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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP masturbating in my bed...aibu

272 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/12/2017 10:12

I had family over for Xmas at mine this year and stay over . Dp of 1 year joined us as he has had a difficult time recently with parents separating under very complicated circumstances. We woke up together about 8.30 and he said he hadn't slept well due to his family circumstances being on his mind. While I was comforting him, he got turned on. He was embarrassed and said to just ignore it as it was a body reaction.

I heard my family downstairs so said I was going to get u and play host and if he wanted a few minutes to rest or have to himself due to the rough night that was fine.

I went down and saw to my family, made coffee and decided to take DP a tea up to bed. When I went up to my room he was acting shifty and refused when I tried to pull back the covers for a hug. Turns out he was mastubating and watching a Pornographic video on his phone in my bed. We argued and I said he was being disrespectful lying there doing that in my bed while I'm running about after family. He was mortified and so sorry and said he was hoping it would make him feel better.

Was I being unreasonable to feel annoyed. Please note I don't have a problem with it at all, it's perfectly normal to master bate but there's times and places surely Confused

OP posts:
Fruitcocktail6 · 27/12/2017 10:25

DP has an erection most mornings, it is perfectly normal. What's to apologise for? The rest wouldn't bother me tbh.

FluffyWuffy100 · 27/12/2017 10:25

Sounds like the perfect time to mastubate TBH

BrutusMcDogface · 27/12/2017 10:26

I also don't understand why he was embarrassed about his erection.

Eatalot · 27/12/2017 10:27

Yabu. He is super stressed and you make him out to be a filthy pig. Say sorry to him or hes going to feel even shitter. People get so hung up on their dp masturbating like its cheating. Its akin to scratching an itch nothing more.

Be3Al2SiO36 · 27/12/2017 10:27

Wanking avoids awkward kitchen scenes as in American Pie.

Porn is not on though.

PollyPerky · 27/12/2017 10:29

I can't see what the issue is.

But hang on- you call him your DP- so he's your partner? or a boyfriend? I'd call a partner someone I lived with, anyone else a BF.
So I guess he doesn't live with you? if he did you'd know that almost all men wake with a hard on. What they do with it varies :)

And who were your family with you? Children? your parents? Siblings?

You make this into a big deal. I don't think it is.

Katedotness1963 · 27/12/2017 10:33

You knew he was turned on and told him you were going to get up and give him some time to himself. I'd have to assumed for just the purpose he used the time for. If you thought he was going back to sleep why did you bring him tea?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/12/2017 10:33

The only thing odd about this is his initial reaction to an erection, that I find very odd

Oldraver · 27/12/2017 10:33

I couldn't get riled over this..

MsHarry · 27/12/2017 10:34

Not that much of an issue. Though I have never caught my DH of 21 years doing it! He was brave in a house full of guests. I'd have more of an issue about the type of porn if you saw it.

Whocansay · 27/12/2017 10:35

I find it a bit strange that he was embarrassed to have got turned on in the first place? It's perfectly natural.

I don't have an issue with the masturbating either. If he messed up the sheets, just make him change them.

tiredandwornoutmumma · 27/12/2017 10:38

The way you word it, your DP might almost think thats what you meant by a few minutes to "relax" in bed, when he was already turned on.

I don't really see the issue, what part are you annoyed with, the masturbating, him not helping with your family, the porn?

LuckyAmy1986 · 27/12/2017 10:39

Wouldn't be bothered about the wanking but the porn would annoy me.

LemonShark · 27/12/2017 10:42

YABU. Also, why did he feel embarrassed for getting an erection while you were in bed together? What's embarrassing about that? Confused

ClareB83 · 27/12/2017 10:43

YABU he was in bed by himself. Perfect time for a wank.

BarbarianMum · 27/12/2017 10:43

So is alone in bed not the time and place to masturbate now???? Confused

MrsKoala · 27/12/2017 10:44

In this circumstance i wouldn't care (the porn would be an issue tho). I do hate it when DH disappears for a long time while i am run ragged downstairs and he is upstairs reading a hobby magazine, having an extended leisure shit etc. But if i said 'you go off and relax' then what he does isn't really my business.

alfagirl73 · 27/12/2017 10:45

I don't see the problem here. You knew he was turned on and left him to have a few moments to himself... it doesn't take a degree to figure out what he was likely to do with those moments!

If my partner had a stressful night and having a morning wank was what relaxed him and eased his stress, then I'd either do it for him if he wanted me to... or leave him in peace to give himself a treat!

I think you're overreacting personally. Poor bloke can't even de-stress with a quick wank!

Gillian1980 · 27/12/2017 10:45

All sounds pretty normal to me. Agree with previous poster that if he had an erection and you said you would leave him alone to relax that he could easily have interpreted that as leaving him alone for a wank!

BattleCunt · 27/12/2017 10:45

There are worse places he could have shuffled one off.

WhatALoadOfOldBollocks · 27/12/2017 10:47

I'm unclear what it is exactly that you're annoyed about. Is it that you thought he was going to catch up on sleep so if he wasn't sleeping he should've been helping you with host duties? Is it that you think he shouldn't wank? Or shouldn't wank when you have guests in another part of the house? Or that it was porn? Or something else?

gamerchick · 27/12/2017 10:50

You could have had a quickie, mint way to start the day.

DorisDangleberry · 27/12/2017 10:51

You are being totally unreasonable, and potentially injurious to his health. If men wake up with a morning glory and don’t take appropriate action then there is danger of testicular fulmination.

Elendon · 27/12/2017 10:51

I don't get the de stress thing with wanking - maybe it's a man thing. I wank for the pleasure of it not to get stressful things out of my mind.

Wanking to porn on your phone is sad though. Does he not have an imagination? Fancy you?

I'd have left the guests downstairs and had a relaxing time in bed with him. Why waste an erection?

BattleCunt · 27/12/2017 10:52

How many socks are on this thread?