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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
suzy2b · 29/12/2017 10:55

your parents should be helping you giving you money not the other way around i very often send my son money as he is not working

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 11:21

Suzy2b thank you I will phone up that number and get my money sorted out and I don't know if I need someone to go with me or not I've never been allowed to go on my own. I gave him the last of my money so he's had something off me. My parents have never ever helped me out with money I just get left to it but they are forever helping my sister out.

OP posts:
JanKind · 29/12/2017 11:45

Your parents sound very unsupportive. I do hope you find some help soon

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 12:07

JanKind your right they aren't very supportive. Thank you.

OP posts:
ElfOneself · 29/12/2017 13:30

Fuck that. There is no way you should be selling jewellery for Christmas presents!
Your parents are arseholes.
My family is as dysfunctional as they come, when I was skint I made my dad a cake he was grateful (I think!) as he knew the situation.
If you got the game or gave them money is irrelevant really they know you can’t afford it

suzy2b · 29/12/2017 13:49

if i lived anywhere near you ii would help but i'm down south as far as you can go

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 14:15

ElfOneself I know I wish I hadn't sold it but I needed the money. I should've just made stuff for them.

Suzy2b aww thank you that's very kind of you but I wouldn't allow you to help me out.

OP posts:
Pippa12 · 29/12/2017 14:57

Dont shoot me down but perhaps your mum has a point about you living alone if your not eating and putting your cats welfare before your own? No heating? No income? Buying presents with food money? Why do you think she wants you you move in with her or near her? If she was awful she would've washed her hands of you? Im totally confused.

Mxyzptlk · 29/12/2017 15:04

If you have been signed off from work but sick pay has stopped, are you no longer an employee?

Mxyzptlk · 29/12/2017 15:07

Pippa 12, it doesn't sound as if OP's mum is doing anything to try to help her cope, but only criticising and asking for money.

MiddleClassProblem · 29/12/2017 15:09

Pippa12 the mother’s behabi predates OP moving out.

Gingernaut · 29/12/2017 15:10

Is there any hope of going back to work, OP?

Are you recovering?

Are you able to look for other work if your current job is not suitable?

RebelRogue · 29/12/2017 15:14

@Pippa12 unfortunately awful parenting doesn't only manifest in indifference and "washing your hands off" someone.
It can also manifest in setting your kid up to fail, telling them they'll never amount to nothing, they'll never make it without you and preventing them to seek support (like accompanying OP to all GP visits).

CauliWoes · 29/12/2017 15:34

I was a bit confused at first, but now I feel really bad for you. Your dad should’ve just waited until you have him the money instead of jumping in and ordering the ones he wanted with your mums card. Your parents really don’t sound understanding or supportive of your situation hugs Flowers

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 15:40

Pippa12 moving back home would leave me even worse off I don't get on with my parents arguments can become physical and moving back in with them means handing over half of whatever money I get and I will still be struggling I would have to give up my cats because my mum kept my dog and refused to let me have her back and the cats don't get on with the dog. I would rather live on my own and struggle than put myself back in that environment.

Mxyzptlk I'm not sure probably not but they still ask to see my sick notes but my job can be readvertised if I've not returned after 6 months.

Gingernaut not right now no I can't leave the house because of my anxiety no one would employ me.

OP posts:
kateandme · 29/12/2017 15:53

have i missed your age op.
there are places now for certainly younger folk in some areas of the country where they foster/live in people.so families will take in young adults in need of help as a kind of foster/letting basis.its just a bit more supported then tenants.im not sure how or where they do it.my friend was in dire need and couldn't go home and went to a family.she had her own room,space but the family were there if she needed them and as a quiet support.she is now like a second daughter to them.and they gave her the advice and care to hep her move on her way again.
could this be something that happens near you,or something similar.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 15:57

Thank you cauliwoes I wish my dad had just waited and let me sort it out because he knew I would of done Flowers.

kateandme I'm 28 so I might be too old for something like that and I'm not totally sure if they do something like that where I live but thank you anyway.

OP posts:
kateandme · 29/12/2017 16:20

oh ok op.keep looking though.there has to be something more we can offer or find for you.dont give up.sounds like things have gotten tough and you need support.dont skim any option.
is there any live in tpe jobs near you?
help and healthcare can be so shockingly shit.
but there has to be some random thing that can help.
a live in pub worker.one of those sites that need people to livin in to look after pets.oh god I don't no I'm picking at very radom straws. just try not to give up or overlook any avenue.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 16:24

kateandme I was a night care assistant in an EMI nursing home before I got ill I would go back to it once am well enough. I will keep looking though because one way or another I will get back to work I can't spend my whole life sitting behind a closed door too afraid to go outside. I would do a work from home job but they are rare as hens teeth. Thank you so much for your help.

OP posts:
kateandme · 29/12/2017 16:32

sounds like you've got a good head on you hun.so keep going.keep that goal very cleal yin ur mind.when you faulter say "no I'm heading back to here" don't be down.where you are now you can get through.many others have felt your feeling or on the lines of and fought back and come out winning.i believe you can too.dont give up.
of course there is the option if your in the care business to be a live in carer for someone?my grandpa is with an angency where he has a livin in nurse.or ceetainly for a few night a week.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 16:43

kateandme thank you hunni I am very determined to get back to work I won't be like this forever but who knew rock bottom has a basement. I never knew about live in carers that's something that I could do am sure thank I will definitely look in to that.

OP posts:
Lucked · 29/12/2017 17:06

Remember OP you are under no obligation to tell you parents these things you are planning to do for yourself, it may be you get organised and want to tell them so they can see you are capable but it sounds like they are used to micromanaging your life and I think they will get upset and twist any achievements into something negative.

Basically keep it all under your hat, they do not want to be proved wrong about you and may sabotage you to be right.

MiddleClassProblem · 29/12/2017 17:12

Yes, for all they know you’re just at home with your cats. I wouldn’t tell them anything.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 18:00

Lucked MiddleClassProblem you are both absolutely right I will not be telling my family anything any more as far as they are concerned I am just a SAHCM my mum is terrible for trying to micromanage me she thinks going back to the job that contributed to making me ill will help but that won't help that will just set me back even further and right now work is the last thing on my mind it's more important that I work on getting myself better and being able to go out. My family are very good at taking anything positive and making it negative my sister is very good at taking what I say is going on with me and twisting and making it all about her and how she's suffering as well not as bad as me but you can't be ill because my sister won't allow she always has to be worse off.

OP posts:
Lucked · 29/12/2017 18:24

You pick both sound good