To think my parents are massive CF's

[Shootfirstaskquestionslater]

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

How long ago did you move out on your own OP?
Did your parents approve of it?

The only possible explanation for their behaviour is that they are setting you up to fail, ready to tell you "i told you so" and have you back under their roof and under their control.
Your mum's behaviour of not letting you see the GP on your own and claiming she pays your bills smack of "she can't make it without me".

I have given them the money it does leave me with nothing but I'll get by I have other stuff that I can sell if it comes to it and my cats are taken care of for now no matter how much I'm struggling I'll go without to make sure they have food I chose to have them so they are my responsibility to take care of. I really just wanted everyone to have a good Christmas because this time last year my nana was in the hospital dying. I will start making me important too but I always put other people before me so long as everyone else is happy and taken care of I don't really matter. I will get back on my feet somehow and get everything sorted out this is my mess and I need to fix it. I will let my boyfriend and his family help me but not too much I don't like relying on other people too much. I will get myself to the doctors without my mum in tow.

RebelRogue I moved out 2 years ago with an ex that my parents didn't like but it all went wrong with him but I carried on living on my own. My mum has always thought that I could never live on my own and that the care of me would be passed on to my sister if anything happened to them I am trying very hard to prove her wrong and show her that I can make it on my own but I think she is just waiting for me to fail so that she can move me back in with her. She is desperate to get me in to a flat by her but I'm happy where I am.

I thought I had planned ok for this year I tried my best with what I had but I guess I got it a bit wrong

But you didn't actually give him anything at all! He bought himself games using your mothers money. You gave nothing,

CurryWorst have you read the whole thread? Please do so because so much has happened since the OP's initial post.

Despite how this thread started, you’ve had some good advice and some things to look into. Some outside perspective on your mother’s behaviour also seems to have helped. It sounds like you also have some resilience against her controlling behaviour. You sound more capable than you realise which is understandable when she has been telling you you’re not capable at all all your life.

CurryWorst I did get him something he got the games off me that I have now paid for like I was asked to.

Shoot. Do you otherwise manage ok? Cooking, cleaning, shopping etc?

What help are you getting for your depression and anxiety?

MiddleClassProblem thank you for your kind words I will look into everything that people have told me about and I'm extremely grateful for everyone's kind advice. My boyfriend and his family tell me that I'm not useless or incapable as my mum thinks I am and maybe am not but I try my best and that's all I can do.

CurryWorst I did get him something he got the games off me that I have now paid for like I was asked to

But you only paid for them after they pointed out you hadn't actually got him anything, and you complained that they said that. You seem to think you had given him the games without having any intention to pay for them.

MRSRUDEBOX cooking gets done when I feel like doing it that's how I got in to the pattern of going without food cleaning I only do when my boyfriend is coming round and shopping is only done when I'm having a good day with my anxiety and I can get out. I'm on medication for my depression and anxiety but it's not helping at all and I'm sick of telling the doctor that it's not helping because they refuse to listen and just keep upping it.

CurryWorst I had plans to pay for them but giving them the money that they asked for has now left me nothing.

Sweetheart you need to go to the GP without your Mum, which from what you have said I know you can do.
Sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, and that your meds are not working as you hope.
I'm on my 3rd lot of anti-depressants as the last 2 did not work. It is trial and error with them, what works for one does not for another.
Could your boyfriend or his mum come with you? Even if it is just to wait in the waiting room with you.
Make a list before you go, of how you feel etc. Because if you are anything like me, your mind goes blank in there, then you come out thinking 'I wanted to say this or that' and you've lost the opportunity.

CurryWorst have you not read the thread? There was a misunderstanding which the OP has rectified.

They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick

This ^

They knew you have absolutely nothing and they still expect gifts?
They’re heartless

Selling your jewellery just to buy Christmas presents is ridiculous. Surely you tell your parents you can’t afford to buy them presents?

Shoot I think you really need a social worker.

You can see a different gp at that surgery or go to a new surgery. I think without your mother there you may find it different altogether. Just make sure you’re honest and maybe write down things about how it effects you before you go in case can’t thibk of it clearly in the appointment.

I assure there are some fab ones out there. I have both depression and anxiety and had an amazing doctor who helped me enormously.

I think calling CAB and going to the doctors on your own may help you feel a bit more in control too.

Good luck x

Rossigigi thank you I will do that and I will ask for different tablets my boyfriend's mum has offered to go with me I will make a list of everything because its hard to remember the things that I want to tell them. Thank you for your kind words.

Hissy yes they know I have bugger all and that I sold jewellery to get presents.

Didn’t see Rossigigi’s post. I evidently concur!

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck I'm not sure how I go about getting a social worker I've never had one before.

MiddleClassProblem thank you I will see a different doctor and write everything down because I know I will forget something and I will get in touch with CAB see if they can give me any help. Thank you I do need to find ways of being in control. Xx

Well, I'd suggest going to your GP by yourself and asking for a referral.

Thank you EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck I will do that.

Shoot I'm glad you've got a plan to see your GP without your mum.
This skint period is only temporary, when you get your money sorted, see it as a fresh start with YOU as your priority.
You have a heart of gold and have given your last penny to make others happy. But your parents aren't putting you first, so you have to put yourself first, with the support of your partner and his family. Don't be treating anyone as you're generous, or lending anyone money, build up your money in your account and see it as a way of looking after yourself, and your cats of course, as you never know when you might need to dip into it.

Blimey I've got a headache after reading all that! What a horrible muddle. You do need more ch more support than you're getting op and I hope you do. Bloody families eh?!?

If you're going to see your GP then I think they might be able to refer you to a food bank, which would help you out with food for a while. Good luck.