To leave 8year old DS home alone?

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After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

No,he's too young and it's too long. Late nights would probably be easier to get childcare for - uni student or similar?

I was going to post what @Graphista said, he's not 9 for another nine months so he's just 8. What if he woke up unwell? I feel for your situation but no way would a leave an 8 year old for that length of time and especially when they will just be waking up. Maybe at 10 years old I would depending on the child's maturity.

My ds is 9 and he would love this. In the hols I don't usually see much of him til around 11 anyway. I wouldn't do it because people seem to think children will spontaneously combust if they're left alone for longer than it takes to blink these days but I know if I did he'd be fine.

He’ll be 9 in September

So only just 8...

Hugely irresponsible...

No way, sorry. I’ve only just started leaving my 9 (almost 10) year old for about 10 mins occasionally while I pop to the corner shop. But she is awake and knows how to call me.

Can’y you get working tax credit? When I was a lower earner and had just become a single parent most of my childcare was covered by tax credits. Also get onto the CSA about maintenance.

Wether its right or wrong another consideration is if (heaven forbid) you had an accident on the way to work. If you do have to go down this route (and am not go I g to pass judgment as I'm not walking in your shoes) maybe have a note on you for someone to collect your son x

Not ok at all

I was left alone at that age, sometimes. No harm ever came to me but there were no emergencies. I don't think my parents were wrong to leave me but I also wouldn't want to do it IYSWIM.

Do you have any relatives he could go & stay with for a few days? Or stay at school friends on those days. Get to know neighbours and see if they will watch him for a few hours. Or do any of your workmates have kids a similar age and be willing to watch him? Or teenagers wanting to earn a few quid? I would try to find a way around it but if you've no other choice it is what it is.

I wouldn't start with leaving him this long this often. But you could work towards it, but leaving him for gradually extending periods of time, and gradually giving him more responsibility. There's a lot to think about - fire safety, can he open all locked doors if they need to, who the emergency contacts are, is he allowed to have a bath/make a hot drink/snack/access the internet. He'll need to make his own breakfast for example.

I would actively look for other working parents to swap childcare with in the meantime. I used to do this with another parent at school - generally she'd ask me to have her kids first thing in the AM, and I'd get her to cover a few afternoon pick-ups.

TBH I find it odd that people on here seem never to leave their 8 year olds for a few minutes here and there. Locally to me there is no after school care for secondary aged kids, and very little in the way of holiday clubs. I think it's preferable to give them incrementally more responsibility throughout KS2, so that they're not suddenly in at the deep end when the childcare dries up aged 11.

Are you able to have your Moblie on you during work and answer it if he calls? Can you come home from work if necessary? Is there a neighbour that he could knock on In Emergency? Is he def ok with it? Has he been happy other times you have left him? Obviously it’s not ideal and i’m Sure you would rather not leave him but i’m not sure what your other options are. I used to have to leave my 8 year old by himself for 2 hours after school once a week. He loved it but it wouldn’t suit all kids / locations.

I would contemplate doing this, if the child was OK with the idea. Not ideal, but it could be doable. How much support is available locally if he ran in to a problem? Is he a confident child that would seek help if he really needed it?

One local single mother leaves her 8 & 10 yo alone for whole days while she works - and has done this for at least the last yr, quite possibly longer (I don't know for sure). There are lots of neighbours about, large park they go to. It seems to work OK for them. Kids seem OK with it.

If you are going to do it, work up to it with some practice sessions?

I'm surprised at people who would never contemplate leaving an 8/9 yo on their own at all - and I am gobsmacked at not being ok with leaving a 10 yo.

For those telling OP that her ds will be fine and that ss wouldn’t care, that’s all very well until something goes wrong isn’t it? Then it all comes out that she’s been leaving him for hours at a time and he had an accident/ became unwell, they would be very interested indeed then! And exactly how would the OP feel about what she had done?
Don’t do it, it’s simply not worth the risk.
Make sure you are getting all benefits/ help you are entitled to and look for a childminder/ babysitter.

I'm amazed people wouldn't leave their 10 year old. I honestly would have NO issue with my daughter by the time she is ten, she'll be walking to school on her own which is FAR more dangerous.

Same here (though I suppose there are some 10 year olds I wouldn't leave alone, it does depend on the child of course) but still, childcare is non-existent after 8/9.5 yrs old where I live (9.5 being the very upper limit if the child is the youngest in the school year group) so the idea of not being able to leave a 10 year old for a few hours is ridiculous! Even in the UK there isn't much in the way of childcare at that age is there?
I had to start leaving DD for 30-60 minutes (a few times a lot longer) a couple days a week at 6.5 because there was no childcare available and I soon found out she wasn't the only one in her class in the same position (to be fair, issues have occurred with her friend but she and her friend figured out how to deal with it, I was proud of them) - by 8 I'm pretty sure she'd be capable of being at home for 5 hours.

I would agree with the "big picture" comment - I'd suggest moving back to your home town and starting afresh.

Whilst I disagree with mollycoddling children, I think that 8 is a bit young for this arrangement.

What about school days? Who will get him up and ready for school?

How will he be asleep for 3hrs? Surely he doesn't sleep until 9 on a school day? I wouldn't have trusted DS at that age to get himself up, dressed,fed,remember everything he needs and walk to school alone locking the door behind him. I would trust him for 30minutes to an hour while I go to the shops etc but leaving the house alone and on-time is a big ask for an 8 year old.

My DS is 8, 9 in June yet mentally more like an 11 year old. I would never leave him, I trust him but I don't trust house fires etc, and tbh I would feel sad for him.

It's a strange one though as I trust him to play out as we live off road.

Yes Natsuku I just asked DD (9) and she looked at me strangley and said 'of course mama don't be silly' But we don't live in the UK.

I left her at 7 for an hour in the holidays when I went to physio. She didn't even notice when I came back.

Now she is 9 it wouldn't cross my mind not to with these hours.
All day, no, just because of loneliness.
By 10, laughable not to be giving responsibility.
You know your child OP and should be rightly proud he is grown up enough!

What about school days? Who will get him up and ready for school? this isn’t non term time only.

Summer specifically so he’ll be 2 months from 9, not closer to 7 as some have suggested.

No way. Far too young.

Hope you can find a suitable solution op, but this one isn't.

*this IS non term time only that should read read

Ineed it's 3 days a week in the HOLIDAYS. He is not leaving the house.

So you are struggling for money and have found a summer holiday time only job? Would you not be better off relocating to be near your support network and finding a more long term job?

I would and did from the age of 6. I lived in a safe area and knew my son wouldn't do anything silly.

You know your own child. You know the area you live in.

Just do it if you think he'll be okey.