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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
KylieMinoguesHotPants · 28/12/2017 17:50

Ha ha just realised my Dad who's 84 told me to order myself a Christmas present from the internet - I ordered a £20 pair of earrings but he hasn't offered to give me the money! Wouldn't dream of asking for it!

ktp100 · 28/12/2017 17:59

Your parents are not massive CF's and your Mum did but the games for your Dad! Yes, they could have been more gracious about asking you for the money but you are ild enough to realise when you owe money and ask to have an amount clarified. Give them the money when you have it.

Attitude84 · 28/12/2017 18:04

That is just dreadful. Tell them it’s too late to sort and at the minute you are in tough times so they can wait for it. They should be more understanding and not so greedy.

ktp100 · 28/12/2017 18:06

If your benefits have been stopped ypu need to see ypur GP and ask for help. Tell them everything, they will help fight your corner and send letters to explain your issues. A few quid for games shouldn't preceed food and heating and your parents should understand that and wait for it until things have improved but you should offer it to them.

Someonessnackbitch · 28/12/2017 18:29

Whatttt???? Did I just read that. That is not what Christmas is about and to hear it from a parents mouth must be devastating. Definitely a kick in the teeth!!!

Cakeorchocolate · 28/12/2017 18:34

Gave up reading the thread tbh. You and your family seem strange to me.

How you think you gave a Christmas gift without paying for it - odd.
A family that expect stuff from you when you're struggling - odd. My family would be profusely assuring me not to get them gifts in this situation.
Or a misunderstanding of games already purchased my mum would tell me not to worry about paying her back and she'd still call them from me. All those types of things.

LexieLulu · 28/12/2017 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

humblesims · 28/12/2017 18:41

Have you even read the fucking thread LexieLulu
OP is a vulnerable adult and her parents have just demanded her last £20 in the knowledge that she has no more money and is living in a flat with no food or heating. Keep up please.

IrisTs · 28/12/2017 18:41

Am i missing a point over here or are most people commenting not right in the head?! Whether she paid for the games or not, parents should not be demanding Christmas presents from their children! No one should be demanding any gifts! How dare the mother say give your dad money. Do most of you not see how wrong this is?!

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/12/2017 18:42

I’m so sorry you felt you had no choice but to give them the money. If this were my dd, I’d be mortified she’d spent money she needs to feed herself on a Christmas present. It is so sad your parents do not think the same. You deserve to be loved and cherished as we all do. Take good care of yourself Flowers.

MyKingdomForBrie · 28/12/2017 18:44

The thread has moved on guys..

The reason OP has been getting a kicking is that she made an assumption that she didn’t have to repay her dad for some games he bought himself to be from her. Clearly she was expected to pay for them in order to make them a gift ‘from’ her. Her misunderstanding may be down to learnin difficulties.

The bigger picture however is that OP is absolutely stony broke and struggling to pay for food. She is not good at financial planning. Her parents should have told her that of course she didn’t need to get them any gifts for Christmas, as she doesn’t have enough for food or electricity.

So stopping labouring the point and give the OP a break. You’re picking on a vulnerable person.

OP - do not give them any money — scree Christmas presents, you need that money to live. Tell them you cannot get gifts in future, and they needn’t get any for you.

thegrinchreaper · 28/12/2017 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pellucid123 · 28/12/2017 18:45

Are you 12?

LexieLulu · 28/12/2017 18:49

Apologise, I thread the first few pages and they posts were very hard to understand.

I have reported my post as obviously I am out of order x

MRSRUDEBOX · 28/12/2017 18:53

Hugs OP
Your parents appear to be taking advantage of your giving nature.

Please go to your GP without your mum in tow and explain all your difficulties. Book a double appointment so you have plenty of time and don't feel rushed.

SnorkFavour · 28/12/2017 18:57

I don't think you should give them anything - they sound deranged tbh lol.

They know your financial situation and are WEIRD demanding presents in the first place. I hate my children spending their money on me, even the ones that have plenty (it doesn't stop them but I still would really truly rather they didnt).

Yes, technically you do owe them the money but they sound like ridiculous babies demanding gifts in the first place.

You should just apologise for the misunderstanding and explain that you felt pressured to buy them something you couldn't afford and you won't be buying gifts in future.

Don't use your birthday money when you're so tight, just say you'll pay the greedy gits back when you get back to work and leave it at that.

LavenderDoll · 28/12/2017 19:00

OP put yourself first
I wish you hadnt given them the money.
They are not treating you well
Irrespective of whatever you offered they know you are struggling they shouldn't have asked for money

Look after yourself

DagenhamRoundhouse · 28/12/2017 19:01

And they call themselves parents?

notapizzaeater · 28/12/2017 19:19

Your parents aren't looking out for you,

My DB is skint this year, he asked what I wanted off Xmas - I said nothing just buy a selection box for DS. I still bought all of his family the gifts I normally would - he's skint no way would I accept presents tat put him in debt.

Listen to your boyfriends parents, they seem more sensible.

Your can get help and support for your benefits.

Whinesalot · 28/12/2017 19:21

Originally I said that she ought to honour her commitment, but now having understood why the misunderstanding occurred, I think that you do need to step back from your toxic parents and ask for help from Mind CAB etc.

It's lovely that the boyfriend and his parents want to help especially in the short term, but be a little bit wary about depending on them too much or for long term, op. The relationship is relatively new. You don't want to put them off by being too needy and equally you don't want to be all at sea without their support if it just doesn't work out for other reasons - as a lot of relatively new relationships finish for a huge number of reasons, including the fact that often they have run their natural course for one of the partners.

PolarBearkshire · 28/12/2017 19:23

Are they for real?
You should just not sell any of your jewellery to buy old people presents???? If you dont work - thats it. You cant fund any presents even for children.
Why world is so messed up? Since when adults NEED presents for Christmas they dont even believe in as per se? Most people dont believe in God and just so on. Ok sweet for children - decorations music surprise etc but for old farts? Sorry they are selfish farts and thats it. Tell your mother you cant afford to give them gifts nevermind money!

Bitclueless211 · 28/12/2017 19:37

OP, I'm so sorry. Your parents sound utterly awful. Yes you got confused but how they can even think of taking money off you when you are in such a dire financial situation is beyond me. Stop saying you will fix it and give then money, you have to prioritise food and basic needs. Don't give them a penny. Sod Christmas presents under the circumstances.
If you aren't able to work you should be able to claim more benefits than you are getting. It sounds like you would be entitled to PIP. I know it can be really difficult to see the citizens advice but you might find there are small local charities who can help. Your boyfriends family sound lovely. Let them help you x

PieAndPumpkins · 28/12/2017 19:46

Just because people are family, does NOT mean you own them anything of yourself, your time, your energy or your money. Your family sound toxic, OP, listen to your bf family and let them help you. Go to citizens advice and see what support you can get.

manicmij · 28/12/2017 19:50

State your case to your Mum. You asked your Dad what he would like from YOU. He indicated games. You agreed. He bought games he wanted on YOUR behalf. You will reimburse for costs of said games. No case to answer Mum!

cherish123 · 28/12/2017 19:59

Your parents sound like spoilt teenagers. Is it just me, or is it not a bit strange to ask your child for money? YANBU.