To leave 8year old DS home alone?

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After relocating for my STBX and him promptly leaving me and DS, we have no support network at all, really struggling for money and I have to find new employment (had been freelance)

Firstly, DS is a really sensible boy and has no problem fending for himself when I’m working (from home), has lots of indoor interests he busies himself with and knows what not to do.

Basically my AIBU is how unreasonable would it be to leave DS in bed on school holidays only, go to work for 6am (job is 15min drive away) and be home for 11am?

He will be asleep for at least 3 hours and has no issue with the idea himself.

bonfireheart is that your excuse for not offering help. No one is suggesting that she "leaves her child in the care of a stranger." Although having said that, plenty of people send their children to childminders and nannies and nurseries to be looked after by strangers without doing more than double checking that they are licensed (and I suspect that most don't even bother to check that).

The OP is looking for suggestions for childcare 6 months from now. That is more than enough time to meet some "strangers" online and get to know them and to set up a babysitting co-op.

Perhaps you have some better suggestions for the OP?

Ivymaud Wow!!! *Checking childcare providers are registered or via an official agency is adequate surely" Is that really all you do to learn about the people looking after your dc's? I am constantly appalled by how much faith people put into the licensing bodies and/or agencies to do their homework for them. (I think most of the mass cases of abuse that we've seen recently have been done by licensed people or even those who do the licensing.) Personally I think that simply relying on a licensing board or "agency" is far unwiser than meeting someone online and getting to know them over a period of 6 months (during which time surely you might explore other ways of authenticating them).

Threads on MN never go the way you expect them to

OP, my DS is a similar age to yours - he'll be 9 in August. I might work from home and let him walk to a local shop for some bread, but I wouldn't let him get up alone and be alone for a couple of hours. However sensible he is, when things go wrong, he doesn't have the skills to solve them himself. I'd come come to an upended bowl of cereal on the counter etc. if it came out too quickly when he was pouring it, for example, or a whole kitchen roll used to mop up a bottle of milk that fell from the fridge. He can try and do some trouble shooting but not necessarily the right thing.

I get your issue over vacation childcare. We're lucky because we can afford to use vacation childcare but the times don't work for us - I drop him at breakfast club at 7.30 in the week, but in vacation the club doesn't open until 9am. I just have to fritter my leave away in 2 hour chunks arriving late for work over the summer.

For me, your best bet would be to spend the coming months getting to know other parents. We'd have an extra child for a couple of hours in a morning to help out another parent. Picking him up at 11am means we could still go out to do other things later in the day, but he's really too young to manage alone. Walking from a to b or going to the shops, fine, but they don't yet have the resilience to manage alone.

Think calling it neglect is a bit far fetched... there's no set rules so it would be down to you and your child. Would you be able to call at regular intervals to check everything was ok? I do think it's maybe a bit young though. If you're by yourself you'll be entitled to money towards your childcare costs probably, my tax credits cover nursery.

Have you never watched Home Alone! Harry and Marv could be lurking around the corner!

On a serious note, too young.

Nope! Didn’t leave mine at all until they were about 10 and that was to drop the other at an activity (so 20 mins tops as by then they preferred not to come in the car). As for at home in day, I didn’t need to until eldest was rising 14, and only did it cos she was comfortable with it. The younger would go to a friend’s in the day so wouldn’t be on his own if DD went out (D would take as my work starts early). I don’t know what the answer would be in your case, but I just wouldn’t do it at that age.

No, you're not being unreasonable - you know your child better than anyone else here. If I were you I'd try it out, always ready to change if ityou doesn't work out.

Well, I was the oldest of five by age 6+8 months, and from a véry early age often had to watch my 4 younger siblings, although never for 5 hours. So yes, it is possible. Under certain circumstances children grow up astonishingly fast. And I suppose your boy is fully aware of the circumstances. Am I telling you to leave your son alone? No, but I can imagine there is simply no other way to cope. My advise is to give him his own phone to always carry with him wherever in the house or garden he goes, and to talk him through a written(!) list with do's and don'ts. Also make sure he has your number and a few emergency-call possibilities. I wish you a lot of strenght. X

Hi! I’ve read through all 21 pages and just wanted to send you a (((big hug))) because you are in a shit situation and you’ve also be slammed by a couple of specific users in here! I don’t know how helpful they thought they were being, but there were definitely nicer ways to word things!

I think this thread has shown that there is no magic answer or one size fits all option. You’ve had some good suggestions and I see you’ve picked up on those! I’m glad you have a friend in the profession that’s helping you too. Good luck for the next 6 my nth sir so - with a bit of luck your situation will improve in that time anyway, but also you’ll have a chance to get to know other people.

One other suggestion. Do you have a relative that would be willing & able to come and live with you for the holidays? You might find your parent(s) miss you if you aren’t local anymore and would be quite happy for the chance to spend 6 weeks with you and their grandson! Presuming of course you have space for them! Even if they couldn’t do the full 5/6 weeks, it could reduce down the amount of time needed to find a solution? Or maybe he could go to theirs for 1 or even 2 weeks, then they come and stay at yours for the same leaving you with very little time to sort out! If you could time it that the only weeks you’d need to use your plan are the weeks with only 2 days working, and then spread those days out in the week, that becomes a lot more doable for you. It certainly wouldn’t be what I consider “regular”!

FYI - I’m not working in a legal field, but I did study law at university and one of the topics I studied was family law. Now it was 15 years ago, so a lot has changed - but what I do remember is it was NEVER cut & dried in your sort of situation.

You have my sympathies because what you’re going through is hard and I can tell you are a loving mother who is only trying to keep a roof over her son’s head and food in his belly. If you didn’t care you would have just done it, not come on here and asked did help/ideas!

If you happen to live in the East Midlands, PM me and we’ll see if we live near each other and I’ll help you on the weeks I’m off work in the summer holidays. Otherwise, good luck! Xx

*6 months or so - this is why you should preview and not just post it! Stupid phone......

I was actually 8 when my mum collapsed and had a fit, I knew to put her in the recovery position, ring for an ambulance and then to take my little brother next door to get the neighbours help!

It depends 100% on how mature the child is.