You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas if you have no intention of catering for them?

[Trueheart1]

You should not invite a vegetarian for Christmas dinner if you have no intention of catering for them?

I am a vegetarian. I went to my MIL's for Christmas dinner and all I could eat was Brussels sprouts, peas, carrots and potatoes. Without gravy!

The stuffing, gravy etc.. all had animal products.

There were 14 of us in total and 3 of us were very disappointed vegetarians.

I usually host and make sure everyone is catered for. I felt quite irritated, as I had offered to bring any part of the meal and if she had told me she was not catering for the vegetarians, I would have done it.

My MIL is very traditional and supports fox hunting. I suspect that she does not agree with being vegetarian and this was her passive aggressive way of showing that.

In every other way she is lovely and a great MIL. She wants us to come again next year. How do I politely make sure this does not happen again?

Your mil was rude. When someone invites you, then it's a given that they provide for you with alternative, not just leave bits out of the meal.

Voice do Sarah Brown’s cashew nut layered roast, it always goes down a storm (minus egg for vegans)

FFS! Stop with the different generation nonsense. Shock horror, young people didn't invent vegetarianism. The vegan society was created in 1944! I became vegetarian 35yrs ago and have been vegan for over 25yrs. All the supermarkets have dedicated shelves, fridges and freezers, coming down with the stuff.

It is possible that she simply forgot to pick up vegetarian meals and had so much to do, she didn't leave herself enough time to create something. I've done that a couple of times when shopping for my DH and the children and I'm vegan! 😳

"Having said that, I am happy to cook vegetarian stuff for people who do not send me a list of conditions I need to follow before hand." What list of conditions? Just no meat or meat products? Is that really difficult? A lot easier than cooking for coeliac for example I would have thought

Nasty cow. Yanbu
Please dont go again. I could never break bread with a pro fox hunter.

What conditions would they be? Not containing meat products by any chance?

The problem is that when you are not vegetarian, you don’t even know that it is so simple. For most non vegetarian people imagine a main without meat or that vegetarian gravy granules exist doesn’t come easily

That's nonsense.

People eat vege all the time. Macaroni cheese or spinach and ricotta cannaloni, jacket potatoes with cheese and beans, omelettes, mushrooms on toast, soups, and a ton of other stuff they pick up in supermarkets from time to time as it's reduced or looked nice, or recommended by Janet down the road etc

Why is it suddenly so hard when you have guests?

My DH did not say anything, he is polite to a fault. - that's not being polite that's being ridiculous. I think you're both enabling her now.

have to say that as a person with a very restricted diet, I despise vegetarians who expect me to cook a full dinner especially for them - OP expected nothing of the sort, she offered to bring food. If you can't understand the thread then leave it.

Send her a message thanking her for all her hard work over Christmas. Say that next year you thought you could bring along a nut roast and some veggie gravy to go alongside all the beautiful vegetables she makes. Compliment her on the dessert or whatever it was that you could eat and ask for the recipe.

Having said that, I am happy to cook vegetarian stuff for people who do not send me a list of conditions I need to follow before hand. I always struggle with the main though..

Then I'm doubly sure I don't want to come to yours for dinner because you're a very unimaginative cook!

Christmas IS about gravy, surely?

Christmas is about the people, Exactly, and MIL has not thought about them at all.

"Well, due to severe food allergies, we have a very restricted diet so instead of making it so bloody difficult for hosts that invite us for dinner, we always offer to bring something we can eat and complement with whatever they have in offer that we can eat.
I have to say that as a person with a very restricted diet, I despise vegetarians who expect me to cook a full dinner especially for them if I am catering for a mixed group; I especially resent those who do it in moral grounds. Shitty entitled attitude IMO. If you are so concerned about your choice of diet or beliefs be more proactive about it and bring something to share with you."

Wow, just wow @ NotSureThisIsWhatIWant . The hypocrisy in your post is astounding!

“The problem is that when you are not vegetarian, you don’t even know that it is so simple. For most non vegetarian people imagine a main without meat or that vegetarian gravy granules exist doesn’t come easily.”

Utter bollocks! I am not vegetarian. I also have family that is dairy intolerant and a couple of gluten intolerant friends. DD and one of my nieces are vegetarian. Also, my niece is allergic to nuts. I find it so very easy to cater for them all – admittedly not all at the same time. The internet is a wonderful thing.

“I always struggle with the main though..”

Google is your friend

Why on earth would you invite 3 vegetarians and expect them to be happy with their xmas dinner just a plate of some boiled veg and no pudding? Thats beyind crap hosting.

It wasnt just op there were 3 vegetarians ffs
It would have been easy to ask what they liked and buy vege stuff in supermarket.

And your dh needs to grow up and stick up for his wife! Bet he ate all his dinner with all the full works his mum boasted about providing.

Having said that, I am happy to cook vegetarian stuff for people who do not send me a list of conditions I need to follow before hand.

You expect people to believe you have vegetarian friends? I’m struggling to believe you have any friends at all tbh.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant
What's the difference between your list and their list.
It's just called being polite and having empathy, clearly you're lacking in both.

I'm not even a bloody vegetarian and will eat anything someone puts in front of me, if I like it or not. But if I couldn't/wouldn't eat something I would expect people to respect that.

My father is lactose intorelant, it makes him sick. Back in the 40s he was made to finish his milk at school even though it made him throw up everytime.
Is that the attitude we want to go back to.

I missed the bit where you'd offer to bring something and she declined. That's ridiculous.

She's family, you say you like her, so it's time for some honesty.

Tell her you had a lovely time at hers over Christmas, but if you come next year you'd like to contribute to the catering by bringing something for the vegetarians to eat - maybe a nut roast or stuffed peppers. So you are phrasing it in a constructive way, rather than critical.

If she is very traditional it might not have occurred to her to cater specially. I bet my MIL wouldn't have a clue either.

Oh dear OP, it sounds terrible. I think you all must be crazy polite. I find the thought of 14 people sitting around and a few of them only having peas, sprouts, carrots and potatoes on their plates and NO ONE saying anything terrible. You would have thought someone would have asked if their was cheese or something 🤷🏻‍♀️ It must have been so awkward. Was there a starter at least?

I'm also a bit at a loss why you are so worried about finding a polite way to decline any future invites. Surely you simply decline and if asked why you just say because you want to cook vegetarian food. It's not rude.

Her behavior is just beyond weird. Although I would also wonder what role your FIL had.

It is awful just eating dry veg. I've been vegetarian since the age of 10. I was invited to my mum's for boxing day dinner, I must have been about 24 at the time. When getting dinner ready she said she thought I could just have the vegetables! There was no vegetarian gravy either. Baring in mind it was just me, her and her partner for dinner! I was so upset, I would have rather she had made me beans on toast. I had terrible indegestion afterwards. I felt even worse when I heard she had my sister, (also vegetarian & the golden child), round for New Year and they had ordered in a Chinese!!

perhaps she really thought that was a nice plate of food.

Potatoes, Brussel sprouts, peas and carrots? If she'd made vegetable side dishes - vegetable gratin, roasted and glazed veg, that kind of thing - then I can see that making an adequate meal. But can you imagine her serving anyone else potatoes, Brussel sprouts, carrots and peas and thinking 'what a delicious meal I have offered'?

I always struggle with the main though

I'm not being funny, but you must be a really crap cook.

Of my 2 DC, one is vegetarian the other is nut allergic. I cook from scratch every night and manage to cater for both safely as well as meat eating DH and I flit between the two. Nut allergic DD is hovering around the edges of vegetarianism and my only concern for her is that she will be offered nut roasts everywhere!!!