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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared about mil staying?

279 replies

BlueNewYear · 28/12/2017 10:58

Mil is staying in our home tomorrow for 2 weeks. She is from non-european country and doesn't speak English. I've never met her before. I have anxiety and depression and a 4 month old baby who is having a sleep regression and is ebf. Between us, we also have 2 seven year old daughters and a 6 year old son.

Whilst mil is staying, dh is going to work for 6 hours on 3 of the days. I'm feeling scared and overwhelmed. Is dh being unreasonable expecting me to cope with this?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 05/01/2018 15:03

I'd bet that your children are scared of your reactions, and your DSD must be so confused. They won't understand anxiety, j use that you've lost your shit.

gobbynorthernbird · 05/01/2018 15:04

*just

pastabakewithcheese · 05/01/2018 15:04

Why are you letting a 7 year old control you and make you fearful? MH issues aside, you do need to straighten up and be the parent in this relationship. Give her some consequences with conviction, the minute she sees a weakness in you she will exploit it. The grandma is not blind to the behaviour and will soon figure out the dynamics without any verbal input, your only downside is she can't translate what you're talking about. So use the translation app, and see if the grandma understands.

It seems you listen more to what's being told to you rather than making your own decisions and understandings as an adult

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 15:09

Give her some consequences with conviction

And she goes crying to grandma, daddy, mummy. And then I'm the bitch.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 15:11

You seem to have a major issue with your step daughter i feel quite sorry for her

If you were her stepmother, you wouldn't feel sorry for her.

She will drive away all daddy's future partners with her behaviour. I can guarantee it. This thread is only the tip of the iceberg.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 05/01/2018 15:17

Have you managed to leave yet?
They can't make you stay and stop you from leaving.

Coldfeet18 · 05/01/2018 15:23

I bet your poor mil is wishing she'd never come. From your posts it's clear you are struggling with everyday life at the moment so your dh was bu to leave you alone to entertain mil. I think you should go back to your doctor asap.

Aridane · 05/01/2018 15:24

You’re massively over reacting but you are a quick packer and dresser

Grin
Aridane · 05/01/2018 15:27

MIL sounds a sweetie.

SD sounds like she is going through a typical 7year old brat phase in a blended family. And of course she's going to whinge to DGM.

You, however, seem to be catastrophising and making a drama out of nothing very much. I think the priority must be to get medical help to manage your excessive anxiety.

Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 15:43

Well no I wouldn’t feel sorry for her if she was my step daughter because I would probably be nicer to her.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 05/01/2018 16:06

But your mil begged you to stay. She sounds, you know, nice. She may not be able to speak the same langauge but I'm sure she can read situations better than you think

A little kid running between adult figures telling tales or saying 'they said this....' Yeah that's pretty standard. Especially one who has been through a divorce

I agree with the other posters. You need to regroup. A weekend at your mums. Speak to your Gp anxiety though. I appreciate having a baby and a full house is stressful but it shouldn't feel like this. You're collapsing. Which is no good to anyone let alone you.

CuntyChoppyChops · 05/01/2018 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 05/01/2018 16:34

OP, she's 7.
Your MIL is a provably just as tired, emotional and anxious in a situation that's unfamiliar to her.

Overreacting feeds the drama. One of you has to stop first.

Good luck

LoveProsecco · 05/01/2018 16:42

Do you has any RL support?

Emmageddon · 05/01/2018 17:05

Oh gosh, your SD is a child. Stop over-reacting. Be kind. Remember what you were like aged 7. And be nice to your MIL, she must be hurt and bewildered in the situation you describe.

bumblingbee1 · 05/01/2018 17:27

If my husband swore at me and told me that 'Id better shut up', I think I'd be leaving as well.

Op I also have an anxiety disorder and I think, regardless of that, you've had a lot put on your plate and little to no support from your husband. I would feel overwhelmed too.

Introvertedbuthappy · 05/01/2018 17:37

I think you need help OP. Serious help. You are drinking shots of vodka to self-medicate and admitted up thread that your "freaking out" manifests as shouting, crying uncontrollably or fleeing...That can't be easy to live with - for you, your children or husband.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 05/01/2018 17:43

Honestly OP, I was reading the beginning of this thread and had an underlying feeling that from your side there was some sort of manipulation and control going on and a desire to cut your husband off from his family by causing trouble and making him unwelcome. But then I saw about issues with the new baby and felt a bit of sympathy for you and decided not to say anything.

But this stuff about your DSD is awful. You really need to get some help. You're making him choose between you and your children or anybody else in his life and totally overreacting. Talking like this about a child is not acceptable.

And I don't think your DH was overreacting telling you not to kick off because I think he just knows you better than the people on this thread and was expecting you to kick off over something minor.

It sounds like your entire family are walking on eggshells. Seriously, get yourself to the GP pronto.

usualGubbins · 05/01/2018 18:00

Reading back I think the drinking vodka whilst on antidepressants is contributing to this problem, as alcohol can make the depression worse. Only you know how much you are drinking, but if your husband doesn't like you drinking it hints to a bigger problem to me, particularly from a Russian.

You should not be putting your DSD as the bad guy here, she's only 7 for heavens' sake! Time to step up and see your GP.

ItMadeMyEyesWater · 05/01/2018 18:05

If it was my MIL, God rest her soul, I'd shit mesen. Shock

Original poster
BlueNewYear · 05/01/2018 19:58

It sounds like your entire family are walking on eggshells

Which "entire family" would this be? My 2 older children are well-adjusted, well-mannered kids. So I'm hardly the child abuser made out to be here. SD meanwhile, is a mess, and I didn't bring her up.

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 05/01/2018 20:00

The way you’re talking about her is disgusting I hope to god this isn’t real because you’re not nice about her at all I honestly really feel for her.

myrtleWilson · 05/01/2018 20:03

BNY she's seven - the way you're talking about her - labelling a child that young "a mess" is horrible, really horrible.

rothbury · 05/01/2018 20:04

I don't understand what you mean that they will not allow you to leave - if you are being held against your will you need to call the police.

Why did you want to wait until Dh got home? Surely that caused far more drama than if you had just left quietly....

Eltonjohnssyrup · 05/01/2018 20:12

Which "entire family" would this be? My 2 older children are well-adjusted, well-mannered kids. So I'm hardly the child abuser made out to be here. SD meanwhile, is a mess, and I didn't bring her up.

I doubt any of them are enjoying this current drama. I also think they're wise not to let you leave in your current state, especially not with the children. What are they doing? Are they making any progress towards getting some help for you? Is there an OOH doctor they can call for you?

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