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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
pilates · 27/12/2017 08:37

Next time be more upfront regarding your money situation. Sorry folks money is a bit tight this year, just buying for the children.

52FestiveRoad · 27/12/2017 08:37

So they did not actually get you a present? Then that does make it cheeky to go on about how you did not get anything for your Dad. Could you not say you have deducted an amount off the £20 as their present to you? That would be equally cheeky on your part but they know you are skint! Are they having financial difficulties themselves?

Whinesalot · 27/12/2017 08:38

I mean give your mum the £20 as she is the one you actually owe the money to.

Unnoticed · 27/12/2017 08:39

52FestiveRoad - they got the op a handbag, 2 shower gift sets and a charm for her bracelet.

cornishmumtobe · 27/12/2017 08:40

I feel bad for you OP but I'm struggling to understand why you agreed a budget your dad could spend when you must have known you couldn't afford it. It's made a simple situation much more complicated than it needed to be!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:43

No i don't have form for flakey behaviour and normally I buy presents and don't expect people to go ahead and buy them for me. I did only ask for suggestions I never said that I wanted him to buy it using my mum's money. I will give him what I promised to give him and I won't be doing anything like this again next year it's caused too much mess. My birthday is 22nd December and my sister gave me £20 so I could've given that to my mum and then bought the games but he had done it already but I should've still given the money to my mum it was my own fault for not thinking but I will sort it all out today and he will get the money that I know I should've given him.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/12/2017 08:43

If you agreed to a game at a certain price & someone else bought it then yes, you owe them that money.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 08:44

It does sound like a struggle Shoot and I'm not without sympathy but are you 100% sure your parents know your financial situation? I'm struggling to believe that they know you'll be broke if you give them this money yet are still willing to take it.

If they are as selfish and greedy as posters are assuming (and you're not really saying whether they are or not but you're letting the assumption stand) I would have thought they'd surely ask for the money before now. You've said they should have asked on your birthday and they should have said on Christmas day but they didn't. They eventually asked after because it became clear you weren't going to bring it up. Are you sure they're clear on how bad things are for you financially because it doesn't seem that you've communicated well on the gift issue.

Beakyplinders · 27/12/2017 08:44

You didn't get him a present so theoretically your parents are right BUT in your financial situation I don't feel you should have to.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:45

My mum is saying that I need to give the money to my dad not her unless she's also expecting me to give the money back to her as well.

OP posts:
Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 08:46

Bloody hell....I tell my adult kids not to waste their money on me,that I don't want presents off them,I'm sorry to disagree with most people ,but I feel the parents are in the wrong,demanding money and gifts of their child is just awful,utterly awful.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:47

My mum has just said that they want the money and they do know how difficult things are for me because my mum bought one of the rings that I was selling. I will sort it all out today and not do anything like this again I have learnt my lesson now it's easier if I just buy the presents from now on.

OP posts:
52FestiveRoad · 27/12/2017 08:49

52FestiveRoad - they got the op a handbag, 2 shower gift sets and a charm for her bracelet

Sorry, I read it as the nieces & nephews that got her the presents, as it followed on from a sentence about them.

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/12/2017 08:49

My mum has just said that they want the money and they do know how difficult things are for me because my mum bought one of the rings that I was selling.

OK this puts a slightly different complexion on things. Why on earth would your Mum insist on you giving this money when they know you are struggling - and they clearly aren't if she can afford to buy jewellery that you've had to sell?!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:50

Sorry no that was in answer to the question about if I have children no I don't only my sister does.

OP posts:
Cagliostro · 27/12/2017 08:51

Please stick to £20 as that’s what you said the budget was, even if they ask for more. Have you got it written anywhere like text messages as proof?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:52

Because my dad said he got nothing off me so I have hand the money over which I will do today but yes my mum did buy one of the rings off me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 08:54

Cagliostro no I don't have it written down anywhere I told him when I asked about present ideas but I will only hand over what I promised to give because I know I need to.

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 08:54

She bought one of the rings you were selling in order to get money for Christmas gifts which suggests she knew you were short of money for gifts. Not necessarily that you're actually struggling generally. In that situation my parents would have given or loaned me the money but I'm guessing your family are not particularly well off themselves?

Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 08:54

Oh dear god....is this for real,they are encouraging you to sell your jewellery?? This gets worse...sweetie,say no.tell them you will buy them a present when you have money(just to shut them up) then buy a box of chocolates,surely no parent would expect more than that....how is your relationship with them generally? Were they good parents ,meeting your needs when you grew up.....tbh,I'm thinking do you really need these grabby people in your life,because this is a dreadful way to treat a child,I know you are an adult child ,but still you are their child and they shouldn't be doing this

PookieNoodlin · 27/12/2017 08:55

To be honest, it sounds like there could have been a mix up as to who was getting you the games. Maybe your dad was looking at the games, your mom said just pay on my card, thinking they would be from her for Xmas and didn't realise your dad was expecting them from you. Could have assumed your Mom would ask you for the money back from you directly and thought you'd paid her back, so when she asked what you got him for Xmas and he said the games, it's then come to light that you haven't paid and she thought the games were from her?

OhFucko · 27/12/2017 08:57

Your parents sound really grabby, and just awful to be honest.

I can't imagine ever expecting my children to sell their jewellery and give me their birthday money.

Thedietstartsnow · 27/12/2017 08:57

Pookie,you missed the bit where they expect her to sell her jewellery to give them money

Mxyzptlk · 27/12/2017 08:57

There is of course, the assumption being made that the posters mother is able to pay for this game that's landed on her credit card- which may or may not be the case.

The OP didn't put it on the card, it was her dad. It does sound like the dad has behaved oddly, and also as if both parents are a bit confused about money too.

OP, you offered to pay £20 for your dad's gift and your parents now want you to pay that so just do it, but don't give or promise any "extra" to them.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/12/2017 08:59

I think in dire circumstances where you have no income but need to pay for food/heating/rent etc, it is better to renege on your promise of x box games (assuming your parents are better off than you). With hindsight you should have said no presents at all as you clearly couldn’t afford them.

Please make an appointment with CAB for some financial advice. You sound in desperate need of help.