No presents for DD?

[ilovemilton]

DD has been no contact with abusive DF since the summer, “breaking” the court order, but with his permission.

DF texts her in Nov, asking her what she would like for Christmas. She gives him a list. It’s the first time he has attempted to make any contact with her since it broke down. They have never had a good relationship.

DS attends contact on Christmas Day, she asks for her presents to be sent back with him. DF replied “nope, you chose to break the order, you get your presents when you attend.”

Tonight he brought DS home, with a bag of presents “from the family, not the ones from me.”

He knew all along that she won’t be attending again, they have no relationship at all.

AIBU to either expect him to send the presents, or not to have ever even asked what she wanted? Is he playing a cruel game or should DD just accept the consequences of not seeing him?

He is playing games, but why would she want presents off him if she doesn't want a relationship with him?

He's playing a cruel game, what a cunt, your poor DD.

She needs to keep no contact - he's manipulating her and messing with her mind.

He has just confirmed she has been correct in staying away. He is a twat and no sack of gifts can change that. Tell him to stick them up his arse.

It’s a dick move to ask her what she wants and then refuse to give her anything

Unfortunately, he won’t change. All you can do is support DD and pick up the pieces. Next time he “reaches out” to her, remind her that it comes with strings attached.

Was he maybe asking so he could tell his family? He sounds like a creep but it is a bit weird to expect presents from a father you don't want to see again.

How old is your DD? How bothers is she about the presents?
Can you talk things over with her?
He is playing games and I am wondering is this is the kind of treatment that stopped the contact...

You and your DD should consider the lack of presents as a freedom tax.

If he was abusive towards her, she should rejoice that she's free of him.

DD almost 12.

She isn’t that bothered about the presents as such, but she did ask for a couple of things that she then didn’t ask other people for, that she was hoping to get. If he hasn’t have asked, she wouldn’t have expected anything.

He didn’t pass any messages on to family, they bought sweets and a voucher.

She’s under no illusions that he’s not a dick, this is the exact behaviour that destroyed their relationship / our family in the first place. But then he goes around telling everyone that she hates him because I tell her to

Bet the gifts were crap anyway. What a dick!

Well they usually are. But he’s never made a point about asking what she wanted before and making a big deal about it.

He’s also making a big point about trying to fixing their relationship and telling everyone how he is trying so hard with her. This is pretty much the only contact there has been in six months. Not the most helpful.

I f***g hate parents who play games like this with their children.

I doubt he even bought any of the presents. It’s just further attention seeking behaviour and him trying to prove a point - that your daughter is in the wrong and this is her ‘punishment’. It’s great that she can see him for what he is, and hopefully she didn’t get her hopes up too much

She’s sent him a message tonight along the lines of, I’m not playing your games any more, don’t contact me again.

Good for her, glad she can see through him. What a bellend.

Sounds like emotional blackmail. He's an arse

Please block his number on her phone (both texts/calls and WhatsApp, and social media)

She’s never allowed him to add her on anything, including WhatsApp. Basic texts only.

That’s good. I was thinking along the lines that WhatsApp can be used by anyone that has her number so he could unfortunately creep back in that way, but if he’s already blocked then fab.

HE has just shown his DD who he truly is..... a GradeA DICK

I’m glad you don’t all just think I’m a materialistic cow making a fuss about nothing!

No you're not. He's the adult and a twat. She's a 12 year old child. What a knob head, too bad your son has contact with him.

Why is he still allowed to see ds if he is so manipulative and abusive.
can you not get ss involved and insist on supervised access.
He could be doing the same with your ds.

DS tried very dramatically to stop but he threatened court again. His usual default when he doesn’t get his own way. He’s just a nasty bully.