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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
Figgygal · 27/12/2017 07:01

How on earth did you think you'd given him something you didn't buy or ultimately pay for?

Though he's s grown man who doesn't care about his daughters financial difficulties (and plays Xbox) so his priorities obviously aren't quite right

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 07:02

If they know you're struggling they are extremely selfish to expect gifts. It's really not normal for parents (or anyone) to be ok with someone having to sell their belongings to buy gifts, they're actually fucking odd! I do think though that you should have been direct and told them you couldn't afford it this year rather than get into the messy business of someone buying for themselves and you reimbursing at some not clear date in the future.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:04

He was only suppose to have a look and tell me what games he wanted so that I could get them but he bought them it's ok I will sort him out with the money. No his priorities aren't all that right but like I said I will give him what's left of my birthday money and then he has something.

OP posts:
Elsouth · 27/12/2017 07:05

If your mom paid then I would agree they aren't really from you but also as your parents they could really be more sympathetic to your financial situation. We are struggling and agreed with some family members that we wouldn't exchange presents for adults. For my parents I just put a box of nibbles and Xmas treats together as it was all I could afford. No one should get in to debt or struggle for the sake of one day

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 27/12/2017 07:05

Lots of people do things like this at Christmas when they spot a gift they want, they will buy it themselves then there’s an implied deadline to pay them back for the item before Xmas day so then you’ve ‘bought it’. You didn’t do that so you didn’t buy it.

Can’t you just apologise for the misunderstanding and treat him later down the line when you can afford it?

ShirleyPhallus · 27/12/2017 07:06

How old are you OP?

Saladtongs · 27/12/2017 07:06

Going forward for next Christmas you should start to save and plan for Christmas now. You knew you weren't able to afford it this year yet you sold your jewellery to pay for it. You would have been better off to have mentioned that you weren't buying gifts this year because you couldn't afford it.

Next year suggest buying for children only and a secret santa gift for a specific amount only for the adults.

Buy a few quid in saving stamps every time you grocery shop so you will have a sizeable amount for Christmas.

But in answer to your q, you're the cf here for not paying for the gifts and your parents are also cf for insisting on a gift from you knowing that you couldn't afford it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2017 07:06

Stop being such a martyr. They are your parents. They know you are struggling. They don’t need a gift. Tell them you can’t afford to buy presents as you’re not working. I’m confused as to how he can buy himself a gift on your mother’s card and claim they’re from you. You’re not a child anymore.

FrostyThirties0 · 27/12/2017 07:07

Do you understand that you haven’t paid for anything for your dad?

1stX · 27/12/2017 07:09

you must have realised at some point before Xmas day that he had bought these expensive games. Why did you not check with him and when you found out they were too much for you to afford right now say to your Mum, ‘can I pay you back in bits as money is tight?’ Or got him something you could afford

Roystonv · 27/12/2017 07:09

Op do you understand the explanations many people have given you cos so far you do not seem to have acknowledged they are right? There has not been any 'oh I understand now' but just repetition as to how unfair it all is/stamping of feet. You need to go to your parents acknowledge the debt, apologise, explain your financial situation and give your Dad a belated Christmas Day hug cos yabu

Capelin · 27/12/2017 07:11

OP, if you are struggling financially please don’t sell jewellery or get into debt to buy your dad (or any other adult) a present. It’s not worth it.

Next year, if things are tight, maybe suggest doing secret Santa (so you each only buy one gift) or having a small budget to buy something token.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:12

They do know how much i'm struggling at the minute but I will give him they money that he was expecting to get and then it's all sorted out they should've told me on Christmas day so that I could sort it out.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:16

No i do understand that I need to give him something and I will do thanks everyone and I know I shouldn't of sold my jewellery to buy things but it was only way that I could do Christmas but I will sort it out with my dad when I see him today and apologies for not getting him anything and I think I will start trying to save up for next year.

OP posts:
CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 07:22

Sorry Shoot but you should have asked on Christmas Day surely? I don't understand how you thought you got him a Christmas gift, knowing full well you hadn't paid for it, saw them on Christmas Day, knew you didn't hand him a gift, knew you hadn't given him the money yet still think they've been unreasonable.

I mean they're unreasonable to expect gifts from you in your situation of course but presumably that's how they are, you have met them Confused. How did you let Christmas Day come and go without mentioning this? You told him your budget so I guess you knew how much you owed, what were you waiting for? I suspect you were hoping it would just be forgotten and maybe your parents know that's what you were hoping.

Katedotness1963 · 27/12/2017 07:23

You asked your dad what he wanted.
He asked what the budget was.
You told him what you could afford.
He chose online games, within the budget?
You didn't have the cash right then.
He paid using your mums card.
He told you what he chose "from you".
You still haven't handed over the cash.
Your mum says, until you give the cash for the games they're actually from her because she paid for them.
You think your parents are being unfair and don't see why you should pay because your dad said "this is what you got me".

Have I got it right so far?

If so, I think you do have to pay for the games or you did not give your dad a gift.

It's like when my kids were little and had no money of their own, I took them to chose gifts for their dad and I paid. Now that they're teenagers and have their own cash, they pay for the gifts they want to give. With their own money.

MsJaneAusten · 27/12/2017 07:25

Like previous posters have said, you didn’t buy him presents BUT you shouldn’t need to put yourself into debt or sell things to fund Christmas.

You need to budget. Look at how much money you have and spend what you can afford. If that means everyone gets presents from the pound shop then so be it. “I’ll just give everyone money” is missing the point - presents should show some thought.

How old are you and where does your money come from? (Are you working?)

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/12/2017 07:28

No you don’t need to give him something.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 27/12/2017 07:28

I was with you at the beginning but there are some things that strike me from your post:

  1. you think you have given him a gift when you left your mum to pay for it and have no intentions to pay before Christmas

  2. Games accounts are associated to a credit card so it is not that he can tell you what he wants and you can go and buy it from the shelf si your dad is not at fault on that. You agreed to something and didn’t keep your word.

  3. You are talking about your “birthday money” as if you were a kid, personally, I have used “my birthday money” to pay the mortgage, school uniforms or food when I have been short of money so I found your attitude quite immature. If you have money you use it to cover the basics, you don’t spend it on “doing Christmas” or save it for a birthday treat.

They are not CF, you seem not to be good with money and your parents seem a bit tired of it.

Unnoticed · 27/12/2017 07:30

What happened to the money from the jewellery you sold?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 07:32

I will go and fix things and sort it out with my dad if they had said on my birthday I could've given him the money for them then. MsJaneAustin I know but it was the only way I could do it. I will start budgeting now that Christmas is over and my money is sorted out. I'm 28 and I'm off work sick so I was only getting SSP but that ran out just before Christmas and now I'm getting no money at all and what's left of my birthday money is all I have.

OP posts:
ARudeAwakening · 27/12/2017 07:33

How old are you OP? You sound very young... money is not a present... try something like a small 'dad' present for a few quid? Then you've given a present and not spent a lot.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 27/12/2017 07:35

Good question Unnoticed. It's all a bit odd, on the face of it her parents come across like grabby fuckers but given the Ops perception of the situation was completely arse about face quite frankly, I wonder if there's more to it all than meets the eye.

ScreamingValentaMySantaExpress · 27/12/2017 07:37

I think you should apologise to your parents for what's happened, explain that you now don't have a budget for Christmas presents, and agree to treat your dad to something later in the year, when you've had a chance to save up for it.

jay55 · 27/12/2017 07:38

You don’t have the money for the games. Buy him some chocs from Poundland. Don’t give him all your money and don’t sell anything to give people who have money gifts.

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