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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP masturbating in my bed...aibu

272 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 27/12/2017 10:12

I had family over for Xmas at mine this year and stay over . Dp of 1 year joined us as he has had a difficult time recently with parents separating under very complicated circumstances. We woke up together about 8.30 and he said he hadn't slept well due to his family circumstances being on his mind. While I was comforting him, he got turned on. He was embarrassed and said to just ignore it as it was a body reaction.

I heard my family downstairs so said I was going to get u and play host and if he wanted a few minutes to rest or have to himself due to the rough night that was fine.

I went down and saw to my family, made coffee and decided to take DP a tea up to bed. When I went up to my room he was acting shifty and refused when I tried to pull back the covers for a hug. Turns out he was mastubating and watching a Pornographic video on his phone in my bed. We argued and I said he was being disrespectful lying there doing that in my bed while I'm running about after family. He was mortified and so sorry and said he was hoping it would make him feel better.

Was I being unreasonable to feel annoyed. Please note I don't have a problem with it at all, it's perfectly normal to master bate but there's times and places surely Confused

OP posts:
Allthetuppences · 27/12/2017 11:24

Wank. Fine.
Porn. Dump.

reallyanotherone · 27/12/2017 11:29

I am also confused about why he was embarassed about getting turned on during the “comforting”.

It sounds like you aren’t in a sexual relationship. If you mean a business partner or friend then your post completely makes sense and yanbu. But if he is a person you are having sex with your post is really odd.

BuzzKillington · 27/12/2017 11:33

Wanking - perfectly normal. Porn? Bit tragic.

juliesaway · 27/12/2017 11:34

I think it’s pretty grubby behaviour by your DH. Pretended to be upset but couldn’t wait to start masturbating to another woman in porn as soon as your back was turned. Foul.

princesssparkle1 · 27/12/2017 11:38

and if he wanted a few minutes to rest or have to himself due to the rough night that was fine.

I thought you were tacitly suggesting a wank. No?

Emmageddon · 27/12/2017 11:48

testicular fulmination

What the dickens is that?

kaytee87 · 27/12/2017 11:51

testicular fulmination

kaytee87 · 27/12/2017 11:51

Posted too soon. It's a type of cancer.

Elendon · 27/12/2017 11:55

I couldn't be with someone who wanks off to porn. There really is no need

baffles me why men who are heterosexual, watch other men with erections having sex

Elendon · 27/12/2017 12:00

Men manage to use their phones and not wank whilst out shopping, whilst feeding the children, whilst bathing the children and getting them dressed, whilst changing their nappies. Whilst taking their teenage daughters and their friends to the cinema. Whilst watching a movie with their teenage children that might contain sexy bits.

Men are well able to control their physical reactions. They are not stupid.

IfNot · 27/12/2017 12:05

Why are people asking when else he should've done it... Er how about when the family have gone home? When there aren't jobs to help out with? Or when he's in his own bed? The day doesn't grind to a halt because a man gets a hard on that simply MUST be attended to

This^
I don't care if my bf wanks, but.. watching porn in bed with a houseful of relatives milling about. Eeeew.
Maybe it's the porn for me rather than the wanking, I dunno.

OneBlueOneGreen · 27/12/2017 12:08

I do this all the time. Have a quick one when my DP goes to put the kettle on. Starts the day off well.

Don't see the issue at all.

DorisDangleberry · 27/12/2017 12:09

Men manage to use their phones and not wank whilst out shopping

Why do you think most men are grumpy when out shopping? It's because they have agonising ball ache and need to get home so they can relieve the tension

mrsharrison · 27/12/2017 12:12

Lets not make this a "man wanking" issue. Women wank too. If my bf made me feel like a dirty dog for having a wank, i would definitely re think the relationship.
Having an orgasm when you're stressed is a quick way of calming down.

BarbarianMum · 27/12/2017 12:12

OP told him to stay in bed and relax for a few minutes so obviously wasn't expecting him to leap up and start helping immediately.

inmyshoos · 27/12/2017 12:13

Doris Grin

Fitbitironic · 27/12/2017 12:14

I think it’s pretty grubby behaviour by your DH. Pretended to be upset but couldn’t wait to start masturbating to another woman in porn as soon as your back was turned. Foul.
This.
And the fact that he's having a leisurely letch at some other woman's bits while you're sorting breakfasts etc.

brizzledrizzle · 27/12/2017 12:15

If it bothers you that much that he does something perfectly normal then why are you with him?

I'd be annoyed about the porn though.

DeepanKrispanEven · 27/12/2017 12:24

Why are people asking when else he should've done it... Er how about when the family have gone home? When there aren't jobs to help out with?

But there weren't jobs to help out with, were there? OP had specifically told him it was fine with her if he wanted to stay in bed.

OP, I'm another one who is baffled about why he was embarrassed about getting aroused when in bed with you. That seems really quite bizarre.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 27/12/2017 12:29

Pretty grubby behaviour. I’d not be impressed either.

ChrissyTwins · 27/12/2017 12:31

So what if he was wanking. Be happy you turn him on

Elendon · 27/12/2017 12:33

Having a wank whilst stressed doesn't get rid of the problem that has created the stress in the first place. Next up. DP wants me to deal with the stress in his family. AIBU to tell him to sort it out himself?

It's amazing that women don't get 'ball ache' just men.

CeciliaBartolli · 27/12/2017 12:35

Yuck.Great, he sounds utterly childish. Man up.

Elendon · 27/12/2017 12:35

leisurely letch at some other woman's bits

Not just some other woman's bits but some other bloke(s) with an erection as well.

RavenWings · 27/12/2017 12:35

Couldnt give a shite about the porn or the wanking. You told him to stay in bed and relax, so he did. Assuming he wasn't going to jizz on the sheets there's no problem.