No presents for DD?

[ilovemilton]

DD has been no contact with abusive DF since the summer, “breaking” the court order, but with his permission.

DF texts her in Nov, asking her what she would like for Christmas. She gives him a list. It’s the first time he has attempted to make any contact with her since it broke down. They have never had a good relationship.

DS attends contact on Christmas Day, she asks for her presents to be sent back with him. DF replied “nope, you chose to break the order, you get your presents when you attend.”

Tonight he brought DS home, with a bag of presents “from the family, not the ones from me.”

He knew all along that she won’t be attending again, they have no relationship at all.

AIBU to either expect him to send the presents, or not to have ever even asked what she wanted? Is he playing a cruel game or should DD just accept the consequences of not seeing him?

Judges and professionals working within the FC system are meant to be completely impartial and objective, however, they are still human and can impose their own views upon a judgement. They may also have their own agenda. Just because they threaten a woman who has been the subject of DV with reverse residency, does not mean the woman is in the wrong. There may be a big miscarriage of justice.

www.womensaid.org.uk/childfirst/

www.womensaid.org.uk/twenty-child-homicides-child-first-goes-downing-street/

some interesting reading of DV and unsafe contact, and how it impacts on children. New guidance for judges to follow, which I hope they will. I feel that all judges within the FC system need training on DV and coercive control.

It's good that you put so much trust into it
That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is that most people who don't get what they want from a judgement will consider that the judge was wrong. That's obvious, otherwise they wouldn't go to that extent of fighting their case in court.

I've worked with vulnerable children made wards of the court, when both parents were absolutely convinced that they were better parent than the other, and frankly, what I've seen is that in almost all those cases, both were as bad as the other. The kids were just used as pawns in their own personal battle, where both parties thought the other one was abusive and manipulative.

As said, the courts don't care about the parents. It's not about how deserves the child most, or who is the more worthy parents, but what is best for children. Of course the courts do get it wrong some times, but thankfully get it more often right than if just left to individual parents to have full control and decide themselves.

Well in my friends case and others like her, they have got it wrong. She had firm factual evidence, which the judge overrod. If this were tge case, then there woukd be no need for campaigns from organisations such as WA. I feel that all judges of the Family court should be trained in DV, coercive control.

Whilst there are always two sides to every story, the DC have never left my care crying that they have been locked in all weekend, with no toys or activities, in a dirty house, where they are hit and shouted at for things like losing at a computer game or not sitting down quickly enough. And they have certainly never left my care with bruises and scratches.

Against all what it appears, I do feel sorry for OP because she clearly strongly believes that her OH is abusive towards her children and when you believe this, the prospect of having no choice but to expose your children to this is horrendous.

You don’t think the violence the OP's DC have witnessed and been subjected to themselves is evidence of abuse? Choosing to see this as 'he said she said' with no evidence that the OP is lying seems uncharitable to say the least.

Cross-posted but the OP nicely illustrated my point.

And to bring the story back to the original point, if you were so hurt and distraught that your daughter “thinks” you abuse her and doesn’t want to see you; wouldn’t you take every opportunity you had to show you love them, rather than using Christmas presents to continue to use this as an excuse to exercise further control.