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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 27/12/2017 08:11

I wouldn't pay any extra... Your budget whixh you told your dad was 20£....that is what you should give him...

Otherwise he's thought... I know her budget is 20£, but I'll just buy a 50£ game and guilt trip her into paying for it!,

I would really not be spending large amounts on gifts if I had no income/ssp... It's just too low /non existent to do anything other than 5£ token gifts...

CocaColaTruck · 27/12/2017 08:11

Why are they demanding money when they know you are struggling? Awful people.

londonrach · 27/12/2017 08:11

You didnt buy him anything. If you cant afford the games, get something else more in your pricerange.

thecatsarecrazy · 27/12/2017 08:13

Get him a pair of socks from poundland and say here's your gift. Sorry all i can afford

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:14

lottiegarbonzo yes that right. I will just give him what I said was the budget and hope that he's not spent more than otherwise he will have to be given the rest when I have it. Next time I think I will ask for a written list of what he wants and then I can get something that I can afford because this has just turned in to a right mess and a bit of a headache but I will suck it up and give him the money then it's all fixed and I won't be making the same mistake again lesson learned.

OP posts:
coalit · 27/12/2017 08:16

Did your dad buy you a nice present OP?

ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 08:16

DONT GIVE MONEY!

IWillSurviveHeyHey · 27/12/2017 08:17

What did they give your for Christmas?

What did you get your mum?

Unnoticed · 27/12/2017 08:18

OP you have mentioned several times that you sold your jewellery to pay for Christmas presents, but you still haven’t explained what you have done with this money?

ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 08:18

OP, provided you explicitly said to him that your budget was £20 (sorry it isn’t clear from your posts) then do not ‘give him the rest later’. If you are set on giving him something then just give him the £20. But you are worrying about a scenario that may not even be yet, you don’t know how much was spent, so find that out first.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:19

Thank you everyone I realise I was in the wrong here and I should've just stuck to what I had planned to do.
IamtheDevilsAdvocat you really don't get much ssp that's why my jewellery was sold to bump it up a bit so that I had some extra money for Christmas but it's just turned in to a bit of a mess I tried my best with what I had but I will fix it. Next year it might be socks from the pound shop. I feel bad for not giving him the money.

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 08:20

Why are they demanding money when they know you are struggling? Awful people

Well yes, on the face of it. Though given Ops extremely poor grasp of how gifts work I can't help wondering if we're getting the full story here. For all we know there could be previous form for this, maybe this is the year her mum listened to MN and decided to call her out on it Wink. Did the Op request specific gifts/accept them on Christmas Day while blatantly ignoring the fact she'd committed to this gift for her dad? Who knows! It's one of those threads where you start to wonder what the other persons version sounds like...

Imbroglio · 27/12/2017 08:21

No!

Under NO circumstances give him a penny more than you said you could afford. Preferably explain that you have £0 and no income. Apologise for the mix up (you weren't expecting your dad to buy them anyway with your mum's card).

Your dad sounds very selfish.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:22

Oh no my mum buys all the presents not my dad and my mum got an elephant ornament and I didn't get much from the jewellery but it went on Christmas presents for my family and I had to use a bit to get food. But I will sort him out with the money when I see them today.

OP posts:
Onedayhey · 27/12/2017 08:25

I understand you don't have money this year but I have reread your op and you seem to think you got the games and he is cheeky for wanting money on top. Surely he just wants the money to pay for the games as you didn't pay for them.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:25

No i didn't ask for anything for Christmas I never do but I understand now and yes there has been a mix up but I will fix it all because I really didn't think my dad would use my mum's money to buy the games. I am normally better than this at Christmas but with not being in work this year it was a bit of a struggle that's all.

OP posts:
Onedayhey · 27/12/2017 08:25

Do you have children op?

Imbroglio · 27/12/2017 08:26

What did they get you?

Booie09 · 27/12/2017 08:31

So infact you have not bought your dad a Christmas present because your mum paid on her card and you have not paid her back! Your the cf for expecting your mum to pay.

1stX · 27/12/2017 08:31

Op I don’t mean to sound rude but you need to grow up and take control of your life.
Your financial situation is BY FAR the bigger worry than buying sodding Christmas presents.
Talk to your parents and fully explain your situation. you maybe should have done this before agreeing to buy games you can’t afford. You can’t say they’re unreasonable if you’ve led them to believe you’re paying for these games and then turned around afterwards and said, well actin not and I haven’t got you anything else either

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:34

No i have no children but I have 3 nieces and 2 nephews which is where most of my money went to. They got me a handbag 2 shower gift sets and a charm for my bracelet. I will give my dad the money today and then it's all sorted out.

OP posts:
Whinesalot · 27/12/2017 08:34

You promised something to the value of £20 and he chose something on that promise. So now you need to keep that promise and give him the £20. If it was more then he pays the extra. You shouldn't have waited for them to ask on your birthday, you should have offered as you'd already promised out and something was bought on your behalf. What is their financial situation? Maybe they don't have the money to sub you for what you owe.
You told him the budget. You shouldn't promise anything you can't afford. However, if you can't afford it now then have a conversation about the fact you over committed yourself, apologise and they will either write the money off if they can afford it or will accept the £20 later when you can afford it.
I'm wondering if you have form for this type of flakey behaviour? Or if they do, if they are expecting more than £20 even though you only promised £20. Don't whatever you do give more than the £20 you committed to when you told them the budget.

Don't ever promise again anything you can't deliver on. But also don't promise anything you really can't afford.

lottiegarbanzo · 27/12/2017 08:34

The thing is, you asked for suggestions. You didn't say 'go ahead, buy it now and I'll reimburse you'.

So, for going ahead on the assumption that you would buy / pay for what he asked for, your DF was a bit of a cf actually. Especially if he used funds in a way that caused problems or worry for your DM.

Presumptuous behaviour on your DF's part.

Had he offered the idea, as asked, you could have bought that, or something else, as your budget allowed, closer to Christmas.

I do think you'd be reasonable, in the circumstances, to say 'actually, I only asked for ideas, my budget changed. I now can't afford £20. I misunderstood and thought you two were doing a nice thing by buying the games 'from me', for me.'

Taylor22 · 27/12/2017 08:35

they should've told me on Christmas day so that I could sort it out
That is not how this works

At 28 you need to sort your life out. You have an extremely immature outlook on financial responsibility.
Also when is your birthday?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:36

1stX I know now that that should be my biggest worry and that maybe I shouldn't of done Christmas presents this year it's just that I always buy for them all and I wanted to do the same this year but it's not worked out very well. I know I'm in the wrong here so I will fix it.

OP posts: