To be scared about mil staying?

[BlueNewYear]

Mil is staying in our home tomorrow for 2 weeks. She is from non-european country and doesn't speak English. I've never met her before. I have anxiety and depression and a 4 month old baby who is having a sleep regression and is ebf. Between us, we also have 2 seven year old daughters and a 6 year old son.

Whilst mil is staying, dh is going to work for 6 hours on 3 of the days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed. Is dh being unreasonable expecting me to cope with this?

I reckon you and MIL will get along just fine. But it doesnt chage the fct that your dh sounds like an unsupportive arsehole.

Well you can only do your best.
Your 'D'H sounds like an abusive bully.
I think once this is all over you seriously need to re-evaluate your relationship.
He sounds awful.
You can freak out if you want.
If you need to escape then please do pack a bag and head to your mums.
You do NOT have to put up with this treatment of being expected to be perfect.
No-one is perfect.

Hijklm I never flung my mother onto him in this manner. I wouldn't dream of putting him in this situation. He clearly doesn't care about my emotional well-being as I care for his :(

Is your husband mother it's not so strange that she should be made feel welcome. What did he mean by freaking out? Do you have a history of crazy episodes throwing things around etc? If not then I would challenge this comment.for the rest try and relax, your not being invaded you are having a visitor and 3 day out of a fortnight is not too much for your husband to be at work tbh.

By "freak out" I think he means cry, get upset, flee or shout

Hijklm, I would agree with you if not for the horrid threat the dh has made.

Sorry, OP, I meant your dsd, and even at 6 or 7 she can feel proud of being asked to be Official Translator! It won’t harm her unless either adult expects her to translate nasty stuff. How likely is that, do you think?

This woman isn’t the Devil. She’s just a woman.

My husband loves his Russian mil. A)she doesn't live nearby so no chance of unexpected visits or popping in. B) language barrier is great less chances of upsetting or offending c) she is a great cook, helps to clean, babysits the kids d) she is just happy to see her only GC and adapts to whatever we have planned. What's not to like?
Sadly I wish I had the language barrier with my Mil, who is always unhappy, lots of PA and no interest in GC.

And I think your Mil has every right to visit her son and his family to be fair.

"flee" could happen. When I'm stressed it's my urge. Flee to my mum's.

Am I reading a different thread to everybody else? This op has a new baby, anxiety, and has a stranger coming to her house for a fortnight and has been threatened with divorce if she doesn't toe the line?

And people are saying Russian is a great language? It's not about Russian, it's about the ghastly circumstances this op is being forced into by her husband.

Do men have to entertain their in-laws while women go off to do other things? No, they don't.

I love my mil but I can't and won't entertain her for long periods. That's dhs job.

I'd be thinking very deeply about the future of my relationship if DP threatened me this way. You might get on with your mil, you might not. Either way, not your problem.

No need to flee, just go for a walk with your lo when you need a break (at least it wouldn't look odd).

But why would he say that? Do you normally cry or shout when you have visitors? Is he worried you 'll embarrass him? It's normal to feel nervous( I was the first time MIL came to visit ) but it's not so much of a big deal. Maybe it's turning into such a drama because of your depression?

Morris but he didn't say you need to love her. Looks like he just want her to behave normally! It may be a stranger but it's still the husbands mother!

I used to really get on with my ExMIL.
But if my ExH had wanted her to come and stay for 3 weeks I'd have gone for him.
No way, and I can communicate with her.
I think a 3 week 1st visit is excessive.
And OP has depression and anxiety and it sounds like her DH is a dick-head at best and an abusive asshole at worst.
So it may not seem like too big a deal for some but for the OP it is a big deal.
OP - do NOT feel like you can't 'flee' if you want to.
Please don't put yourself under more pressure by assuming you have to stay in a situation that you don't want to be in.
Do what you can and if you can't take it all then you leave!
With your head held high, because you did try.

Hopefully she’ll be very warm towards you and get stuck in the kitchen so you won’t gave to worry about cooking.
I think once shems there (even if it’s not perfect), it’ll be easier than the trepidation of waiting.

Apart feom this, I’ll be reading a riot to that DP of your - fuck scaring you into submission!

I'm assuming nobody here has had depression or anxiety. I had both following the birth of DS and if my dp had shipped in a foreign speaking stranger and told me to act normal or face divorce I'd have run away to my mum's. Does anyone here know what depression and anxiety actually are? They aren't just words. They're debilitating conditions and there's a small baby in the mix too.

I would weep if this was imposed on me. And leave.

I feel like there’s more to it, your reaction seems a little OTT, saying he doesn’t care about your emotional well-being because he’s invited his mother to visit? It’s a perfectly reasonably request. How would you feel if your future DIL treated you in this way?

That being said, his comment was a little off. Did he mean it spitefully? Or does he just struggle to know how to deal with your mental health issues and said the wrong thing/meant it in a lighthearted way? If my DH ran off screaming whenever my mum visited I would find it extremely odd...

OP, just focus on the positive posts here for the mo. They will help you to make this visit a success. You can review your options later, when she’s gone.

I have anxiety too, although recently getting to grips with it so I do get you OP. It’s just cery hrd for thise who dont have it (your DH) to understand how debilitating it is.
Can’t your mum come over and entertain MIL for a bit with some hamd pointing and a dictionary?

Have you tried putting a translator app on the phone. I speak into my Russian friends phone and it translates what I am saying,

Well said @MorrisZapp. Couldn't have put it better myself.

Anonymous, presumably your own mother speaks your language, doesn't have to live in with you, and isn't left alone with your dh for long periods while he also cares for a baby and deals with his depression.

That still doesn’t make OPs reaction to the situation rational or proportionate though?

Look at it on the basis that six hours a day for three days is really a very short time. She may well simply be happy to sit down and read or watch TV or something similar over that period.

There seems to be a lot going on, but fundamentally an adult shouldn’t need to “flee” from their MIL or be so freaked out by this.

Either the OP is being ridiculous, or her mental health issues mean she’s over reacting, or she’s being disproportionate because her husband is a bully. Or all 3.