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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:

FrostyThirties0 · 27/12/2017 06:49

So you do actually owe him/your mum the money?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 27/12/2017 06:49

Right, I think I have understood what's happened:

You asked your Dad what he wanted for Xmas and he said some games.
You told him to pick the games he wanted and you'd buy them.
He bought them from X-box live but you didn't have any money at the time, so he used your Mum's card to pay for them.
Since then, you say that they haven't said anything about the money - so you haven't paid anything.

If this is correct then you are the CF I'm afraid! You can't count 'your' present as games that your Mum paid for.

You are in the wrong and your Mum is in the right. Pay up, or get your Dad a Xmas present.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:49

He asked what my budget was and said he would have a look at games I was going to buy them when I got there on my birthday but he had already bought them and no one told me how much he had spent but I was expecting him to tell me what games he wanted so that I could get them myself for him. He showed them to me in front of my mum and said to me this is what you've got me for Christmas and now my mum is saying that I have to give him money and that the games are now off her not me. Next year I will just give everyone money.

OP posts:

BinkyandBunty · 27/12/2017 06:49

If you haven't paid for the games, you didn't give him the games. Unless you are a young child I don't think it's the norm to have parents buy their own gifts and claim them as 'from" you.

I guess your options from here are to reimburse your mother for the games so they can see them as being from you, or explain that you really can't afford anything else this year. You shouldn't feel bad about the latter if you've been off work - better than putting yourself into financial trouble.

DurhamDurham · 27/12/2017 06:50

If your dad chose the games and paid for them with your mum’s card then you haven’t really got him anything. I don’t think he needs money and the games he just needs reimbursing for the games which are apparently from you.

steff13 · 27/12/2017 06:50

Your parents are correct. YABU.

shhhfastasleep · 27/12/2017 06:50

You haven't given him the money for the games he bought on your behalf. They aren't asking for for games AND money, they are asking you for money FOR the games .
What a strange post, op. How old are you?

Yeahsureokay · 27/12/2017 06:50

Just give the money now?

Bonez · 27/12/2017 06:51

If you didn't pay for the games then they aren't from you and your mum is right.

iamkahleesi · 27/12/2017 06:52

Not quite sure how you're not getting this OP

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:52

If he had waited until my birthday I would've had the money to buy the games for him. I will just give him the money and next year everyone can have money. It's just too much hassle that I can do without.

OP posts:

DrMadelineMaxwell · 27/12/2017 06:53

Your update changes everything.
Either pay your mum for the games, or accept that she has actually bought them and they are from her as you haven't paid her back.
Or give your dad the money that the games cost.

You are actually being the cf here if you are expecting a present someone else paid for that you didn't reimburse to count as a gift from you.

Yeahsureokay · 27/12/2017 06:53

Is there any chance that you spent that money on something else and now you are broke and angry that you have to find this money again for your dads Christmas present?

If so then nobody is going to tell you that's okay I'm afraid. Unless it was much needed money spent on rent/bills.

Tistheseason17 · 27/12/2017 06:55

I think I get it now - difficult post to follow.
Your Dad was being nice (you thought) buying the games and saying they were from you. But then he has changed his mind and as they were on your Mum's card she is saying she bought them and not you.
If they know you have had to sell jewellery then this is off of them.
They are grown adults - they don't need presents from their adult children.
Just explain you have no money but the best present you can give is love and your time.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 27/12/2017 06:55

Don't think your parents are the CF's here OP.

citychick · 27/12/2017 06:55

The way you describe the situation makes your parents sound grabby.
However, as I understand it, you have never paid for these games.

Therefore, you haven’t bought your dad a Christmas present.

So you should hand over the money, or arrange to buy your dad another present when you have a bit more cash.

You should admit you have not paid for the Xbox games, but I am really quite amazed at how childish this all is...

Good luck

Yeahsureokay · 27/12/2017 06:55

I don't know if people should have to wait for other people's birthday to get a gift that is actually for Christmas. My dh would be waiting til may...

If you are seriously that hard up then you guys shouldn't be doing gifts at all but just spending quality time together. I would never take my daughters birthday money.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 06:56

Shootfirst you haven't given him the games because you haven't paid for them. If you thought they were from you then you should have followed up re the cost, having a conversation about them doesn't make them from you, paying for them does! If you couldn't afford them you should have said so but that's beside the point.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:56

I will just give them what's left of my birthday money because that's all the money I have. They know I'm struggling and that I had sell my jewellery just to get Christmas presents but I will give him what's left of my birthday money.

OP posts:

Peachyking000 · 27/12/2017 06:57

YABU - you didn’t get him a present.

Halfdrankbrew · 27/12/2017 06:57

You didn't actually get him a present, they are correct, however they sound like very grabby people. I don't understand some people, if you can't afford it just say so.

I did no presents at all a couple of years back, I was 9 months pregnant and we bought a house a week before Xmas. I just didn't have the time, energy or money to do presents. Did anyone care? Nope, they are my family, of course they didn't!

Yeahsureokay · 27/12/2017 06:57

Well do that then, but either take it as a lesson learned and plan better for next year, or if money is tight then insist that you don't do gifts but just have a nice day together.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:59

Tistheseason17 yeah exactly I think that's what's happened here but it doesn't matter I will just give him the money and then he's at least got something from me.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/12/2017 06:59

I don't really understand why you're upset about this - you haven't paid for the games you apparently gave your Dad, so they technically are not from you unless you give your mum the money for them.

Just don't understand why you don't get this.

Original poster

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:01

I thought I had planned ok for this year I tried my best with what I had but I guess I got it a bit wrong and should've just stuck to giving him money. I know for next year though. Thanks everyone

OP posts:

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