To be jealous of their free time

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

Does your local council do a free uplift? Ours does one a year I think (used to be 3) and they’ll lift anything as long as you’ve listed it.
Well done getting started, it can feel a bit “oh fuck what have I done” when you’re halfway through but it’s bloody brilliant when you start to actually see progress. We’ve recently moved house and in the run up to the move I was so overwhelmed, it just felt like there was stuff everywhere, boxes, junk to organise, and it felt like an insurmountable task. But little by little I got there, and so will you OP. The first two years with two under 3 is emotionally and physically exhausting, don’t be too hard on yourself. It also sounds like you’re a really good Mum, putting spending time with your children over everything else (something I’m not very good at sometimes, so I’ll try and take a leaf out of your book and do more with them) which is also very tiring so no wonder housework is harder when you’re all wiped out!

Have you got a playpen?

In the New Year, lots of charities will put bags through the letterbox. Every time you get one, use it to get rid of a bag of junk. Ask your neighbour for their bag and get rid of two bags of junk.

Sorry, what is a free "uplift"?

@PersianCatLady I don’t know if all councils do it but ours will lift non-stinky (for want of a better expression) rubbish once a year if you list everything you’re leaving out. The kind of stuff you’d put in a skip, like broken furniture, old carpets, garden toys/furniture stuff like that. Even binbags (as long as it’s not got food or anything rotten in it) as long as they’re counted.

I appreciate that purple but there are other solutions to trying to do it all - Op is working and raising young children, I’d say a getting a cleaner is a more sensible option that never getting a second to herself.

Some charity shops will collect if you have enough to donate

NotReally
Thanks, I had never heard of that before and I am certain that our council doesn't do it but the OP's might

Sounds a shitty thing to do but just once ring in sick at work but still send the kids to your grandparents. Have one massive clear out day and get on top of everything. If this doesn’t help get yourself to your GP as you do sound a little depressed.

I don’t think this is about the OP needing advice on how to keep on top of tidying. Read the thread title. That’s the crux of it. She doesn’t have much free time because she has young kids, as is the case when they are that age, but doesn’t think it’s fair that other people without kids or whose kids are older, have more free time than her.

Baffling attitude.

The house will wait, don’t martyr yourself for a perfect house, you need to take care of yourself

It doesn't sound as though she's martyring herself for a 'perfect' house to me. When a house has got to this stage, tidying it is taking care of yourself.

I agree with the short sharp bursts.

Or tackling one thing at a time.

But getting cross with other people isn't going to help. Lots of us are lone parents so don't have a partner who comes home even after 65 hours a week, some of us have to do everything you do and a full time job but without any support ever and no chance of improvement. People really do just get on with it.

I was really taken aback by the op being jealous of other's free time. No way in hell would I step in to do someone else's chores. If I'm at a funeral meal they're hosting I'll head to the kitchen and pitch in. If they're dying I'll rake their leaves. But garden variety "life is too much" is something we all have to deal with.

@PersianCatLady our Council had a lot of problems with fly tipping so I think this is their response.

Hi OP. My kids are a similar age and I am on my own. I'm lucky enough to have family who will watch the kids if asked, but try not to ask often as I don't want the novelty to wear off!

I find that having a list of non negotiable chores every day helps. Washing up, bins emptied, a load of washing done and tidying up of the living room are done in 45 minutes when the kids have gone to bed.

I don't leave a room without doing something in it. Eg. Taking any washing up through to the kitchen or carrying a basket of washing upstairs. It's surprising how well this works. It can be hard to get motivated sometimes, but I tell myself if I don't do it today it will double the work tomorrow.

But garden variety "life is too much" is something we all have to deal with.

Actually, if someone laid it on the line for me like that and said, "Look, things have just got on top of me/us a bit. Would you mind having the children for an hour or two whilst I just make a dent in it?" then I would agree to it.

I'd possibly be a little if they have a partner though and wonder why they weren't pulling their weight a bit more.

I wouldn't volunteer.

I'm sorry but jealousy is natural and I am jealous when my Christmas is two snotty, needy children following me around as I try to take washing upstairs or do the washing up. I do wish I had a couple of hours free to fold washing or sort socks whilst catching up on Call the Midwife or bake off. I'm in my twenties so most of friends don't have children or have partners who don't have to go back to work on Boxing Day. I am jealous. I know they have things to do and time spent seeing family as well but I just want a break. I'm not apologising for that.

I felt terribly jealous of people who didn't have toddlers when I had them, I occasionally felt like it was a conspiracy against me during my low points. I understand.

Honestly, I'm sorry you feel this way . Mine are more grown up now (12, 15) and I'd love to have those days back.

I've asked my mum for help with kids when I've been really snowed under and she's been happy to help. The key is not to overdo it I guess!

Plus I am 100% with you on taking the kids out. It annoys me when my dp tells me I should stay in more. The kids are wild or grumpy when they don't get exercise, and we are all much happier when we are out and about. Mind you, now that they're that bit older (youngest is 4) they are much happier to entertain themselves and life is easier (so now I'm pregnant with number 4!! Glutton for punishment)

I don't drive either so any stuff that's sorted out for charity just sits in my lounge until a family member takes pity on me and takes it to a shop! I've put loads of toys on FB for free this week but no takers, I guess everyone has enough toys

I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but honestly, just chuck it all in the bin.

In ten or so years time OP you will have older kids who sleep in and spend most of the time in their bedrooms while your friends are having sleepless nights and running round after young kids.
This period is rubbish but it won’t last. This isn’t your life forever your days of lazing around will come!!

Put it up on freecycle or gumtree as free baby clothes for collection only. Don't chuck it in landfill as advised above.

My advice was because there are lots of people with houses full of clutter which they are always planning to sell, donate blah blah...they more often than not, never get round to it so there houses remain cluttered. In the midst of clearing a house which desperately needs sorting it only serves to waste time...just get rid of it.

I don't have kids, so I guess a lot of friends/relatives might think this way about me. Haven't read the full thread, but, well....

I'd definitely help out a niece or a nephew I love and adore (and have done so)

I'd definitely help out a relative or a friend with whom I have a great relationship,or at least if she has taken an active interest in me and kept in touch with me (and have done so)

And of course there's always the humanitarian ground, I have volunteered as a carer/babysitter when a neighbour or a family in our clan is going through some hard times (bereavement/legal troubles etc)

Otherwise there is no chance I am going to give up my hols (that I have been looking forward to, after a stressful year/job) to look after your kids.

Better storage might help you. Lots of people swear by ikea kallax as you can hide things away in the boxes that fit the unit. We’ve just ordered one as we’ve outgrown our existing storage over Christmas and I’m hoping it’ll help keep things looking nice. We’ve found IKEA picture ledges really good for book storage in awkward places (we’ve got four where a door opens). Have a look on Pinterest as there are some amazing ideas for storage in small places.

I’ve only got a 1 year old and appreciate how it can all get a bit overwhelming. I’m sure with two young ones you must be knackered as the age gap is so small. When I went back to work we were overwhelmed with the house stuff and I made a two week schedule with small tasks each day (with the easiest ones on the part time days). I found it a lot easier to get into a routine with something there in black and white and it didn’t seem so daunting to do 15-20 minutes each day. I had really basic things on there like put x in washing machine, put bleach down toilet, tidy away post etc. It went really well until my husband binned it . We need to start again in the New Year.

Do you get out of the house most days? I find that my house is far tidier on the days we go out. For some reason if we don’t go out on a Monday, my little girl seems to trash the place. I think she gets bored after the weekend whereas on a Friday after three days of nursery she’s fine to chill at home.