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AIBU?

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Original poster

Common in law wife? And wills

220 replies

harvester77 · 27/12/2017 10:34

Having a conversation over Xmas with family members and they asked if my other half has done a will. We have 3 kids and his house in his name on mortgage but he said if anything happened to him in to sell the house as it's mostly paid off and get the money. But if he hasn't done a will is it possible his other family could go for the the money? What would happen to us and the kids? We don't believe in marriage a s never crossed my mind but I'm unsure of what really would happen of someone happens to him? God forbid. Thank you

OP posts:
StrictlyPannnn · 27/12/2017 13:12

Weird how the OP asks God to forbid anything bad happening to other half...and yet.....

CotswoldStrife · 27/12/2017 13:12

So you think marriage is bullshit because of religion (whilst saying 'God forbid' anything should happen) yet you believe in the fictional common-law wife bit? Really? Yeah, that's consistent Hmm

splendide · 27/12/2017 13:13

The answer "get your name on the deeds" is wildly inaccurate. A mortgage is a loan agreement . To 'add names' on a title deed means creating a new loan agreement - which the loaner may not find acceptable.

I don't really understand your point here - it's not inaccurate to say that she'd be better off with her name on the deeds.

CotswoldStrife · 27/12/2017 13:15

Cross post with Strictly there Xmas Grin

It's not inaccurate to say she'd be better with her name on the deeds but it's not always possible depending on the mortgage lender.

StrictlyPannnn · 27/12/2017 13:16

Sorry, I meant it sounds like a simple process to "just" get named on a title deed to a property. When in fact it doesn;'t work anything like that.

splendide · 27/12/2017 13:17

I didn't have any problem at all adding my non-working spouse to the deeds of my house (which was mortgaged to the hilt at the time).

splendide · 27/12/2017 13:18

Sorry cross posted with you there Strictly! I did find it was very simple but I don't know if I had an unusually permissive lender. It was C&G and a standard mortgage.

NewLove · 27/12/2017 13:19

I find it appalling that in this day and age common law partners are not recognised

It is still recognised in same sex couples, even though same sex marriage is now legal. There are groups lobbying in parliament to have it extended to all couples.

splendide · 27/12/2017 13:19

Oh and shouldn't have said spouse! Was my boyfriend back then!

DrPill · 27/12/2017 13:23

Be3Al2SiO36 This was the law back then. Co-habitees had even fewer legal rights than they do now. Thankfully things worked out financially for this woman in the end, but legally, she had virtually no rights.

TittyGolightly · 27/12/2017 13:24

DH and I married for the legal protections. Nothing actually changed, we both kept our names and I don’t use Mrs, we don’t have a joint bank account (even now, 13 years later). But we’re both better protected should anything happen to either one of us.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/12/2017 13:26

FFS. Contact a registry office, give notice to get married, go and get married - which takes literally about 10 minutes and if you ask, the registry office will arrange 2 witnesses for you. Total cost of the notice and registering the marriage is just over £100. No religion is involved at all - it is literally you making a legal contract.

But if you are daft enough to think that 'common law wife' has any legal standing, uninformed enough to believe that a marriage ceremony is all religion, and lazy enough that you couldn't be bothered to google any of this for yourself, then it's on you.

kaytee87 · 27/12/2017 13:26

It is still recognised in same sex couples, even though same sex marriage is now legal. There are groups lobbying in parliament to have it extended to all couple*

No, common law marriage is not recognised in same sex couples. Civil partnership is which requires an active choice. Not just living together.

TittyGolightly · 27/12/2017 13:27

Actually, having read the first page of the thread you posted in September, I can see why you wouldn’t want to marry him!

ElephantsandTigers · 27/12/2017 13:30

If you want the protection on marriage then get married. There shouldn't be common law stuff. Sounds like you want the bits you like but not to bother with the ceremony. My "mother" has been with someone for over 40 years. They aren't married but she calls herself Mrs hissurname. He may even still be married to his first wife. Good luck to her when he snuffs it, especially as he's about 20 years older than her.

LemonShark · 27/12/2017 13:30

I find it appalling that in this day and age common law partners are not recognised

I think it's fantastic. If you want the legal commitment and rights marriage bestows on you, get married. It's available to everyone, if you can afford it. I'm talking the registry office fee which is not the same as the cost of a wedding.

This way, people can make a considered and careful decision about who they want those rights and duties to go to. Imagine a country where you shack up with a boyfriend to save rent but aren't sure you trust with your life as next of kin and don't want all of your wealth to go to if you die, where six months to a year into renting a flat together suddenly they're automatically your next of kin and inherit all of your possessions if you die?

I don't want that. I want the serious benefits and ramifications of marriage to be entered into willingly when you believe someone is a worthy spouse. Not to be automatically given to someone just because you live together. And I say all of this as someone who has not married.

Partridgeinabeartree · 27/12/2017 13:32

We're married and both atheists. I can't believe someone would equate marriage with religion. Xmas Confused

PoliticsGeek · 27/12/2017 13:37

This briefing explains the differences between marriage and cohabitation.

relaxitllbeok · 27/12/2017 13:37

To be concrete, I was pleasantly surprised to find that getting married in a register office not only didn't involve any religion, it also didn't involve any assumptions about what "being married" means to the couple. We had to declare (a) that we were free to marry, i.e. not already married to other people (b) that we wanted the law to treat us as married. Nothing else.

Motoko · 27/12/2017 13:45

It seems daft to pay out hundreds in solicitors fees, drawing up wills and cohabitation agreements etc, to get rights that are still inferior to the rights a marriage certificate confers. And then to also possibly have to pay inheritance tax, when a marriage can be had for £100 or so,

OP, you say that if you split, things would be divided equally, but if your partner refuses to marry you after you've shown him the benefits and security you and the children would have, then I think you're very foolish. He won't give you anything.

DampF0ggy · 27/12/2017 13:51

You are either married or single. Common law does not exist. In this case you are currently single.

FitBitFanClub · 27/12/2017 13:53

What is it about this man that makes you confident you'd get his house if anything happened to him?
I'm afraid that I too remember one of your previous threads about him, and you are in an extremely precarious position.

FitBitFanClub · 27/12/2017 13:55

If you split, not only would he not share everything equally with you, but he has actively said that he would take everything, including the kids.

Badbadtromance · 27/12/2017 14:02

Make it anew year pledge to protect you and your kids. When my so called common law husband died I got nothing. Don't end up like me op. Get it sorted

grobagsforever · 27/12/2017 14:03

I 'didn't believe in marriage' - hence I ended up getting married in ICU 17 days before DH died, whilst pregnant with DD2. That 27 pound ceremony meant I didn't lost out on about 200k of death benefits.

Just get married. Not because your DP might die young, but because you have a gift percent chance of splitting up and need protection

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