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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my parents are massive CF's

389 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 27/12/2017 06:28

I didn't know what to get my dad for Christmas so I asked him what he wanted and asked what my budget was and bought some games he showed them to me and said this is what you've got me for Christmas. Last night I got a text message off my mum telling me that I never got my dad anything for Christmas yes I did he got the games apparently when I was handing out presents he never got anything that's because he had already had his my mum has told me that I need to give him the money on top and she's decided that she got him those games well I wish they had told me that. He was expecting to get games as well as money off me. They know I had to sell my jewellery just to be able to get Christmas presents this year because I'm off work sick and this just feels like a kick in the teeth it means that I will now have to give him some of my birthday money. I'm so upset and angry about it all IABU and should I just suck it up and give the grabby shit the money I was already feeling pissed off over how ungrateful my sister was over her present next year no one gets anything.

OP posts:
Rossigigi · 28/12/2017 21:35

I'm guessing as well that you are slowly realising that how your parents are treating you is not how the majority of us treat our children.
You can see from the posts, people would not expect anything from their children, and would support them anyway they could.
Taking your last penny and basically making you sell your possessions to gift them is so cruel.
It may be hard for you to do, but please allow your boyfriends family to support you as much as they can.
They can see the potential in you, you need to see it now yourself.

Rossigigi · 28/12/2017 21:37

And I will say it again- do contact MIND, they will help you with all the benefits you can claim, help you fill in the forms, and make any phone calls on your behalf (you just need to be there, to say on the phone that yes you agree to them speaking on your behalf- the rest they will do) so please do not worry about that aspect x

Abouttoblow · 28/12/2017 21:38

Jesus Christ! Some posters on here really make me lose hope in human beings. If you haven't read the thread don't comment. If you have and still post unkind messages you really need to have a look at yourselves - and hope you are never in need of support or a bit of empathy.
Hope things get better for you OP and you get some support in RL Flowers

JanKind · 28/12/2017 21:44

Tell them both to grow up. They sound ridiculously childish.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 21:49

Thegrinchreaper thank you your right this is only temporary and I will get back on my feet soon. I will start putting me first for a change instead of everyone else. My partner was kind enough to offer me money to try and help me out but I have no way of paying him back so I refused it he works hard for his money and I will not be a burden on him. I will build up a little pot of money that I can use if I need to or for little treats for my cats and my partner.

gingergenuis sorry didn't mean to give a headache lol I have paracetermol if you need it. Thank you I will sort something out. I know who needs them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 21:56

Thank you AppleandBlackberry I will ask them about it because it would help a little.

Rossigigi I can now see that my family are wrong in the way that they do things even my boyfriend's family can see that they are toxic and that I need to step away from them because they are not doing me any favours. I promise I will go to MIND and get help from them and I will try and let my boyfriend and his family help me more they want to see me get better and get back to being me they have already adopted me and tell me that I'm family.

Abouttoblow thank you I am going to look in to getting more help and support because I really think I need it. Flowers

JanKind I would get a smack for telling them that.

OP posts:
smilingontheinside · 28/12/2017 21:59

Having read the whole thread and sorting the situation in my mind it comes down to a controlling mother who hates to be proved wrong (you did leave home/fend for yourself) and as another posted is setting you up to fail. I left home after a row and struggled living on my own because although in ft work was on low wages at the time. Some days I only had the drinks and biscuits supplied by work to eat! My parents however would never have expected me to provide them with gifts if I did not have the funds and would be trying g to help me survive as I would for my kids. Please take the advice given and get help as soon as possible. Anyone who takes on a pet and is willing to put their welfare before their own is a great human as far as I'm concerned and your mother is wrong you are a worthwhile god person. Good luck

smilingontheinside · 28/12/2017 22:03

Good person Blush

RebelRogue · 28/12/2017 22:14

Good luck on getting help. Not only you need it, but you deserve it as well. You deserve support, advice and outside help not petty hurdles and tantrums over 20 quid. Thanks

Huggybear16 · 28/12/2017 22:23

Your OP really is just a tiny part of a much bigger picture. Your parents sound truly awful. I couldn't imagine treating my child like that, nor could I imagine my parents treating me like that. My parents would be angry at me if I spent my last £20 on Christmas presents. I would be angry at my son if he did the same. Your whole family dynamic is just bizarre. You need to get yourself to the GPS without your horrible mother, be honest about everything, and ask for a referral to social services. A social worker can help you with all sorts: housing, benefits, budgeting, healthcare. Good luck OP.....sounds like you'll do much better without your parents in your life.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 22:57

Thank you for your very kind words smilingontheinside I wollntske the advice that I have been given and get the help that I need because l will never ever get it from my own family.

RebelRogue thank you for your kind words your right I do need the help and can do without arguments over money. Flowers

Huggybear16 your right this is just a tiny part of a much much bigger problem. I will do and I will ask my boyfriend's mum to go with me she's already said that she is willing to and doesn't mind missing work to take me to the doctors. Thank you I think I would be much better off without them in my life.

OP posts:
lolalola19 · 28/12/2017 23:01

You bought you 'dad' XBox games? Crazy world we live in!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 23:06

lolalola19 yes I bought my dad Xbox games.

OP posts:
MumsTheWordYouKnow · 28/12/2017 23:20

So you didn’t get your dad the games because you didn’t actually pay for them so they’re not asking for money on top. Sorry, but your post sounds very odd. However, it sounds like you are struggling and you really shouldn't feel you have to sell your jewellery to pay for people’s presents.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 28/12/2017 23:25

Disclaimer: sorry I didn’t read the whole post.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 23:36

MumsTheWordYouKnow I gave him the money for the games yesterday when I saw my parents so yes I have bought him games. I am really struggling that's why I sold my jewellery so that I had money for Christmas presents.

OP posts:
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 28/12/2017 23:42

You said you would get the games..so you do technically owe them the money as they wouldn't have bought them if you hadn't said you were getting them as a present...saying that if they know you are that hard up then maybe they can give you a bit of time to pay.
I take it your birthday money will be off them? So just tell them to keep it.

BusterGonad · 28/12/2017 23:44

Lola please please read the WHOLE thread!!!

nannykatherine · 28/12/2017 23:44

did you physically hand over cash to him to pay for the games ??

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 23:45

Lola I gave them the money for the games yesterday so they have been paid for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 28/12/2017 23:46

Yes I gave him the last £20 I had yesterday to pay for the games.

OP posts:
OrangeCrush19 · 29/12/2017 00:07

You sound like a very sweet person, OP. I have cats too and I prioritise them over me Smile

You haven’t asked for help coming up with a list for your GP, but thought I’d start you off in case it was useful:

  • benefits
  • medication
  • support worker
  • food bank referral.

Tell him / her you literally have no money to buy food and your SSP has stopped.

Best of luck and happy new year to you and the cats x

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 00:31

OrangeCrush19 oh thank you so much that list is very helpful. Am glad I'm not the only one who puts them first they are my everything they are my reason to get up in the morning because they don't know what a lie in is thank you happy New year to you and your cats give them a cuddle from me. Xx

OP posts:
BettyBaggins · 29/12/2017 00:38

Just wanted to wish you well too OP. I think 2018 is going to be an exciting year for you! It wont be easy but it will be all yours, and the cats. Stay warm and take one day at a time, there are good people who will want to help you, go find them!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 29/12/2017 01:10

Oh thank you BettyBaggins that's lovely of you to say I hope 2018 is a good year for me. Thank you. Happy New year.

OP posts:
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