To think my parents are massive CF's

[Shootfirstaskquestionslater]

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

Gingernaut please RTFT the whole thread has moved on I gave him the money yesterday.

I do apologise.

I'll get my post deleted.

Gingernaut it's ok I realise that there are a lot of replies to my post and it's a lot to read through you need a glass of at the end of it.

Please make sure you get some help learning how to budget your money, when you've sorted out what you can get.

Yes I gave him the last £20 I had yesterday to pay for the games.

I'm very concerned for you that you sold your jewelry to pay for presents and budgeted £20 of this for his game initially, without seeming to realise you would need this for food. (I think this is what happened to the budgeted £20, it has disappeared in the explanation somewhat. )

@Fitbitironic you sound obsessed over the bloody 20 quid. Let it go...OP has,and it was more important to her than it is to you.

I have not read the whole thread but I think your parents sound absolutely weird and awful.

I can't begin to imagine the mindset of parents who expect presents in the way your father did and then to demand money from you.

I know how to budget perfectly well but it's extremely hard to budget £250 which is all the SSP that I got and had to pay bills buy food sort out gas and electric ect ect that's why I ended up having to sell my jewellery because there just wasn't enough left over for Christmas presents.

Your right about my parents LasWiTheDelicateAir and I can now see that it isn't right what they are doing.

Thank you RebelRogue

Christmas presents are always a luxury. No one needs a Christmas present. You should never be selling anything to raise money for them.

Good luck for 2018.

Do you know what though rebel, the money was budgeted for presents, wasn't used for presents. So at that point op did think she was able to give this £20 as a present, as it was accounted for as such, knowing what other money was available for food and bills. If you knew you wouldn't have money for food, you wouldn't budget this for a present in the first place, if you were competent with money management. And I say this as someone who in the past has had to budget and survive on £10 for food a week (luckily had no cats at that point). My parents didn't expect a present, and I didn't use my food money to buy one. They understood the situation.
I don't think this problem would have occurred if op hadn't given a budget to her df which was actually money she needed for food. I'm not having a go in any way, but I don't see how someone can think they have a handle on a budget if this kind of thing happens.
Op, you may know how to budget, but if this £20 was from the sale of your jewelry, it was extra to the money you budgeted for living expenses, so I don't know why it wasn't still available to pay (partially ) for the game when first asked. If you had used it for bills, understandable, but it still wasn't part of your everyday budget, so your everyday food/bills budgeting hadn't worked.
I'm not banging on about it deliberately, just trying to point out your budgeting isn't as good as you think if you needed to use the present money. No blame, not explaining v well obviously, just saying you could do with assistance in this.

I know LassWiTheDelicateAir I won't be doing that again not when I live without heating unless I absoutley have to put it on I mostly use blankets it's cheaper and I use candles instead of putting the lights on it helps to save money for the important things that I need like food for me and my cats. Thank you. All the best for the new year.

Fitbittronic the SSP money that I got was for my food and everything which is why I had to sell the jewellery because there was no spare money for Christmas presents after my SSP had been spent but I may of miscalculated and ended spending my dad's Christmas money on something else which is why he got what was left of my birthday money and now I have nothing left at all. I probably could do with some help budgeting because since I've been off work sick money is extremely tight and very hard to manage which is why I only get things that I absoutley need.

I may of miscalculated and ended spending my dad's Christmas money on something else
That's my point.

For all I know that money could've ended up being used to pay a bill or buy my cats some food am afraid I don't know where it went to.

I am so sorry to read how difficult things are for you. I hope they improve soon. Several things occur to me
Firstly, Decent patents do not behave like this to their children. They are not kind or nurturing and actually seem to be taking advantage of you. Secondly, Every person who has posted on this thread would help you if they could- not one of them would accept/ expect you to buy them a Christmas gift. They are all strangers, but your family encourage you to spend money you don’t have on them. This is SHOCKING.
Thirdly, you need to learn how to help yourself. Don’t wait for people to tell you, go and ask for help. Tell your doctor or the police that you are destitute, go to a big church and tell them you have no food or heating or money and no one to turn to. Ask them if they can help you or point you in the direction of help.
Get your boyfriends mum to phone social services and ask for help for you. They may be lots of allowances that you could claim to help you manage.
I wish you luck and ask you to look after yourself first.

Whereabouts in the uk are you op?

You don't need to explain op, it's just that I know how important it is to be aware of where every penny goes when you're in danger of being in extreme poverty, that's why I suggested extra support looking at your budget and was surprised you didn't have this previously earmarked money set aside.

I'm going to post a few links here of organisations who maybe able to help you:

CAB benefits & other advice:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk

MENCAP - if you have a learning disability then MENCAP can advise on additional benefits you maybe entitled to:
www.mencap.org.uk

Trussell trust for your nearest foodbank:
www.trusselltrust.org

You might benefit from reading the mumsnet stately homes thread. Just type it in the search box at the top of this page and it'll come up.

It's good you've recognised how emotionally abusive your parents are. It's now time to build a protective wall around you so you can build up strength to help yourself.

Start by slowly minimising contact with them, don't call & text daily, just when needed and for a short time only. Don't agree to buying things for them or loaning them money. Practice saying 'I can't afford it this time' or 'that doesn't work for me'. No further details are necessary, slowly put yourself back in the driving seat.

I think you would benefit from CBT and counselling to help you break free from this cycle of dependence on & abuse by your parents.

imafraidofvirginiawoloves3cats thank your right I haven't asked for help before now because it's difficult and I don't know where to turn for help. I will ask my boyfriend's mum to do that for me. Thank you.

caramelbutthorn I'm in the north west.

Fitbitironic thank you I will ask for help with budgeting it was all easier to manage when I was working but it's become harder now that I'm not.

Saladtongs thank you so much for those links I will look at them and I will stop texting and phoning my parents they only ever get in touch with me when they want something I speak to my boyfriend's mum more than my own and they know more about what's going on with me than my own family do. I will look in to CBT.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice it's really helped me.

Shootfirst if your SSP has ended, I think you'll be entitled to claim ESA? Here's a link that might help:

www.gov.uk/employment-support-allowance/how-to-claim

Your boyfriend's family sound lovely and that they want to help; don't feel like a burden, they wouldn't offer to help if they didn't care and you deserve support. Good luck with it all

MichaelFabricantsHair thank I will find out how I go about claiming that I have never needed benefits because I've always worked so I don't know where to start with it all. They are really lovely and they do care so I will let them help because they do want to. Thank you

you need to apply for ESA if you can not work you will need a sick note from Dr number is 0800 169 0310 that's the number for me it might be different for you but if you ring that number they will tell you the right one you can only phone you need to do that right away you cannot go with out money for food also you will need your rent payed, do you have to have someone with you when you go to Dr if so can't your boyfriend go or his mum , if you can go on your own make an appointment and don't tell you mother.As she has now said that the games are from her buy your father something else for less money you need to eat, and yes i would say keep away they know you are not working and have no money yet they expect christmas presents where do they think you have money for presents