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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/12/2017 07:39

I think you should apologise to your parents for what's happened, explain that you now don't have a budget for Christmas presents, and agree to treat your dad to something later in the year, when you've had a chance to save up for it.

^^ This. If your SSP has just finished and you have no money, then now is not the time to be giving it away. I am sure if you explain the situation to your parents they will understand.

ShiftyMcGifty · 27/12/2017 07:39

Is the problem that the game he bought is much more than your budget? Were you going to get him a £15 game and he bought himself a £50 game and now expects you to pay for it?

If so, only give him the money you told him you’d spend. If £15 was your budget, give him £15. Don’t pay 2-3x as much because he decided to get something out of your budget.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:41

I'm going to see them today so I will apologies and give him something for Christmas. I was just really struggling because I was only getting SSP and I'm now not getting any money at all because that's run out so other than what's left of my birthday money I literally have no money at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:44

Thanks I will get him something but they have asked that I give him money so that's what I'll have to do. I told him I had about a £20 budget but am not sure how much he's spent because he got Xbox one games.

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 07:45

Shifty where have you got that idea from? There's no suggestion anywhere that this is the issue Confused

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:47

Does anyone have any idea how much Xbox one games cost because I don't have a clue Confused

OP posts:
DurhamDurham · 27/12/2017 07:50

You could ask your Mum as she has already paid for them. I think you’re making this way more complicated than it needs to be.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 07:50

Does it matter? If you're going to go ahead and give him money (rather than explain your current situation) then the £20 you told him was your budget would be the amount to give. Best not to add insult to injury by seeming to quibble over the cost, eh?

ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 07:52

Sorry jumping into your thread here only to hopefully provide a helpful answer to your latest question. On the price - it honestly depends. Do you know what game he has bought? So Xbox one games if it’s a new title then discs cost £35-£45 (and digitally can be £55ish so he would have been a CF to do that if he knew you were skint and the disc is cheaper). However... if you told him your budget was £20 then actually on the Xbox live store there are plenty of indie titles and older games (presumably on great sale prices at the moment if PlayStation store is anything to go by) so he may have spent £20 or even less - for example I got 2 PS games for £11.68 in the sale, full price one alone should have been £15.99. So don’t panic yet, I suggest you sit down and come clean to your parents about your financial situation and ask how much was actually spent if you really do want to reimburse him (and you can actually afford to) then do so - but please don’t leave yourself hard up because I’m sure your parents wouldn’t want that!!

DeadGood · 27/12/2017 07:54

FFS OP, remind your dad that the budget was £20 as agreed. No one is trying to guilt you about not having money. What they are saying is that if you can’t afford Christmas, don’t do Christmas.

I’m also confused about the jewellery thing. You are selling this stuff for (presumably) a lower, second-hand price, to buy brand new products at retail. It makes little sense. Keep your jewellery and stop with the gifts. And don’t save up for next Christmas! Save for yourself!

Your parents are behaving extremely poorly by the way, they should be ashamed.

FiveShelties · 27/12/2017 07:54

Do your parents know how short of cash you are OP? I could not take money off anyone who was struggling like that Christmas or not.

FrostyThirties0 · 27/12/2017 07:54

You sound much much younger than 28! I’m shocked!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:56

I will have to find out and give him any extra when I have the money because he got a game off Amazon and one from Xbox live so am not really sure how much was spent but if it was more than I actually have then he will have to wait for the extra and just accept what I have at the minute.

OP posts:
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 07:57

Op - go and buy him a key ring or a mug and say you don't have any money!

If they have a problem with that then they are horrible parents!

They shouldn't be demanding of you - why does your dad gets exactly what he wants?

lottiegarbanzo · 27/12/2017 07:57

If you said the budget was £20 give him £20.

If he overspent, that's his lookout, not yours.

If your budget has had to change since you told him what it was, say so. Perhaps if he'd left present buying to you, you would have chosen to get him something smaller, not the games, once you realised what you could actually afford.

Is that right?

ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 07:58

Amazon at least competitively price their games, and again there is still a chance he has spent £20 or less. Don’t hand over more than £20 if you hand over anything at all. You told him your budget was £20, yes? If he then spends £50 and expects full reimbursement then that is CFery.

Imbroglio · 27/12/2017 07:59

Slow down!

You are not to blame for this. Your dad shouldn't have used your mum's card to buy the present, at least not without checking with both of you. He was cheeky to do that and if I was your mum I'd be annoyed with your dad about that.

But no one should be expecting money or gifts off you if it would push you into hardship. Tell them that you are sorry but you simply don't have the money at the moment, and that the games will have to be a gift from your mum on this occasion.

Sorry you are in this situation.

Jessbow · 27/12/2017 08:00

There is of course, the assumption being made that the posters mother is able to pay fo this game that's landed on her credit card- which may or may not be the case.

If you promised your dad £20 towards an Xbox game you need to pay it. If the game cost more than £20 , the difference is between him and your mum.

I think its perfectly understandable that she's annoyed- I would be too

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:01

Deadgood I will remind him about my budget and hope that he didn't go over it. I probably shouldn't of done Christmas I just wanted everyone to have a present. I will stop with presents and not buy any more Christmas presents and I will think about saving up for myself instead.

FiveShelties yes they know how much I'm struggling and they knew that I had sold stuff to get them presents.

OP posts:
ThePurpleFairy · 27/12/2017 08:01

Do your family know your financial situation OP? I would absolutely not have taken presents from you on Christmas Day if I did... nevermind now press you about it later!!

JennyOnAPlate · 27/12/2017 08:05

Don’t give the only money you have to your dad, that’s madness. Apologise for the mix up over the games and get him a box of Poundland chocolates.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 08:05

Shoot you told him what your budget was, that's all he's expecting so if you have that amount that's what you give him, there's no extra. If you don't have the amount you told him you'd budgeted you need to explain your situation.

Can you not see that giving it in dribs and drabs after you had to be pulled up by your parents (because you completely avoided addressing it between him buying them and flipping Boxing Day, the day after Christmas!) is just going to make you look begrudging?

LIZS · 27/12/2017 08:07

So you need to reimburse them. If you couldn't afford to buy presents your actual budget was £0 and you should have acted accordingly rather than pretend.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 27/12/2017 08:07

Your dad bought the games

He used your mam's credit card

You have not given anyone, dad or mam, any money to cover the cost of the games

HOWEVER, you still feel that YOU have bought the games- even though your MAM is the one with the debt for them

YABU - you still owe for the games.

HOWEVER (and it's a big one)

However if you are seriously struggling for money your parents shouldn't be expecting gifts from you and leaving you without enough money for bills and food etc

This ^^ As a PP has said you ought not to be getting into debt if you can't manage essential bills. You say your parents know you have had to sell jewellery to pay for gifts (you get next to nowt for second-hand jewellery anyway, so that is an awful shame) - there's no way I would expect anything from my children if I knew they were strapped for cash. In fact one year my DS's birthday present to me was to come to our hime and cook us all a special birthday dinner, because he was in a position where he could just cope financially, but had nothing spare for luxuries**.

If you can afford to give them the money - give it. If you can't, apologise and say you just haven't got the cash at present. Maybe they don't realise how tight your budget is at the moment.

** It was one of my best birthday's ever!

FiveShelties · 27/12/2017 08:08

I would just apologise for no gift and remind them that you have no money for living let alone Xmas presents. I am so sorry that you are in this situation.