To have not told DC about DB's "girlfriend"

[FloraKnight]

DB and BIL are polygamous and have been with a woman for about 5 years now. I've only met her a handful of times because they live quite far away, kids had never met her before Christmas Eve. I had never told them about her because I didn't know she was coming and when they asked I just said she was their friend.

Just had a big ranting phone call from DB about how I should have told them she was their partner and it was really disrespectful to say she was just their friend and she was really upset and I should apologise. Was I unreasonable to say she was just their friend? I didn't think they were even that serious.

“Bollocks to their relationship choices”

I do hope you are married and didn’t have children out of wedlock. Nor ever had any extra marital sex.

I do agree that your DB is a bit entitled and over the top in his response.

I think it's weird to insist people tell other people especially children the exact nature of their relationship.

I agree.

What I tell and explain to my young children is my business.

Am I the only one not keeping up here? Your brother and his male partner are in a relationship, and also they are both in a relationship with the same woman?

thank gawd it's not just me...

FFS people. Bisexuality does exist, you know. Honestly, coming on to MN feels like entering some weird parallel universe where the last 20-30 year’s didn’t happen....

Nah, bollocks to them.

They get to decide who they shag. You get to decide what you tell your kids.

Indeed. I would ofcourse only ever describe someone as a friend of x - unless they were married - regardless of whether they have lived together for 10 years and have children or not. Which is ofcourse totally reasonable.

FFS people. Bisexuality does exist, you know. Honestly, coming on to MN feels like entering some weird parallel universe where the last 20-30 year’s didn’t happen....

But we are not talking about bisexuality. It's polygamy that is the issue.

"You get to decide what you tell your kids."

Don't be surprised if they do something visible in front of said children after being in a relationship for five years, like (gasp) holding hands or a kiss on the cheek.

This all reminds me of families pretending that unmarried people, and then later gay people are "just friends". Kids don't care nearly as much as adults do.

I had no idea people had such issues with people in committed loving relationships that they want to hide them as though it’s somehow shameful.

He sounds like an attention seeking gobshite. It's none of his business what you tell your kids!

Chesty - just to be clear they are not my friends just anonymous persons on the internet. I am curious as to how it all works.
No intention of explaining anything to anyone.
Not sure I was expecting an answer, but thanks anyway. People can have sex with whom they like.

“Polygamy is the issue”

What’s an issue about it ? I really really don’t see how some people loving more than one partner is an issue.

It's polyamory. Polygamy is illegal. They're not all married.

What’s an issue about it ? I really really don’t see how some people loving more than one partner is an issue.

Clearly I meant** it is the 'issue' being discussed, as opposed to bisexuality. That was very obvious in my post. Pulling one quote out of context to try and make your point

It sounds like polyamory rather than polygamy unless they did marry the 'girlfriend' in which case you shouldn't be calling her a girlfriend never mind a friend.
I think your brother was being a bit of a dick over it but if she has been with them for 5 years it is very odd to me that your children don't know what her relationship is to their uncles and that you haven't explained it to them.

No actually I was just mistaken.

Some posters really do seem to have an issue. I mistakenly thought you were one. There was no need for .

ok.. back to the original question.. NAW OP.. you are not being unreasonable.. again.. Tell the 3 of them to PISS OFF

I thought that polygamy was a man being married to several women???

I would have used another word to describe the situation, a ménage.

I think it’s a very special type of arrangement and would need some thinking about before telling the dcs.
So I can see how you would have struggle to explain it to the dcs.

But more to the point, how is it that your dcs have met your DH, his partner (dbil) but never that woman after 5 years?
Why is it that she was never there? (plenty of explanation possible from the relationhsip being very casual between the three of them to them being worried of your reaction etc....)

Also polygamy is actually illegal.....

No comment on the OP. I’m a bit tipsy and tickled that the ad on the thread is for Selection Boxes 😂

I would've left immediately. As soon as she turned up and then laid down the law with DB. I absolutely will NOT ever have my child around such rubbish! How dare he try and confuse your children and expose them to all of that weird crap????

Disgusting

Re the dcs, there is a question to ask.
Is a ménage a set up that can ever be acceptable? Depending on how you see th8ngs, you will tell different things to the dcs.
But as they clearly think this is an acceptable set up, yes I would expect them to be behaving like they are partners together which might well confuse the hell out if your dcs. Maybe not just now. In a couple of years time certainly.

Seriously ?

YEah I wouldn’t be xplaining to my children that X and Y love each other and also love Z and that’s ok because X and Y both know that they both love Z if they didn’t both love Z then it would be cheating which is not ok. No thanks. Love is when you love one person is enough for young children. You can’t have a husband/wife and gf/bf is all mine will know untill they are old enough to actually experience relationships for themselves and work out If they are gay/straight/bi etc then we can worry about one partner or legitimatly two partners and how cheating is bad.