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AIBU?

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Original poster

Common in law wife? And wills

220 replies

harvester77 · 27/12/2017 10:34

Having a conversation over Xmas with family members and they asked if my other half has done a will. We have 3 kids and his house in his name on mortgage but he said if anything happened to him in to sell the house as it's mostly paid off and get the money. But if he hasn't done a will is it possible his other family could go for the the money? What would happen to us and the kids? We don't believe in marriage a s never crossed my mind but I'm unsure of what really would happen of someone happens to him? God forbid. Thank you

OP posts:
ourkidmolly · 27/12/2017 11:25

I find it odd that your idea of appropriate provision is to sell the mortgaged house and cash it in. Where would you then live? Get your name on the deeds and arrange some life insurance surely.

TheletterZ · 27/12/2017 11:26

As well as echoing what others have said about getting married (it gives a lot of protection not only when someone dies but also if there is a terminal illness but also not all splits are amicable and sometimes having a legal framework can really help).

Now would bea good time to look at everything as well as the will, who would be guardians if you both die, getting both names on the deeds of the property etc...) It is very easy to go over the inheritance tax limit and be liable for tax when some simple adjustments can alter that, like he house being owned between you.

(On an aside, I think marriage and all the legal rights should be a conscious opt in not an automatic just happens or you have to opt out)

Whirlytastic · 27/12/2017 11:30

Splendide, are you saying that common law marriage Is A Thing?

princesssparkle1 · 27/12/2017 11:31

@Pengggwn

Great post 👍

splendide · 27/12/2017 11:33

No Whirly, I know common law marriage is not a thing. Fathers are legally obliged to provide for their children though.

There used to be a thing in Scotland that was more or less common law wife but it was abolished interestingly, so Scotland has moved away from the idea.

IsaSchmisa · 27/12/2017 11:33

It's likely that civil partnerships will be allowed soon for opposite sex couples which will help in these situations where couples don't want to get married.

They might, though I don't know if I'd use the word likely. It would be helpful in some cases but I suspect possibly not like those in the OP. People who believe common law spouse is a thing are less likely to understand that they need to engage in some kind of legal ceremony to get the rights of spouses. I've a hunch that people who ethically object to marriage but are ok with CP are more common on MN than amongst the general population.

Flisspaps · 27/12/2017 11:34

This is what marriage is.

It isn't a church, hymns, a fancy frock or promises in front of a god. That's a wedding.

It is a legal contract conferring upon your partner a host of legal rights and responsibilities which protect both you and your children. You can do this with just a registrar and witnesses to confirm the legalities of the contract.

You don't need a wedding to be married.

NonnoMum · 27/12/2017 11:39

Saying "i don't believe in marriage" might as well mean "i don't believe in any legal connection to the father of my children and all that BS..."
Grow up.

specialsubject · 27/12/2017 11:39

15 slightly cringey minutes in the registry office, job done. Just need some money and a couple of witnesses. Religion is banned from the ceremony.

Get it booked asap and tell him to be very careful crossing the road - as he should be at all times. But seriously, with no will and no marriage you are extremely vulnerable.

StripySocks1 · 27/12/2017 11:42

I used to work for a solicitor and you’d be surprised how many people think that ‘common law wife’ is a thing. I even saw one lady who had changed her name by deed poll to her partners surname but she was still legally married to someone else so when she died everything went to the person she hadn’t seen for years but had never bothered to divorce, and her partner had a really hard time understanding why and trying to convince us that she wouldn’t have wanted her estate to go to her estranged husband, but unless you marry or put what you want in a will the law cannot be expected to guess what you would have wanted.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/12/2017 11:43

splendide - fathers are obliged to provide for their children, not their ex-girlfriend. He has no responsibility to house the OP if he doesn't want to anymore. He can continue to provide a home for the children, she can leave with them, and then find them somewhere else to live, or leave without them. If she leaves with them, he has to pay maintenance for the children, but she has no right to his assets, only a share of what's in joint names. If everything is in his name, she's not entitled to any of it.

If they were married, it wouldn't matter what was in his name or hers.

eurochick · 27/12/2017 11:45

My husband and I are both atheists. We had an entirely non- religious marriage ceremony. In fact, in England you are prohibited from including any religious elements in the wedding if you are having a civil ceremony. You can't have hymns or religious readings or anything like that. Your choices are checked before the ceremony to make sure they are free of religion.

mirialis · 27/12/2017 11:47

Quite apart from the risk of sudden death, people often assume they will have an amicable split. That they would never cheat and that they would simply agree that they were not 'in love' with each other anymore and be happy to be co-parents and partners.

You never know what will happen and an OW or OM could throw a huge spanner in the works, whether they come before or after the split!

As others have said, you don't need a wedding or religion or anything like that - you would be very sensible to get married though.

80sMum · 27/12/2017 11:47

Marriage is not a religious ceremony! At a civil wedding in England, it's actually illegal to have any kind of religious wording or music!

DeepanKrispanEven · 27/12/2017 11:48

Getting your partner to make a will is not adequate protection: he could change it tomorrow without you knowing anything about it. As a minimum, you need your name on the deeds, and you also need something legal sorted out to protect any other assets. It's true to say that a quick register office ceremony is the simplest way to get yourself quite a high degree of protection and save a lot of tax.

Don't rely on people you know having been able to sort things out amicably if they split up, there are thousands of women around who have done that and have ended up bitterly regretting it.

crumpet · 27/12/2017 11:48

A will can be changed very quickly mind you, so even that is not a permanent solution

CurbsideProphet · 27/12/2017 11:50

I was refused Working Tax Credits a few years ago. HMRC said that my DP is my "common law husband" because we live together.

The term common law husband / wife is used in some circumstances, which is probably why people get confused and think marriage is just a piece of paper.

Peartree17 · 27/12/2017 11:51

you don't have to 'believe in marriage' to benefit from the legal status it confers. Even if you made wills, neither of you would benefit from tax exemption of assets available to married couples, so you would be liable to inheritance tax on the estate if it's above a certain level. You can take out life insurance policies to cover the estimated liabilities, but then again, you could get married and benefit from the exemption.

At a minimum, you need to make wills and do some financial planning. But I"d recommend you just get married. My first husband died and, believe you me, the administration was a breeze compared to what it would have been had we been unmarried.

Needmoresleep · 27/12/2017 11:54

Get on the Martin Lewis website now for suggestions for on-line wills. He often has discount codes for people like "Which Wills". It will only take you 15 minutes each to do very straightforward mirror wills. They review and send them too you for signature and witnessing.

This means both of you and your children are protected if something awful happens in the short term.

Then think about the tax and other implications should he die without you being married plus how any children, whether under or over the age of 18, should be looked after. And the implications of your name not being on the deeds, if they are not. And if he really wont budge, insist on him taking out substantial life insurance made out to you.

splendide · 27/12/2017 11:54

It's not that simple kitten there are a number of ways she may be entitled to housing. Orders can be made on behalf of the children and in some cases property transferred to the person looking after those children.

I am not saying it isn't simpler and safer to get married (or draft a cohabitation agreement if you don't want to get married).

DeepanKrispanEven · 27/12/2017 11:55

You obviously do believe in marriage, given that you believed that you were married under common law. You have in any event made the biggest commitment there is by having children together.

That being the case, you have nothing to lose by getting yourself back to the position you mistakenly thought you were in already as so-called common law wife, and going through that register office ceremony

StinkPickle · 27/12/2017 11:57

You “don’t believe in” it but want all the legal and financial protection Hmm

Whirlytastic · 27/12/2017 11:59

Yep Stink that was my thought too! Some logical consistency would be good.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 27/12/2017 12:02

Much easier to get married and then no inheritance tax plus you're next of kin so automatically inherit

I don't know about English law but that is not correct in Scots law. If there is no will a spouse has certain rights to claim what are called legal and prior rights up to a certain amount but certainly does not automatically inherit everything.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 27/12/2017 12:04

It’s not even about death or splitting up though. If you’re not married you’re not even each other’s next of kin. My fit and healthy 35 year old DH had to get taken to hospital by ambulance the other week completely out of the blue - if I hadn’t been his wife I wouldn’t have been allowed to book him in or make any decisions on his care and we’d have had to get his mother to come through. Up to that point I’d never been so grateful to be married.

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