Common in law wife? And wills

[harvester77]

Having a conversation over Xmas with family members and they asked if my other half has done a will. We have 3 kids and his house in his name on mortgage but he said if anything happened to him in to sell the house as it's mostly paid off and get the money. But if he hasn't done a will is it possible his other family could go for the the money? What would happen to us and the kids? We don't believe in marriage a s never crossed my mind but I'm unsure of what really would happen of someone happens to him? God forbid. Thank you

There was nothing religious in our 'civil' marriage ceremony

Agree with Crisscross. IME relationships between people who don't 'believe in marriage' tend to involve one person who just doesn't want to get married. Strangely enough, usually the one that owns the house and car outright.

I respect people taking a principled stance on not getting married, but that would require doing some basic research - there is nothing religious about marriage unless you want it to be and surely everyone knows common law wives don’t exist.

@harvester77 I'm not religious either. I had a civil ceremony.
We had a 'proper' wedding but you can just go to the registrary office and do it (you need to give notice first).
Treat it as a legal contract - you could do it all separately but it would cost you loads of money in solicitors time.

Can I just add that in the event you split (not as inevitable as death but not impossible) you would be very vulnerable; especially if you have given up a career to look after your children. He has no legal obligation to support you- only your children.

If you get married in a registry office, you're not allowed to include any "religious BS" in the ceremony, so don't worry about that part of it!

I know of someone who had young children with her partner. He died suddenly and she lost everything -his family took the lot, house, insurances etc. She really thought they would have done 'the right thing', but money and greed shows people up for what they really are I guess.

Thanks for advice. As for not believing in marriage I meant the whole religious bullshit of it sorry to offend (Not sorry actually ) his parents were never married and split up amicable and all shared equally. Same in my family. When I say family I meant cousins and my other half said he hasn't done a will but will do one after new year. I honestly thought common in law wife existed. Anyway we will sort it out.

There's a huge difference between an amicable break up and a sudden death though. When someone dies their estate has to be given out following a legal process. Someone would have to become the administrator of the estate and they can't just do what the deceased would have wanted - they have to follow a strict legal process.

The comment of the amicable break-up does highlight another point though - if you split up and it's not totally amicable then you are entitled to nothing. No automatic split of the house, no entitlement to any pensions etc.

There wasn't a word of religion when I got married. In fact as a Humanist wedding it was expressly forbidden.

I'm glad you will get this sorted out OP. Like you I hold no truck with the religious aspects of a marriage ceremony so we just had a civil marriage, 2 witnesses and that was that, cost us about £400. At the end of the day it's a contract - I would have been quite happy to have signed it at a solicitors office just like you can do for any other contract - it's society that puts all the pressure on to have a huge celebration and bloody cake!

I find it appalling that in this day and age common law partners are not recognised.

There are an awful lot of people being paid huge salaries to run this country and make it's laws. It is time we started holding these people to account for their lack of moving with the times and pro-actively changing our laws.

What has religion got to do with marriage unless you get married in a church??

How would that work then, Basecamp? Everyone who lived together would be assumed to be common law married? What if you didn't want that and wanted to keep your assets separate? Would you have to go through an 'un-marriage' ceremony?

Well, conversely, I don't think they should be recognised Basecamp. Marriage exists, if people want it (you don't have to move in with and have children by someone who won't marry you) and I think the right to enter relationships and still be able to ringfence your assets for your children is important.

Basecamp but that would mean people who choose to live together would have the legal/financial reponsibilities foisted on them even if they don’t want them. Some people - especially with previous assets/children involved - do not want their partner to be automatically entitled to inherit etc. Why should they be forced to?

Writing a will won't give you the same protection against inheritance tax that marriage would.

Ten minutes in a registry office could potentially save you thousands and a great deal of heartache. It's a legal contact which you need, you have put yourself in a very vulnerable position.

@Basecamp21 don't be ridiculous. If 'common law' marriage existed it would be open to all sorts of abuse. Flat mates claiming they were in a relationship after one of them died. Children from previous relationships missing out on their parents estate because their Mum/Dad might have been living with someone for a week. People claiming they were living with a previous tenant of their house that died.

Marriage and all it entails has to be an active choice that people enter into.

No, Basecamp, you are wrong. If someone wants the protection of marriage they should get married.

Otherwise we are expecting the law to make value judgements about people's relationships. People should make clear who they want to be next of kin or have property rights for themselves. there's an easy way to do this: get married, or get a will.

Otherwise we end up in a situation where a casual boyfriend crashing over at you house could inherit above your children.

We don't particularly buy into the sanctity of marriage, we had been in a committed relationship for 13 years before getting married so it's made no difference to us as a couple but we were both happy to see it as a way of making our relationship "official" and as a mark of security should anything happen to either of us.

Yes, it was a fun day but there was no mention of religion and it was probably no more expensive than hiring a lawyer to sort out a will.

OP a wedding ceremony doesn’t have to be religious, if you have a civil ceremony no religious elements are allowed at all. Why do you think all weddings have to be religious. You can just go to the registry office and get married with two witnesses.

It's likely that civil partnerships will be allowed soon for opposite sex couples which will help in these situations where couples don't want to get married.

Basecamp I wouldn't marry again if my DH died or we divorced me because I'd want to ensure my estate went to my children but I might want to live with someone. Under your rules I wouldn't have that choice. Are there any other situations in which you feel those capable of thought should be penalised to help those who CBA?

Civil marriages (in registary office or hotel etc) can't be religious at all. They are entirely secular.

If both of your parents split up and shared things nicely, that's lovely, but they didn't have to. It was entirely optional. If the house is in your DP's name and he decides he doesnt want you to live in it anymore, he doesn't have to house you. He doesn't ahve to give you any money, or any share of the house, although he would have to pay maintenance for the children, it's quite low in comparassion to half the house, and you'd not even get that if the DCs were over 18.

Get him to do a will, and then get your name on the deeds now. Marriage would protect you better (because right now, he can write a will today, then write a new one next week leaving everything to someone else and there's nowt you can do about it to protect yourself).

If you don't want to get married, fine, but educate yourself carefully about the rights and responsibilities you have towards each other now vs if you were married.

What everyone else has said pretty much.

If he dies with no will you will have no rights and no say in the sell of the house. Also unless specified no rights to pensions, death benefits etc.

If he dies with a will you may be subjected to inheritance tax.

If you split up, it doesn't matter how nicely his parents shared assets, he can say off you trot and pay you the bare minimum as suggested as child support. Unless you can prove you have paid towards the house etc you are entitled to nothing from him.

You can take steps to protect yourself but only if he does it..

if he decides tomorrow that it's over you'd be homeless and could choose between your kids being homeless too or staying living with him.

This is not quite right.

Seem to be lots of family law experts on this thread anyway. OP are you on the deeds of the house? That's the crucial question, not the mortgage.