To be jealous of their free time

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I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

I have a chronic illness and a dd. My house is horrific. I've had friends come and help out a little but tbh, I'd just enjoy your little ones. Plenty of time for tidying when they start nursery. When I'm able I do most of my cleaning later at night so it does get done but no show home certainly!

My dad will be taking my two DCs out tomorrow so my husband and I can have a full day doing jobs around the house including painting, tidying garage, putting things on selling sites etc. He enjoys spending time with the children, we get our jobs done. It’s called a family.

But OP wasn't talking about asking the children's grandparents to take them for a couple of hours - and she'd have got a very different response if she had. She was upset that her childless friends hadn't randomly offered to take them without any prompting, because of course they have nothing going on in their own lives.

sorry but i was a single mum for many many years and my house was spotless.discipline for both the kids and yourself should see a clean tidy home, there really are no excuses I'm afraid. the time it took you to type this post you could have had a washing on

I wouldn't expect anyone to offer. But I think its alright to ask people.

Nothing wrong with saying to people. I'm struggling to find time to sort the house out could anyone have the children for a few hours.

I'd never offer but if someone was asking I'd be likely to say yes.

I think it would be rude to ask them to babysit. I would be horrified if asked to babysit someone else's toddler and baby in the holidays. It's a huge responsibility. I wouldn't mind older kids but tiny ones need constant watching/attention and tend to grizzle all day. If you had an emergency I would (like illness/injury) but not so you could declutter your house.

I think the only answer is to sort out your house while they're in bed. Spend a few evenings tidying. Get rid of all the stuff you don't have space for. Try to do bits during the day too, short bursts of it. Then develop a system so it doesn't get out of hand again. I stick a load of washing on first thing in the morning, hang it up to dry during nap time, put another on so it's ready to hang up by bedtime. Good storage units for toys and clothes. Every evening tidy each room so it's nice when you come down in the morning.

Or pay for nursery/childminder/crèche?

I think it's fine to ask for help. I hope they say yes but remember they really don't have to.
My husband and I do the housework between us when our daughter is in bed. She goes down at about 6.30 - we both work full time and are knackered by then but as we do it everyday we pretty much keep on top of it. Don't get me wrong, our house is far from perfect, but it keeps it manageable. Maybe put your kids down earlier? 8 is late for a 2 year old. Good luck X

Some posters are being a bit harsh. Not evetone copes in the same way. When its bad being overwhelmed and knowing where to start can be difficult.

You could also ask a friend to help you get started.

Or perhaps speak to your health visitor about homestart. I had a volunteer come and help me for a few hours each week when the children were small and I was struggling. It was such a help.

Oh my gosh im with you on this one. Everything is magnified at Christmas time. My husband is in catering and im sick to my back teeth seeing lots of fb posts of perfect family Christmas's while he works every hour god sends.I just feel like im drowning in cardboard and my poor children are missing out on the family walks/panto's/festive days out... i miss my husband and crave a 'family christmas'. Im not a bad person... just want the same as what feels like everybody else!

I genuinely dont think there is anything wrong in asking a trusted family member to watch the children for few hours to get on top of things. I do an hour a day but this is whilst my one year old naps. Its crazy to suggest you could leave your children playing playdoh/colouring at that age, they are way to young to be left unsupervised for any length of time. Definately ask for help, then try and keep on top of it by doing little bits every day... eg. Beds monday, washing tuesday...

Here is a link OP to see if there is a homestart near you.

www.home-start.org.uk

Oh OP I really feel for you. I remember those early days and sometimes the moment I woke up I counted the hours until I could put them both back to bed again. I've given up reading all the thread because the Perfect Peters and utter meanies are making me angry. Would it be easier to ask someone to come round to entertain the children for you whilst you clean around? I would happily come to a house and help clean/toddler wrangle. Nicer in a pair I think.

Hold on tight, this stage isn't going to last nearly as long as it feels right now. You are doing an amazing job working on top of everything else. As they always used to say on MN 'this too shall pass' if you put one step in front of the other the next thing you know they'll both be at school. Or passing their driving theory test and making you feel really old

If you are willing to be vaugeish about where you live I'd happily come for a couple of hours to help if near.

Totally agree with MrSlant. Your second post sounds like a normal day at that stage. I remember toying with booking dental appointments just to make me ask a friend so that I'd get half an hour off (I have 3 DSs but I'm one of 5, so know I have it easy). It will pass. Mess isn't important.

theres always somebody moaning on here about how they cant keep up with basic housework,i always find it a bit

What's the use of having just an afternoon off from your kids to do your cleaning when you are going to make it get back to the same state anyway in a couple of days time?? You need to change your mind set, have a proper declutter, change the way you keep things in order in the household, you have so many leftovers as you are probably making new meals for them every time and you don't want to throw half eaten meals away. Keep on top of the cleaning and laundry every day or every other day. This way you won't get in such a rut and desperate for someone to take your children. It's all in the management skills.

YY to playpen. I thought they were verboten on MN but lots of PPs here recommending one - I have found my people . My DC are way past that age now, but the playpen was a sanity-saver because you can focus on a task without one eye & ear constantly on the lookout for disaster.

A one-off cleaner - even if you can afford it - isn't going to help if the main issue is tidiness and too much stuff. Try to do one tidying/sorting task every day. Housework is soul-destroying because everything you do immediately gets undone. So try to do one task that will actually last for a bit and help you feel more organised- clean the fridge, tidy a cupboard (or even one shelf). You're about to move anyway so cull ruthlessly while your DC are still too young to notice. Forget selling stuff: post-Christmas is the worst time of year to try and it's more hassle than it's worth for most things. Give it to charity/freecycle or bin/recycle. You don't have to take it all at once. I often can't drive either (medical issue) - I just take a bag with me every time I go into town - there are charity shops everywhere.

You can also put some toys out of reach to control the mess - things like jigsaws and board games that they can ask for if wanted. Kids always empty out the entire box of toys so the only way to limit the madness is not to have too much in the box in the first place!

As for ironing - when I had DC your age, I ironed once in 3 years - for a funeral

Can't you just do the cleaning and ignore the children?

I keep a clean house by, well, cleaning. And the children play in another room. I don't stare at them 100% of the day, nor play with them 100% of the day. I have things to do.

Getting into a state you are climbing over mounds of filth is long beyond 'needing a bit of a hand'.

Put the kids in one room while you tackle another.

And frankly if they 'trash' anything, discipline them.

Mine put their own toys away and have never 'trashed' anything.

YAB a bit U.

My two are 9 and 6. DH and I work full time. I have close family 20 minutes away and a good network of friends. Not once have any of them volunteered to have my children. Not because they dislike me or my children (to my knowledge!), but because they are MY children. I chose to have them, and they are nobody's responsibility apart from mine/DH. On work days I get up at 5am, get stuff done before anyone gets up and do stuff when DCs are in bed. I pay a cleaner to deep clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms and do the floors and because I just can't do it all - it's an expense, but she saves my sanity.

This is not a "I'm so perfect" stealth boast; my house looks like something died in it most days. But its gone from being every day to most days, so it's an improvement. Get your DH to take them out, or ASK people. If you don't actually ask you don't get. People are not mind readers. Just send a quick text "Hi family member, I'm really trying to get some stuff done around the house, could I bring DC's to you on x-day for y-hours while I do abc jobs? I'll pay you in wine/buttons/baked goods/eternal gratitude."

Forget about the housework. for now. My guess is that If your DC slept better, your perspective, and your energy levels will lift.

So how to get 2 small children to sleep more? If I had the answer to that i’d Be a rich lady, but there are some things to try.

Often Children who nap, actually sleep better at night, and yours are still an age when they need a nap. Could you alter your routine to allow for a regular nap? The benefit here would be a short burst of free time for you too.

Can I recommend auidiobooks too? Catch up on a good murder whilst walking to the park or the shops. It might make some routine jobs more tolerable too

OP, Most of MN would have regarded me as a total slattern.

• I had a playpen (was tempted to sit in it myself)
• I didn't iron anything
• Some areas of housework just didn't happen
• I wouldn't have thought twice about asking a friend to make their Christmas gift an hour or two of taking kids out/babysitting instead of more stuff to store. I had no nearby family to call on, the only help available was friends.
• I got a cleaner the very second I realised I could afford one (this may not be you yet but think about when it might be possible)
• I realised that many of the people I was trying to live up to were no better than me and also struggling
• Eventually they get bigger and this time does pass
• Train them in putting things away and helping as early as possible, even if it doesn't seem to be working some of it will sink in

Be kind to yourself.

Did you realise that the kids are only 1 and 2 Acadia? You don't sound like you do.

You pretty much do have to be around a 1 year old most of the time they are awake. ( Thats where the play pen comes in so useful ) And really, 1 year olds and 2 year olds putting their things away? Really.

I can't get them both asleep on my own. Any advice on how I might do this would be very welcome.

Can you put your 2 year old in bed and sit with him while you feed 1 year old to sleep? Or will 2 year old sit with iPad/telly while you get 1 year old to sleep then put 2 year old to sleep?

Can you go out in the morning and walk back so they go asleep on the way home and then hopefully stay asleep in the pram when you get in?

Take small bags under the pram to the charity shop everytime you go out, don’t wait for a big bag to build up (I often take a carrier bag with 2 or 3 things in to the charity shop). It can DH take at the weekend.

Does your DH do much when he gets in? If one of you puts them to bed the other could do tidying/ironing etc.

Or when you come down at 9pm, just do 20mins/half and hour then sit down for half an hour.
Or do every other night, so one night do jobs/the other watch telly?

Unless you’ve got a really helpful DH, I just don’t think it’s realistic with 2 young DC to come and watch telly every night (as lovely as it would be) and expect the house to be clean and tidy. It is really hard though when they are that age.

I am a single parent to 2 boys so feel your pain, but sadly you just have to suck it up and get on with it. I have no family, their dad hasn't seen them since June and despite have kids rounds a lot including sleepovers they don't get invites back. Irritating admittedly but just life 😊

OP, I would just ask. I would happily look after friends/relatives kids if I knew they were struggling but I wouldn't necessarily offer over Christmas because a) I'd assumed they had plans and b) its my break and I'm quite enjoying that my kids aren't needy little toddlers anymore and can be left to their own devices and expected to tidy their own rooms.

*OP I haven't read any replies! I have a 15 month old and a 2.7 year old so TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!

My two get up by 6am and my 2 year old doesn't nap at all during the day and bedtime is an horrendous struggle and she often isn't in bed before 9.30/10pm (that's a whole other thread!)

I've had many a day where the mountains of clean washing piled up to be sorted/ironed and the dirty washing to be done seems to be never ending.

I really do think people forget what its like to have two so young, two in nappies, two to get dressed, two to sort meals out for and one to still feed. I load the washing machine, turn around to pick up some more and my two are pulling the washing back out....same with the dryer.... I tidy away the toys, it takes seconds for everything to be back out. Their latest 'game', they now work or as they see it play together is to empty all the clothes out of wardrobes/cupboards and throw them everywhere, bury themselves in them and hide.

I try to do the following every day...

1 load of washing, hang it up to dry.
Keep on top of all the washing up i.e. wash up after each mealtime - I don't have a dishwasher, haven't got room.
Tidy away toys around midday and again late afternoon, and again at bedtime.
At bathtime, pull out plug, collect up toys before they get out of the bath so you don't have to come back in and tidy up.

I've also found over Christmas, family have enjoyed seeing us but no one has actually looked after the children whilst we've been with them because it's their time off from work and their relaxing.

You have had all kinds of responses - and some of them are really helpful - but your biggest problem is getting motivated. We can all do a big blitz and feel really good about it - it's just the constant build up of washing and ironing - and the toys that just appear and keep on appearing!! I think you just have to 'glory hole' for the toys until you can take other peoples advice with the Ikea storage solutions - they don't come cheap!
I think start with one room - so many other people have advised this - so your lounge is respectable to greet visitors and for you to come down to in the morning! Add the kitchen next - and that's two rooms that you are not stressing over. The kids rooms and toys are a nightmare - you find yourself trying to match all the bits up to the games and keep them boxed and ready to use - it's so time consuming!! I used to help out at a toddler group and they had a hands off approach to toys - all in groups, then little bits found after the clear away were put in the big plastic 'sweetie' jar. If a child was playing with something and a piece was missing, it would be 'in the jar'. You are doing a great job - you are a mum. Some people have a natural aptitude to keeping to the 'a place for everything and everything in its place' - well that's great! The rest of us have to keep fighting against the tide and learn to let go of stuff (especially if we're not that well off) because we just don't have the room any more!
YANBU - if someone offers - accept!

Also if you can get details of local childminders who would have your kids for one day a month, take them to toddler groups and include them in social groups, I think that's much better value for money than a cleaner!