To be jealous of their free time

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

I know I was the one who decided to have two kids but I really need some help to clean my house. Things are at a critical level, climbing over mounds of clean and dirty washing to get into the bed, not able to shut dd's door due to toys and books, no room in fridge due to mountains of half eaten left overs. I just need a few kid free hours to do it and they don't nap.
All I can think of is that loads of my family and friends are just sat about at this time of year, eating. No one has volunteered to have them. Should I ask or do people want to relax at this time of year without a 2 year old and a 1 year old crashing about the place. I just feel so desperate to make the most of my few days off and I'm fed up of living in these conditions.

It is tough with young dc and mess OP.

Things will change though. I have grown up dc now and it is lovely to have free time at Christmas admittedly

Well done on making a start

Well done OP, getting started is the hardest part but now you’ve got one room done I bet you feel a lot better. Don’t feel guilty about the tv, needs must sometimes, and like you said it’s not all the time.

You aren't BU to be jealous, but you did choose to have them. My family used to like using me as a free babysitter during the holidays to look after their kids while they went out drinking. I started refusing and I will never offer to anyone again as you just end up being taken advantage of I've found. Although I never offered in the first place, just got told to do it and shut up.

You can ask your friends, but it's rude considering it's their holiday too. Paying for a child minder or babysitter or cleaner is better really. At least they want to do it then, rather than feel obligated to or they feel nasty.

Try to become more organised too. Ironing doesn't really need to happen if you fold stuff once dry. I haven't ironed a thing in years. Using the TV as a distraction for the kids isn't a bad thing either if it's not all the time.

"Hi (20-something childfree friend who I've known for years / family member / whoever), hope you've had a lovely Xmas. I've got a favour to ask. I don't suppose you're free on Saturday at all? I wanted to ask a massive favour - I'm drowning in housework and wondered if you'd fancy coming round to hang out with dc for an hour or two while I sort the laundry / clean the bathroom / blitz the kitchen? I'll provide tea and cake / lunch in return! I'm just struggling to keep on top of the house at the moment, and it would be so amazing to make some headway, and we could catch up over a cuppa afterwards. Just an idea, no worries if you are busy! Would be lovely to see you soon anyway. Lots of love, Pineapple xx"

"PS Hope you don't mind me asking.."

If someone sent me this message I'd be there and happy to help. YANBU - I also feel your pain, my house is a tip too

OP - Do you live in the South?

No need to reply in public if you want PM me.

Really well done for making a start OP.
That's always the hardest thing.

A few hours more of TV than normal absolutely won't hurt them - and the fact that you are happier about having a slightly tidier house will make them feel happier too (my kids love it when I am happy. They asked me to try to be cheerful when I get home from work.. I'm obviously usually a grumpy mummy 🙁).

It does get easier. I look back when mine were 2 and 6 months, and realise I was so sleep deprived I was slightly crazy - now mine and older, both at school, it is soooo much easier, even working FT now, and husband working about 65 hours too.
It gets easier. You're doing your best. Keep on keeping on!
Xx

OP, if it makes any difference (and I'm sure it probably doesn't), the Reddit crowd have cited your thread as an example of the ever increasing nastiness of AIBU, where people pile in and are nasty to someone who just reached out for a bit of help/advice. Ignore posters who are being assholes. Having 2 babies is a huge amount of work and don't underestimate it. You're a better person than I, I can barely cope with one. As so many people have said, break it down into sizeable jobs - write a list if necessary and tick them off as they get done. It'll seem a lot less daunting that way.
I'm sure you're doing a great job, in the grand scheme of things, as long as your little ones are happy, healthy, warm and fed the rest is not that big of a deal. It all gets easier, in another year or two when your two are able to amuse themselves, you won't be know what to do with yourself unlike me who chose the short term gain over long term pain of permanently having to entertain an only child. Sign

If all else fails, or are always good options.

@AhhhhThatsBass yyyeeesss! I knew I'd make my mark in this world somehow! Have you got the link?

@ExtraPineappleExtraHam

I found it! About half way down the first page, maybe 10 or 15 comments in.

www.reddit.com/r/MNTrolls/comments/7mn1qb/aibu_is_particularly_mean_at_the_moment_what_do/

(I’ll probably get banned for this)

Wow! Some of the judging here is really depressing.

I can identify. Best advice is to prioritise certain tasks, see what help your partner will give, even if he just takes them out for a few hours for you to do some housework, or even just get some time to yourself. I get more done when my son goes to his dads one weekend per month. Or consider outsourcing laundry or other jobs if you can afford to. I'm toying with that option because something has to give.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad. They have not walked in your shoes. Your children are warm, sheltered, fed, loved and cared for. That's the most important thing. I understand it can feel overwhelming.

I am a lone parent, have a child (6) with ASD (not high functioning) and I work full time to pay mortgage and bills to keep a roof over our heads. My son's dad doesn't earn much so I get little in maintenance. My son clings to me constantly and often won't sleep until 10 or 11pm, sometimes as late as midnight. He won't allow me to leave him until he's asleep. Some will say that's because I work and am not with him all the time, but needs must. I don't have much of a support network. I have a friend who can pick my son up from his after school club in an emergency if my train from work is delayed, but I would never ask her for help unless I was stuck. I don't want to abuse her goodwill.

Housework standards have slipped. My son makes a lot of mess and does not understand that he needs to tidy it up (his level of understanding is that of a toddler) though I keep trying. I'm depressed and exhausted most the time but I do my best to stay on top of it at least in the kitchen and bathroom, main living room and my son's room, and the laundry (though that threatens to engulf me most the time). Still not to my previous standards though and I get really stressed at the thought of visitors. I have rooms that I am embarrassed of. My own bedroom is by far the worst as I neglect that the most, nobody goes in there except me. If he falls asleep at midnight, I cannot be cleaning and tidying until 1-2am when I have to get us up at 6:30am to get him to his nursery where he has his wraparound care. Occasionally yes, but every day, no.

I do envy others sometimes but I don't expect anyone to help me out. I have friends with neuro-typical children who can get together and meet for coffee with kids in tow. I cannot do that due to my son's meltdowns and behaviours. But I accept that is my life now and am increasingly isolated. Work keeps me sane and I'm not giving it up

Sorry for my self pitying whinge. Having a really bad day.

@Solly76 I really feel for you. Like you said unless they've walked in your shoes then they really can't judge. We've had my daughter assessed for autism and she doesn't have it but she has traits. One thing that is a bit of a problem is that she won't let just anyone look after her, so getting someone to watch her is hard unless it's her grandparents or dad.
It's so tough, I don't know how you do it on your own. I feel so frustrated at the state of my bedroom but when can I deal with it? The kids sleep in there most nights and can't be left downstairs on their own because they'll trash it!
Hugs and solidarity

OP, I have committed the Mumsnet sin on not reading the full thread as it is so harsh and unsupportive in places. Having two children that age with that age gap is bloody hard work and of course it is not unreasonable to be jealous.

We can’t work miracles but if you want some help finding routines that work for you and sorting your house out we have a really lovely supportive thread in housekeeping here.

Hugs to all who are struggling xx

Can you afford to hire a cleaner for a one-off blitz while you take the kids out? Where I live they start at £10 per hour.

I definitely recommend getting rid of a lot of the toys and having a good declutter. It doesn't have to be all in one day. A bit, here and there.

As for the laundry, if you've a huge pile. Drop them off at the laundrette. Again, only has to be a one off so you can catch up.

You seem overwhelmed. Sending virtual hugs your way.

Believe or not this is one of the easier times of rearing. however, it doesn't mean that it isnt very difficult. Follow the wonderful advice that all have given you for organizing, hiring help etc. and then take mine! Relax. Closing doors and clean fridges will come back, but this special time of babies and love is so short. Clean enough to be healthy, but let some things go for now. My dd is 18, beastly 18. I am only holding onto sanity by a thread. I envy you this time, your youth, your energy and mostly, your dc who adore you and are home tonight. My cruel mil has only ever given me one good piece of advice: "treasure the time they are young, it goes by in the blink of an eye." It does.

Believe or not this is one of the easier times of rearing.

That's not a universal truth. My older two are 10 and 8 now and looking after them has become easier every single year.

I found the baby and toddler age extremely difficult and absolutely not the easiest time (disclaimer: no teenagers yet).

Teenagers aren't necessarily more difficult but the choices you and they need to make are far more significant so the worries are huge compared to when they were little. So, yes, you do wish you could swap worrying about the laundry with worries about their lives and their future.

Abbylee
I am sorry that your DD is suffering with her MH but for a lot of people the teenage years are much easier than the baby years. It has certainly been like that for me and I don't want the OP to lose hope that her situation is going to get better.