Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think friend is being a bit weird.

296 replies

Adikia · 29/12/2017 05:21

Friend has met my DD 3 times, because we live far apart and friend has no DC, so when we meet up it tends to be for a night out rather than anything child friendly, friend has also been adamant up until recently that they don't like children. A few months ago we took DD(9) out for a day trip to somewhere they were both interested in, DD was on her very best behaviour and friend has decided my DD is amazing (which obviously she is). Friend posted DD something for Christmas. Not a cheap something you might buy a friends child, a thoughtful expensive something specific to DD's fairly unusual hobby. He has also bought me a very expensive Christmas present, like over £200, it's a much better model/brand of something I had been saving up to get myself. Friend is not well off, probably slightly better off than I am but certainly not rich enough that he won't have had to save to afford the gifts. We've never really done gifts before, maybe the odd bottle of local cider or fruit wines but never more than that.

He has started sending me emails for DD asking if I could pass them on, which I'm fine with, there's nothing in them that worries me, it's just that there are a lot of emails, he also wrote in her Christmas card 'thanks for being such a great mate' which just felt a bit odd, plus he called specifically to ask how parents evening went, which really, other than doting grandparents who actually cares how other peoples kids parents evenings went? reading the emails, he often tells DD I am great, or beautiful, or wise, which is weird for us, we don't usually compliment each other. He's also been facebook and whatsapp messaging me 5/6 times a day and if I don't reply I then get emails and texts, he's phoned me every morning before work and every afternoon on my way home since about October for no real reason. Previously we spoke via facebook maybe once a week. He let slip the other day that he checks the local bus app before calling, he checks the local weather forecast, he reads my local news, he has literally no connection to the area other than me living here.

So as not to dripfeed, friend is very recently divorced, messages got more intense just after the divorce went through. A large part of the issue is he decided he wants DC, ex-wife doesn't, and to be fair has been very clear on that since they were first dating. He has asked me quite a few times if I think he'll be a good dad, and if I think he is good husband material. Assuming it was the divorce knocking his confidence I spent an evening telling him how lucky any woman would be, he's only early 30's so plenty of time yet etc. Messages started that evening. I am married, have been for 10 years.

OP posts:
Adikia · 03/01/2018 03:49

DH is not going to talk to him because a) I think it will get twisted into him not letting me talk to the guy and b) now ex friend seems to have some big thing about being a big man looking after the little girlies and I'm not playing up to that shit.

OP posts:
JustPutSomeGlitterOnIt · 03/01/2018 05:18

I agree with not getting your DH involved. It would make you look like you're getting a man to fight your battles.

WellThisIsShit · 03/01/2018 08:47

How utterly rubbish. You’re handling it well. How are you feeling?

Apart from all the other serious connotations of his behaviour, it’s just bloody miserable for someone to mess up a life long friendship like this. It must be upsetting as you’re losing a friend.

Reading the last page of this thread was slightly eye brow raising. Typical internet ridiculousness as posters suddenly decide you haven’t told your dh... based on absolutely nothing except perhaps a desire to froth! Ah well.

Good luck with this situation. Hope this man backs off and doesn’t continue his inappropriate behaviour, whatever his motives.

CoraPirbright · 03/01/2018 09:23

Has he attempted to ring you OP? Will you take his call and tell him that his level of calls/Fb/texts is way OTT and bordering on stalkerish behaviour?

Ginkypig · 03/01/2018 11:25

I echo some of the things that have been said on this thread

The stalking post although I have no real expertise in that area but Especially the grooming posts, having done some work in that field it very much could be grooming for potential future abuse although I wouldn't say that for definite as I only know what has been written but the fact the circumstances written make it seem like a (in my opinion very real) possibility is enough for me to tell you to put things in place to protect your dd and you both.

I'm glad you know of a woman in the police to talk to and I would suggest you do.

Also have s chat with dd and tell her in an age appropriate way that you her and the rest of the family are now no longer in touch with him or friends with him any more and it is very important she must tell you if he tries to get in touch with her even if he is being nice and friendly. In other words frame it in a way that she knows there is a very good reason why he is not allowed to be part of any of your lives.

zzzzz · 04/01/2018 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Adikia · 04/01/2018 19:49

No contact at all since the new years message.

DD has been told I don't want her talking to him or going anywhere near him because he isn't our friend anymore, she asked why and I said I didn't like the way he was being and she said 'yeah he was getting pretty annoying'

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/01/2018 19:51

Good to hear. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

MiddleClassProblem · 04/01/2018 19:53

Fingers crossed that’s done and dusted x

zzzzz · 04/01/2018 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 05/01/2018 09:37

Sounds like you handled it well @Adikia, and he knows you meant what you said. You've got all posts covered now, let's hope he stays away.

greenmagpie · 16/01/2018 19:24

How's it going @Adikia? I think of this thread every so often.

Adikia · 16/01/2018 20:49

All is good thanks greenmagpie I got a text on the 7th saying 'I hope you've calmed down after your little hissy fit? I'll call you this evening' text back and said 'Don't bother phoning, it wasn't a hissy fit, you've been being creepy as fuck and I've had enough' and he hasn't replied or tried calling and hasn't contacted any more of my relatives as far as I know.

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 16/01/2018 21:46

Oh my goodness adika! I was hoping this would be over!

Hissy fit what a fucking arsehole! At least though his rude remark has shown his true colours and you could let rip with the wonderful response you've been being creepy and Iv had enough as fuck brilliant

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/01/2018 21:53

Thank God you put a stop to it, when you did. What a creep, and to say he would call you in the evening. Well, he definitely knows you're on to him !

BulletFox · 16/01/2018 21:56

Hissy fit...?

At least that has brought things to a point

greenmagpie · 16/01/2018 22:04

Wow!

ApacheEchidna · 17/01/2018 14:18

Only in the sick mind of a misogynistic arsehole would "person standing up for themselves and refusing to be controlled" be perceived as a "hissy fit".

You've dealt with this brilliantly op. Hopefully he is giving up now.

The sad thing is he will now move on to a new target. He hasn't changed, he will just be more careful to choose a woman with less confidence and assertiveness next time, probably one who doesn't have hundreds of mumsnetters cheerleading from the sidelines in support.

I guess there's nothing we can do about that.

ASongOfRiceAndPeas · 17/01/2018 23:31

Ugh, he's a total creep. Well done OP

ChasedByBees · 18/01/2018 00:02

Hissy fit. How fucking patronising. Good response.

Ellendegeneres · 07/03/2018 17:55

Nothing since op?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page