To be jealous of their free time

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

Excuse typos I'm being climbed over!

I know it's a struggle, I lost my mum and my dad is ill, OH parents are not interested in their grand daughter. I know it can seem overwhelming but as previous poster sais just break it down into smaller tasks. It's a blessing but it's also hard to be a parent. Could you employ someone to help for a couple of hours a week? I don't know your family situation. But don't expect anything from anyone it's less disappointing that way x

A lovely and helpful non judgemental post :)

In reference to @libbyb

I'm sitting around eating

Can you afford a cleaner for a few hours? Though you do have the stress of 'tidying for the cleaner'.

With kids that age, my house was a constant tip. It does get easier when they get older. Ignore the 'I iron at 10pm then clean for hours and never sit down' brigade.

I get where you are coming from, OP. Mine are a bit older than yours but I still feel I'm pissing in the wind with tidying. I tidied the spare room today, which is where all the clothes for the whole family are stored, it was lovely - dusted, swept, mopped, fabulous. I then had a shower and whilst I was in the bathroom, my kids decided to try on their clothes. So I walked back in to piles of inside out, scrunched up clothes on one side of the room and about a million coat hangers on the other side. I could have cried!

To answer some questions - I wouldn't think to offer to babysit for a couple of hours but I wouldn't say no if you asked me.

I keep on top of my house by doing stuff every day. I tidy up the kitchen after every meal, tidy and wipe the bathrooms every day, sweep the hall floor every morning, put away a load of dry washing whilst the next one is spinning... I have a list of one "big" task per week. This week is cleaning the inside of the windows. I will do it on Saturday morning when dh takes the kids to the shops. Next week I will take the Christmas tree down. The week after I will empty the kitchen cupboards to clean them... and so it goes on.

Good luck, OP.

It is so hard to keep on top of everything with two young children. I know how it feels when life is overwhelming & all you need is a little break. If there is anyone to ask, then do. I would be happy to help anyone in your position.

I have a 14 month old and a just turned 3 year old (last week). DH has his own business and I'm a SAHM who works from home around 10 hours a week for DH. He works long and irregular hours as many self employed people do. Our house is always tidy at the end of the day (not during!), washing done, ironing done, etc. DC2 naps every afternoon for around 2 hours, DC1 napped for the same length of time until a couple of months ago but now will sit quietly and play with her dolls or watch a DVD during this time (most days). I would say having a set routine with them really helps because they're less irritable in the afternoon and it gives me some predictability to my day. I try to make it a game and tidy up regularly throughout the day so before we go out in the morning "who can put all the toys away before this song ends" type game with them. We tidy up before tea time and before bed time same kind of thing and if I'm hoovering they "help" with their hoover. Recently they have started playing together a lot better so I can check work emails or do the dishes in this time. DH always helps when he gets home either tidying or putting them to bed. With regard to putting them to bed together I often bring them both into DC2's room while they have their milk and listen to a story, put him down then an extra story for DC1 if she's sat quietly while he has gone to bed so she has an incentive to be good. This all worked when they were 1&2 so hopefully some of this may help you. It's not easy and we are both on the go all day. We have 9pm as a shut off time where anything not done doesn't get done that day. I do think YABU to expect other people (not grandparents) to use their Christmas break to look after your children. Stress etc is all relative and they probably feel stressed out and deserving of a break themselves.

Hi OP. I have two small children, one is 4 and one just about to turn two. Recently I have really felt something lift off me. The first 18 months were so hard, I only ever felt like I was surviving...so much energy just to keep your head above water. I have also felt jealous of people who had finished the toddler stage. It’s getting so much easier. Just wanted to say there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Used to do all sorts of housework after kids were in bed. Used to be up till well after midnight but felt much better for getting cleared up. Cleaning oven, cooking for next Day, ironing were included in the late night tasks.

Their latest 'game', they now work or as they see it play together is to empty all the clothes out of wardrobes/cupboards and throw them everywhere, bury themselves in them and hide

I wasn't a particularly strict parent, but mine would only have done that once.

My children are a bit older now (10 and 7) and it does get easier but I get that that doesn't help you now! You're climbing a mountain and don't know where to start - I remember that feeling so very well. Make a list OP - even of the tiniest little jobs... it will help your motivation when you tick them off. I still do that now. Prioritise the jobs and carry over jobs to the next day. Do not stay up late! You need sleep and not getting enough sleep will make everything 100x worse!

Cleaning oven and ironing were included in the late night tasks

I can honestly say, i have never in my life felt better for giving up precious sleep to clean an oven or do ironing.

Cleaning the oven at night (and ironing) sounds utterly exhausting.

Oh bless you. I had three babies in 46 months. The 'baby' is now 11 - and only now does my house look... some kind of normal. And only now have I started ironing again (not even joking).

I will add to the playpen/travel cot suggestion, that was a bloody sanity saver.

Also add a HUGE yes to the previous posters suggesting the Pomodoro technique type things. You might think I'm being patronising, I'm honestly not, but it's amazing how motivated you can get when you're up against the clock. Jaysus, I've got to wash these dishes vs RIGHT! I've got 15 minutes to wash, dry and keep these dishes. Sad but true, well - for me, anyway! I set my timer for 15 minutes or 30 minutes each 'task' depending on how motivated I feel that day. When he's able, I pit my husband on a different task or room and we switch when the time is up.

But the main thing I've realised is, that the things I do every day, whether when the little ones were little or whether it's now, still need doing the next day. There's always going to be washing, no sooner have I put the last plate away, a teen will wander down with a cup, no sooner have I hoovered than one of them will trample mud in to the hallway. Be kind to yourself, enjoy your babies, and know it gets better. Then they become teens. They become teens together. And breathe... and breathe...

Why don't you throw stuff out? Don't keep so much stuff that needs to be cleaned, sorted and maintained.

Throw the leftovers out. Charity shop what you can.

Simplify your life to make it as easy as possible.

I totally get you OP. My two are three and two so I know how hard it is when you work, have a partner working all hours and no help.

I'm not ashamed to admit it winds me up that i feel constantly alone trying to do everything whilst no one offers to do anything with the kids. I know, i know, no-one is obliged to but it doesn't stop you feeling like that though!

I did a weekly rota for myself that included things like cleaning the bathroom, laundry , windows etc on different days of the week/month. I also got DP to pick some tasks as well to do for the week to share the load. I found it really helpful as i was getting so stressed and down trying to do everything on the same day and getting nowhere.

Oh and it does start to get easier i promise. Mine are slowly getting to the stage where they can play together in their rooms (with stairgates on their doors) whilst i crack on and clean/tidy/prep dinner/have a coffee

And i sacked ironing off a long time ago.

I only iron the children's clothes for nursery [big grin]

Hi op-
Hoping your feeling a bit better. I have 3 dc, now 6, 4 and 2. It does get easier which isn’t allot of help for you right now I know. When my youngest was born my eldest was 3. I breastfed so was up every 1-2 hours for the first yr- with a partner who also works very long hours and away allot. Comes with his job. All you can do is survive right now! I use to do some cleaning each day- I would get the kids to ‘help’ .. give them a baby wipe and say can you clean this cupboard for mummy etc... get them to put clothes away in a drawer ( they would obv throw it but at least it was in there ;) ). I would set one morning aside for a good half an hour clean and I would either put a children’s nursery rhyme cd on and sing along whilst cleaning or a nursery dvd on. Washing is endless - I still do one load a day but as hot children get older it’s easier to do things. I quite often fold washing in front of the tv at 9pm.. if you could get them to synch nap times that would help- I never could so have no advice on this lol! Your house won’t look like this forever ...

Can imagine it’s really hard with two little ones close in age.
Re the clean washing - definitely don’t bother ironing it if you were thinking of it - put it away bit by bit. When everything’s settled down, you can start ironing again if you want to (I never do !) Not having a massive pile of ironing to think about saved me loads of stress and time when my two were small.
How about a game with the kids of chucking everything in a box like your dd’s toys - just to get them corralled till you have time to sort out.
Hopefully if you have loads of leftovers, you can just eat those instead of cooking, so that should save time too. Otherwise, shove it in plastic boxes and into the freezer, if you have one, for another day. If not, just keep what you’ll def eat in next day or so and bin the rest.
How about asking a friend to do a childcare swap day - maybe others need a break too and would be happy to help with your kids one morning, and then you reciprocate with hers ..?
Good luck ! 🍀You can do it !

Thanks for all your advice and for everyone who took time to tell me that it gets better. It really has given me a bit of hope.
I wasn't suggesting that my friends 'should' help me, or that they ought to be mind readers. I just find it a bit mental that I'm knee deep in Dove body sets and chocolates from people who obviously care about us when all I really want is a bit of time to do housework.
Anyway I made a start today, dd's room is now completely tidy and there are no more clothes on the floor. Two loads of washing have been done and I've sorted the clean washing into its proper places. Feel guilty about the amount of telly that the kids have watched but if it's only occasional then I guess it's not so bad.
Back to work tomorrow

Get the tree down first it's amazing how much space you have when it's gone. Like others have said use a stair gate on their room or a travel cot, as long as they are safe, they may not like it but short blasts is fine x

You could ask people at work if they'd like your children's outgrown clothes. I used to pass on my kids clothes onto my colleagues once they'd outgrown them. It saved me from having to drop it off at the charity shop.

Going forward, can you save money for driving lessons as that would help you. Certain chores such as shopping and charity shop drop offs become easier & less time consuming when you can drive.

I am sure that come the New Year charities will put their sacks through the letterbox for people to fill with unwanted goods and they will come and collect them.

Make the most of these sacks.

On our next standard bin collection, we are permitted to put out two additional bin bags of general waste so check your council website to see if you can get rid of two big bags of rubbish that way.

I would also ask neighbours if they plan to use this extra rubbish allowance and if they aren't going to then ask if you can use it.

You could get rid of a good few bags of absolute rubbish that way.

Good luck