing, I'm 57, been a vegetarian/pescetarian for 22 years now, and managed to cook both a vegetarian and a meat meal simaltaneously nearly every day of those 22 years.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/12/2017 13:48

She did cater for you - she provided lots of vegetables for you and the other veggies. Don’t see your problem

Oh don't be ridiculous. Would you find a plate of dry, unadorned veg and a satsuma for pud a decent Christmas lunch? If it isn't good enough for the meat eaters it isn't good enough for anyone else.