To be jealous of their free time

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

Sorry accidentally hit post!

... I understand that those families don't always feel that easy.

It would never occur to me to offer to have someone else's kids and I wouldn't be thrilled if I was asked tbh. We have all been there, my youngest is 9 now so I am one of those lucky people spending my holidays eating crap and watching TV. I have 5 dc so I have had years of the kind of shit you are facing right now op. You just lower your standards and get on with it as best you can.

I would help you OP. I'm sitting around until the 8th Jan as only work pt.
I also have no little ones anymore, mostly grown up now.

Is there anyone like me in your family, it's nice to have the odd day with little kids after your own have gone.

Sorry but you are being a bit unreasonable. I understand though. I have a 12 month age gap and it was really hard when they were that age. Now mine are 4 and 3 and it's starting to get a bit easier as I can get stuff done when they are at school/preschool. Still can't take my eyes off them for longer than it takes to have a quick wee when they are home and awake though.

You need to be more proactive in all areas of your life here.

Firstly ask for help with your kids. No one knows what you’re thinking. Seriously, ask.

Secondly, write two lists, first one to include the immediate cleaning necessities and secondly one for ingoing weekly cleaning needs. Then, find a way to work then into your week. Find a way. It’s important.

Thirdly, at 1&2 naps are very common. I’m not sure about your specific kids needs etc but generally speaking napping is necessary at this age. Would walking them in a double bugggy be something that could induce sleep?
Good luck, OP, be strong. Be proactive.

its a very short time of your life It will pass

Is their father involved?

I offer to have DNs regularly so SIL/DB can have a break or sort things out.

Well, why don't you ask all the people whose children you used to volunteer to babysit before you had your own? Or have you only developed this view that childless people sit around doing nothing and so should provide free labour to superior beings parents without even being asked since it directly benefits you?

You need to get more organised. If the kids doors don’t shut because of toys, then you need a clear out. Surely that could happen even with the kids trailing you?

I see the martyrs are out in force

If you've previously helped out with childcare for family and friends op yanbu.

In my family we have always helped each other out and spent time with each other's dc.

I'm on my own with 2 year old twins most of the time as dh works away, bereavement, ill health and work commitments mean my family are unable to spend time with dc without me there these days.

It doesn't seem to occur to dh family to offer and I wouldn't ask. They are happy to have sil children regularly though.

You are bu about the state of your house though. I know it can feel relentless but you should be doing a bit every night when the dc are in bed.

OP, did you read your thread before posting? Talk to people if you need help

Why can’t their dad help? Do you work, if so do you use childcare? Can they go there for a couple of days?

Have you thought of asking your parents. They're usually quite good at free childcare, and if you're lucky you can bank with them as well.

Mike

Maybe that's what you would do, but don't judge everyone by your own standards.

OP, I think that Christmas mess takes forever to sort out, just try a bit at a time, when you can.
It's amazing what you can do in 10 mins if you prioritise.
It will take time, and you have my sympathy, I remember the carnage of mess after christmas when ours were little.

In my experience, no one ever volunteers to look after children, but people often will have them for an hour or so if asked nicely.

OP I’m a lone parent (not sure if you are too or not) of two, one with SEN. My house has been bad like you describe yours. What works for me is taking an hour each evening when they go to bed and just cracking in solidly for the hour. And then stop! The stopping is very important. Don’t burn yourself out. 1 hour of focused work an evening and honestly you willl Be Amazed how quickly things regain order. It works. Trust me. If DCs aren’t going to be early enough to allow this then that’s what needs sorted first.

Had a good Christmas Mike?

And no, don't ask before taking your LOs to grandparents, just take them there tonight and say you'll pick them up on Tuesday. Sorted.

Why on earth can't your partner take the kids out to soft play for a couple of hours for you to do it??????

I have tonnes of free time. Because I chose to work part-time and because my 2 ate at primary and secondary.
You don't get much free time when they are 1 or 2. Or I cleaned when they were in bed, on when they napped.

Why are you jealous of others freetime?

Could you use a travel cot for both children to play in for short bursts of time while you do some clearing up during the day?
As a single parent, I found I was too tired at the end of the day to do much more than a quick clear up in the kitchen and put the toys away. I did resort to bit of tv for dd too so I could get on with daily chores.

If a good friend asked me to babysit for a couple of hours I'd happily agree. If they said or implied that I should do it because otherwise I just sit around eating I'd tell them where to stick it.

There's no need for your house to be in the state you describe. You need to clean regularly to keep on top of it. Having a 1 and 2 year old doesn't stop you cleaning.

I had four children, aged from newborn to just under 4 and a half and had to just get on with it as my husband was rarely home because of work, so I do empathise. Not enough to give up my time off work though!