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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP masturbating in my bed...aibu

272 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/12/2017 10:12

I had family over for Xmas at mine this year and stay over . Dp of 1 year joined us as he has had a difficult time recently with parents separating under very complicated circumstances. We woke up together about 8.30 and he said he hadn't slept well due to his family circumstances being on his mind. While I was comforting him, he got turned on. He was embarrassed and said to just ignore it as it was a body reaction.

I heard my family downstairs so said I was going to get u and play host and if he wanted a few minutes to rest or have to himself due to the rough night that was fine.

I went down and saw to my family, made coffee and decided to take DP a tea up to bed. When I went up to my room he was acting shifty and refused when I tried to pull back the covers for a hug. Turns out he was mastubating and watching a Pornographic video on his phone in my bed. We argued and I said he was being disrespectful lying there doing that in my bed while I'm running about after family. He was mortified and so sorry and said he was hoping it would make him feel better.

Was I being unreasonable to feel annoyed. Please note I don't have a problem with it at all, it's perfectly normal to master bate but there's times and places surely Confused

OP posts:
tiredandwornoutmumma · 27/12/2017 14:16

In the context I can see how he would think it was..

He had an erection, OP told him he could stay in bed if he wanted a few minutes to rest or have to himself, I think that could easily be misconstrued as her giving her permission to "relieve himself".

Elendon · 27/12/2017 14:16

So sex without a condom and a bit of leakage and before work the sheets are stripped and washed and dried and re put on before going out to work? Plus getting the children ready, lunches and dressing and showering?

I can't believe because of a couple of stains on the sheets you would do this? It's normal sexual behaviour between two people.

cakeymccakington · 27/12/2017 14:30

No I'd strip it when i got up and put a fresh lot on when I had time

cakeymccakington · 27/12/2017 14:31

Is relax a euphemism for wanking? No but it's something a lot of people do to relax.
I was under the impression people could choose how they relax. Apparently not

lurkingnotlurking · 27/12/2017 14:32

I really don't understand why anyone would have a problem with this.

babybobobear · 27/12/2017 14:35

YANBU I would find this annoying too tbh especially the porn bit!!

funnylittlefloozie · 27/12/2017 14:38

The OP hasnt come back to explain anything. Bit strange.

I really couldnt care less abpout the porn or the wanking. I am more concerned that an adult man gets embarrassed by getting an erection when cuddling his GF in bed!! Even more weird, instead of whipping her own pants off and sliding in next to him, the GF tacitly agrees that its a naughty dirty thing to happen and goes off to minister to other people!!

Can you tell i havent seen my BF since Christmas Eve and I'm missing him badly ?

ConciseandNice · 27/12/2017 14:39

YABU. He was alone in bed. Why not?

Moussemoose · 27/12/2017 14:40

OP is probably off relaxing somewhere.

cakeymccakington · 27/12/2017 14:43

She's probably gone off for a wank. Perhaps now is one of the proscribed times for it.

TheNaze73 · 27/12/2017 14:43

Unbelievable behaviour from yourself.

Your histrionics probably made the situation worse. Why the hell should he be embarrassed?

funnylittle is spot on

AFistfulOfDolores · 27/12/2017 14:53

OP is probably off relaxing somewhere.

Xmas Grin
Jobjobjob · 27/12/2017 14:57

This thread is totally hilarious!

Man masturbates in privacy of a bedroom!

Partner is outraged.

The only reason I'd be outraged is if my partner didn't want sex with me, which I suppose saying ignore his erection maybe was his way of saying no? Is that the issue here?

StatelessPrincess · 27/12/2017 14:57

I think it's wierd but then I find porn grim and couldn't be with someone that watches it. If my husband was upset about his family to the point where having an erection at the same time was embarrassing (because it seemed inappropriate?) I'd be a bit wtf at him wanking off to porn as soon as I was out the room. And he said he hoped it would make him feel better which I find sort of pathetic and funny. It just seems a bit gross to me.

MostIneptThatEverStepped · 27/12/2017 15:11

Hmm. Reminds me of an ex that I had a couple of years ago. He was a bit of a dick (pun intended) in those days. Was staying at mine, being pissy and grumpy and didn't want to have sex. I had to go out and he loafed in my bed a bit longer and let himself out later.
When I got home, I found that he had wanked into my sheet but it was okay because he had helpfully dumped the sheet on the floor for me to wash 🙄.

Moussemoose · 27/12/2017 15:22

Responding to the comments about penises in porn.

You get lots of dicks in gay porn.

Just thought I'd toss that into the mix.

BritInUS1 · 27/12/2017 15:24

You are over reacting, you told him to take some time to himself

IrkThePurist · 27/12/2017 15:28

Masturbating is not odd.
Telling your partner to ignore your erection, waiting til they are out of the room then masturbating to porn is odd.

OnionKnight · 27/12/2017 15:34

Is it me or does Elendon like the word erections? Grin

I'm not sure what she is trying to hint at about men watching porn that features erections...

BatShite · 27/12/2017 15:45

Wanking would not bother me (unless he jizzed on the sheets, as another poster said Grin ) but the porn would a bit. Porn is so degrading to women..DH claims not to watch it as he says whats the point, might aswell have a real shag as watch some poor woman be done up the arse by some old mustash-eod dude.

I find the being embarrassed to have an erection extremely odd though, whats there to appologize for?!

BatShite · 27/12/2017 15:47

Yes they do. Otherwise their balls explode

Grin
fromtheshires · 27/12/2017 15:48

This has made my otherwise boring day good. Nowt like reading about erections and insinuations of men being gay and looking at penises.

Everyone has missed two important questions though as Elendons comments have kind of taken us a bit off piste

  1. What type of porn was he watching?
  2. Was it a power wank where it looked like he was operating a jackhammer to just get himself sorted as you weren't in the room, or a leisurely wank where he was taking his time?
labazs · 27/12/2017 15:51

sorry im old can someone explain what DP means i struggle with these abbreviations like aibu

BatShite · 27/12/2017 15:51

So sex without a condom and a bit of leakage and before work the sheets are stripped and washed and dried and re put on before going out to work? Plus getting the children ready, lunches and dressing and showering?

Yes semen on sheets, sheets get changed. Same with blood. I do not 'free bleed' but sometimes there is leakage. Even a bit, sheets get changed. This does not take much time at all so makes no difference to my life at all. Takes a few mins to strip a bed, a few seconds to throw in the washer, then a couple of secs to transfer into dryer..then a few minutes to put fresh sheets on bed. Not exactly hours.

LemonShark · 27/12/2017 15:53

Gosh, a bit of semen or my own fluids on the sheets wouldn't bother me in the slightest or cause me to change the sheets any sooner than I usually would. When it's dried you can barely see it and can't feel it and there's no scent. More than happy to sleep in a bed that has normal not unpleasant bodily fluids in it! As long as it's only ours. Doesn't gross me out in the slightest.

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