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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared about mil staying?

279 replies

BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 10:58

Mil is staying in our home tomorrow for 2 weeks. She is from non-european country and doesn't speak English. I've never met her before. I have anxiety and depression and a 4 month old baby who is having a sleep regression and is ebf. Between us, we also have 2 seven year old daughters and a 6 year old son.

Whilst mil is staying, dh is going to work for 6 hours on 3 of the days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed. Is dh being unreasonable expecting me to cope with this?

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 28/12/2017 11:01

don't worry about it, just do what you can.
maybe she will help you.

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2017 11:01

Do any of the children speak her language?

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:02

My dh's daughter speaks her language

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 28/12/2017 11:04

Do you think her presence will send your anxiety through the roof? Sounds as though you're already dreading it. I don't think you should feel the need to bend yourself out of shape to accommodate her. Who knows, she might even help you.

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2017 11:08

Great. Make sure she is there on the days when your dp isn’t and appoint her official interpreter. (we did this with one of my nieces- she had a special hat!Grin ) Then just do your best to carry on as normal. She,s probably terrified too.

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:10

I was awake all last night worrying about it. Dh thinks I'm being a dramaqueen.

OP posts:
KC225 · 28/12/2017 11:14

Ask your DH's to take her out to the park for a walk etc. Down to the local shops. Maybe you she can teach the girls something to make etc., from her home country etc. Try to plan those days. Is there any other family or friends she could see on those days.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/12/2017 11:18

You're not being a drama queen. Are you part of a blended family? I mean are you a step parent to either of the girls?

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:19

No other family or friends.

Seems iabu for being freaked out. Damn my mental health :(

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:20

I am stepmum to his daughter

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2017 11:20

She might be lovely, you might get on with her. Don't be put off by the million of awful MIL threads on here.

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:23

How can I get on with someone that I can't communicate with?

OP posts:
IWillSurviveHeyHey · 28/12/2017 11:25

YANBU to feel anxious about it. It might help to tell us what country she's from as someone might be able to give you some cultural pointers?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2017 11:25

Well look at this way.. if you can't communicate with her how is she going to get on your nerves? Say something you don't like? She's not.

trinity0097 · 28/12/2017 11:25

What language does she speak? Could you find a translating app to help? Use your step daughter to help translate and also try to learn a few phrases in her language, e.g. do you want a drink, that type of thing?

Talcott2007 · 28/12/2017 11:27

You not being a drama queen at all. I get anxious about my PIL's visiting even after 10 years when my DH isn't there to translate and we actually can communicate Ok amongst ourselves (European Language) one thing I found helpful in the early days was for my DH to write down a few key phrases like - would you like a drink? Do you want to go for a walk? Etc Next to each other so you can literally point to ask the question. Is there an translation app you can download to your phone for the language? So you can type in what you want to say and then she can read it/type her response

Tighnabruaich · 28/12/2017 11:27

Could you have fun learning each other's language? Names for common household items - you tell her the name in English, she tells you the name in her language? And enlist step-daughter, give her a Very Import Role as interpreter. I'm not going to say 'stop worrying' because I am a major worrier myself and project all kinds of worst case scenarios. Each time after the event I am reminded of the truism - 'the fear of the thing is worse than the thing itself'. She may well be lovely and all will be well.

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:27

Greatduck good point.

She's from Russia.

OP posts:
NonnoMum · 28/12/2017 11:27

IF she's raised a kind and lovely DP, it's likely that she's kind and lovely herself...

Tighnabruaich · 28/12/2017 11:27

Important, not Import.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/12/2017 11:29

I don't think anyone's said yabu. Have you sought any treatment or therapy wrt your mental health?
Tbh, even without your Mil coming to stay for 2 weeks it sounds as though you could do with help and support from especially your H. Are you bonding well with the baby?
If I've understood correctly your H will only be working for 6 hours on 3 days out of the 14 that she will be staying?

Pearlsaringer · 28/12/2017 11:31

I bet she is as scared as you. Give her a big hug on arrival and make her welcome. All will follow from there. (Agree have DSD as official interpreter, maybe get her to teach you a few words or phrases in MIL’s language). She will probably be focused mainly on the baby and she might even help out on the cooking front if you let her. Good luck and hope it all goes well!

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 11:31

I'm in therapy and on antidepressants. Yes that's the amount he's going into the office. I think he's working from home other days. I've bonded well with the baby.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/12/2017 11:34

Be kind to yourself. Get out of the house when you can, get DH to take care of mil as much as he can. Fingers crossed it'll all be ok OP.

PhuntSox · 28/12/2017 11:35

Use Google translate, have some phrases ready too. Be brave, you can do this!